Melt down

[dja]

Okay, I finally got up the gumption to go to church this morning. My DH and I have periodically attended a local church, but I haven't been able to bear to go since Amelia died. Well, we went this morning, and of all things, they were baptising a beautiful baby girl about 6 months old. I completely lost it and had to leave. It's left me feeling a bit battered the whole day. Edgy, grumpy. Blech. It's only been 6 months, so I figure my reaction was perfectly normal, but of all things...

DJA
Mom to Amelia, b/d 03/19/04 @ 22 weeks due to sever PE

Expecting, EDD 04/22/05!

[angelkat]

I think the easiest thing to do is to lose faith after a loss. We all tend to place all the blame on God and we are so angry that he took our little babies away that we do not know where to turn to next. I'm sure it was very hard to see a baby that was born around the same time as Amelia was.

Sending you prayers of comfort,strength and peace

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[tinalowe]

Sending you hugs and prayers!

For the first couple months after losing Emma I turned from God I just wanted someone to blame so badly. I have been back to attending church for just over 6 months now and I still get emotional during services especially when someone is there with a newborn.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 26

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03 severe pre-e
ttc#2

[mom2tori]

DJA, what a way to start the week. All I can say is that some days are awful that way, you will see a baby and think that baby should be mine or why do they get to have a baby and not me. Other days you can say what a beautiful baby and really mean it. Days like that don't get easier they get less frequent. At least for me that is the way it is, but I have 7 years of looking at babies that could have been mine. I am praying for some peaceful, comforting thoughts to come your way. God bless!!

Alissa (23) mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02

[5thtymachrm]

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Elizabeth

Indigo E. 11/20/03 csec,PE,IUGR,chronic HBP,hypothyroid,asthma,hyperemesis,33wks on BR. 5 m/c's
ttc #2

[for faith]

DJA ~ I know the feeling too. How hard, especially at your first time back. Sometimes it is so hard to understand things, being in church for me is hard too each time, I seem to always think back to the funeral. Of course there are always little babies there too, but I try to make it though. Praying for your strength, HUGS.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH (just told by peri it was mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

[julie f]

Oh, sending you lots of hugs and understanding...

The first time I made it through a church service without crying was two Sundays ago - more than a year after we lost Zach. It took me a long time to even get up the strength to go. I was not angry at God, I hadn't lost my faith in him but, my heart was so broken that I just couldn't sit through a service and praise while I am still mourning. Dh and I were visiting his Mom a couple months ago and went to the church that he was raised it to talk with the Pastor about our feelings (Dh was having the same hard time at church as I was). The pastor didn't give us any magic words but, he helped us to understand that it was ok - the emotion and the sheer determination that it took to sit through a service.


Thinking of you,


Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

[gossamer]

Hugs to you and I hope the next time you go is more peaceful and bearable.
Gossamer

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. This is the miracle of life. " -Maureen Hawkins
http://www.f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/zonker29/album?.dir=/f23e

[heatherbbb]

Soorry that you didn't have much luck with your first Sunday back. How unfortunate to have a baptism that Sunday. I've been going to church since I lost my son, but sometimes it has been very hard to see all the children and babies. I typically never cry in public, but have lost control in church a few times these last 7 months. I hope your next visit will go better. And do you know what, it's fine to have a meltdown once in a while. I think it's healthy to release some of that pain. Wishing you and your family the very best, especially with your new addition on the way.

Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with baby # 2 Feb 1, 2005

[denise]

{{{Hugs Danae!}}} Sorry to hear you had a difficult experience in going back to church. Please know our thoughts are with you.

-------
Co-coordinator for WI
Denise (28)
Jason (32)
Ariana (16 months)-born 5/3/03 at 35 weeks due to HELLP
TTC #2 starting in October!
http://hometown.aol.com/scrapperlang/Home.htm