by mel h. (288 Posts), Mon Aug 09, 2004 07:52 am
I work in an office where about 8 of us were pregnant at the same time, including me, so everyone now brings in their babies and is always talking about their babies. We also had a ton of baby showers, one right after the other. After my daughter was born at 25 weeks and didn't make it, I knew it wasn't a good idea to go to the showers or hold the babies when I came back to work ... I would also quietly excuse myself, and I think people understood. If they didn't, I don't really care. They have no idea what losing a child is like ... and I wouldn't want them to. I haven't held a baby since I held my daughter before she passed away back in April. You are totally entitled to any feelings you have right now. I've had my share of "psycho" feelings through this ordeal, where I felt no one was being sensitive enough to my feelings, or didn't understand how lucky they were to have a normal pregnancy and healthy baby. I found out my OB was pregnant not long after I lost my daughter, and I felt totally betrayed by her, like she wasn't "allowed" to have a baby until I have a healthy baby. How's that for psycho?! Don't beat yourself up for feeling any which way ... you've gone through a horrible ordeal. The feelings will subside eventually. I enlisted the help of an antidepressant and it helped a lot! Time will help more than anything, though. Just treat yourself gently and allow yourself the time. This is a time in your life when you should feel OK to put yourself - your needs and your feelings - first and not worry about what anyone thinks. Easier said than done, I know.
Mom of Ashley Ann, born at 25 weeks on April 17 due to severe preeclampsia.