by timelessbeauty (1712 Posts), Wed Sep 15, 2004 09:03 am
When I lost Ben at 24 wks due to severe pre-eclampsia, the first thing I told my husband was "I'm so sorry" and was bawling. We found out during an ultrasound visit while trying to keep my pressures down in the hospital. I was kicking out so much protein and sky rocketing in bp that they told me later, I was lucky I didn't end up on a donor list. My heart, liver, lungs, and kidneys were all starting to fail as a result of the high pressures and toxicity in my system. Granted I didn't have to make a choice because God took him before the doctors came down to making that a question. It's hard but look at what quality of life that poor little fellow would have had at being born so young and under stressful circumstances. I was told any baby born before 26 wks has a 95% mortality rate after birth anyway, mostly due to lungs not being developed. You saved yourself and your baby suffering. You are alive today to carry on his memory but to honor him in trying again. You so loved children that you wanted him, and he wants you to go on loving children while he watches over you from above. Ask around and talk to specialists in your area. You may get it again or you might be able to stave it off like I did the third time I was pregnant full term. I've had 3 miscarriages and a stillborn baby boy due to Pre-e. Possibly the heparin shots, baby aspirin therapy, antioxidants and vitamins could help you, too. Or, go in and have tests done to check for any underlying condition. If mourning him means to cry, go for a walk and talk to him, or simply smile that he was in your life, do what makes you feel like you have remembered him. Go get a balloon and launch it skyward to carry your message of love to him or light a candle for him tonight. The risk is out there for you again but education is the key. I cannot take away your pain but I offer my prayers for you to remember that life has joys as well as sorrows. And because of your grief, you are most likely a changed woman with an even most sensitive heart. God grant you peace my friend!