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Holding a baby for the first time...

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Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby sharonda » Wed Aug 25, 2004 09:35 am

by sharonda (37 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 09:35 am

My best friend had her baby about 3 weeks ago. She and I were pregnant together. I miss her so much and I want to go and visit her and the new baby. I am so afraid. I don't know how I will act. Will I cry my eyes out? Will I be okay? I haven't held a baby or even really looked at a baby in a very long time. My therapist says that it is time to see them. I know my friend will be understanding but I don't know what my reaction will be. My husband is hesitant as well.
Ladies, I need your help with this one.



ShaRonda (29)
Amaya - HELLP and severe Pre-E at 21 weeks
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby for faith » Wed Aug 25, 2004 09:44 am

by for faith (1749 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 09:44 am

Oh ShaRonda ~ This is so hard. Just being around babies was so hard, but it is getting easier for me. I came to the hospital to see my nephew 3 weeks after we lost Faith (SIL and I were due the same day) and it was so hard. Couldn't hold him for a few months though, didn't cry but the emotions were running. Sounds like a great friend you have though, so whatever emotion happens would be fine. Whatever you decide be easy on yourself and don't push to hard because you think it is the right thing to do.

For me it is getting easier to be around my nephew, but it is hard always comparing Faith to him. Wishing you peace. HUGS

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH (just told by peri it was mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby angelkat » Wed Aug 25, 2004 10:15 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 10:15 am

ShaRonda, you need to do what you feel up to at that time. If you feel as if you want to try to hold the baby then try. Just let your friend know that you might want to give the baby back very quickly. Be honset with her and most important to yourself!!!... For me, holding on of the little boys at church was great therapy for me!....

Sending you HUGE HUGS

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
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Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby sjs40 » Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:24 am

by sjs40 (288 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:24 am

You have to do what feels right for you at the time. I hadnt held a baby since Ellie died, and Im dreading when my cousin's baby is born in November as that will be the 1st new baby I will be that close to. I did have a cuddle last week with a little boy who was a day younger than Ellie and who was in NICU with her. I cannot lie, it was very very hard, thinking that he had made it and this was how Ellie would have been. Having said that I was delighted that he was ok, and it felt right at the time. I hadnt seen his mum since Ellie died, but she knew how I was feeling because Joshua's twin had died at birth.
Anybody who is close to you and knows what you have been through will not mind at all if you get upset etc.

Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby heatherbbb » Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:45 am

by heatherbbb (603 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:45 am

ShaRhonda,
I held my new born nephew a few weeks after I lost my son. Unlike many here, I thought it would be a nice experience to hold a baby boy without any wire or tubes. When I did hold him, I felt very little. It was nothing like holding my own son. I held him for a few minutes and then felt like I had to put him down. I can see and hold babies but I still haven't made myself go to a baby shower. For me that just seems to overwhelming. I hope it goes well for you. It's a hard transition, but one you will eventually make. All the women here have given great advice. I wish you the best!

Heather

Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with baby # 2 Feb 1, 2005
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby tinalowe » Wed Aug 25, 2004 01:06 pm

by tinalowe (288 Posts), Wed Aug 25, 2004 01:06 pm

ShaRonda--the first time I held a newborn was almost 5 months after Emma died and I gried my eyes out the whole time. It's something that you will know when you are ready for...if you aren't I am sure your friend will understand. Sending you huge HUGSSSS!

Tina 23
DH Dereck 26

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03 severe pre-e
ttc#2

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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby mel h. » Thu Aug 26, 2004 09:16 am

by mel h. (288 Posts), Thu Aug 26, 2004 09:16 am

I think this an ideal situation for you to experience holding a baby for the first time since your tragedy. Your friend will most likely be very understanding and supportive if you can't hold her baby for very long, or if you change your mind at the last minute, or break down emotionally. Don't stress about how you will react, just let it come naturally and don't hold back for her sake – if she's your best friend, she will understand completely.

Melissa
Mom of Ashley Ann, born at 25 weeks on April 17 due to severe preeclampsia.
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby sweetiesuzy » Thu Aug 26, 2004 06:51 pm

by sweetiesuzy (2404 Posts), Thu Aug 26, 2004 06:51 pm

This is such a hard thing. I felt sick anytime I even saw a baby for a long time after Chloe died. I think that if you want to try you should and don't put any expectation on yourself as to what it will be like. Let whatever is going to happen happen. It sounds like your friend won't be upset in however you react.

I didn't hold a baby until my sister had her daughter - that was 5 weeks before my Sam was born...

Hugs,
Suzanna

DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Laura Elise 7/19/04
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Re : Holding a baby for the first time...

Postby julie f » Fri Aug 27, 2004 07:28 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Aug 27, 2004 07:28 pm

ShaRonda,

Like the others have already said, do what you feel able. One of my very close friends had a baby girl a month before we had Zach. I was able to hold her but, I really didn't feel much, just very empty, I think I was still in such shock. Seven months later when my nephew was born though, forget it, it was HARD. I cried and cried. By the time I left their house I was exhausted and must not have gotten out of bed for days.

Hang in there and hold the baby when you think you can. And, don't worry about your reaction. Your best friend will surely understand and you do whatever you need to do.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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