I'm so sorry... You're not alone and we all go through so much - sadness, grief, anger, loneliness, "psychoness," ... If other people don't understand, to heck with them I say... My nephew was born 6 months after my son died and it was the hardest thing, I held him and cried and cried. Before, and after that, I avoided pregnant women and babies as best I could.
I'm sorry about your MIL, that's horrible the way she reacted. I cannot imagine not being able to say goodbye and my heart breaks for you that you were not there. It was a very unselfish act for you to chose the day you did so that it wouldn't interfere with your nephew's Bday, even though it meant that you were not there. That makes you a very thoughtful and amzaing person and, I'd like to tell your MIL a thing or two...
I know this doesn't compare but, I was the last one to be able to see Zach. Of course Andy was with him right away but, then my Mom and my MIL were able to see him the day before I did. He heard their voices first, he felt their finger tips first, they took pictures of him first... I still have a hard time with that and can get very resentful when I think about it... I can only imagine the frustration and resentment I would feel if they got to say goodbye and I didn't. I am so sorry.
Keeping you in my prayers for some peace and comfort.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!
Southern California Coordinator