New Cemetery Rules

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby eleni » Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:02 pm

One other idea to add to this post: where only fresh flowers are allowed, or even if that's what you choose to take, one thing that we do is we always buy either a double bunch of the same flowers or one really big bunch and divide it in half. Half always goes home with us as a visual replication of what we left at Nikonia's grave so we feel connected. I always hated the leaving the cemetary part and this way we always felt like we were sharing something with her. Now that we don't live in Portland any more, when we DO go back to visit the cemetary, we make sure we take a "half bunch" over to a Portland friend's house who will appreciate the gesture.

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby paljane8 » Tue Oct 05, 2004 01:43 pm

I am just sad, Julie.

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby annegarrett » Tue Oct 05, 2004 12:27 am

Kris--that is so lovely. Julie--I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. If you need us to write a letter--let me know--I would be happy to.

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby kdreher » Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:50 am

I was so sorry for you Julie, when I read this. The cemetary where Tyler is buried is the same way, though I knew this up front. Tyler is buried with my grandmother (and now grandfather) and when he was buried with my grandmother (at her head) I was told that his name couldn't be on the headstone, since it is a 2 person plot. I was mad at first, but so happy my grandfather said to bury Tyler with "meyme" so he wouldn't be 'alone'. Tyler is buried in PA (that's where I was living) and I'm in CT now. My aunts visit the cemetary often so I know Tyler is taken care of. When my grandpop died in 2002, he told my dad that he got it worked out so Tyler's first name and 3/1995 could be added on to the headstone...he is now proudly memorialized with his two great grandparents.

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby annes » Mon Sep 20, 2004 08:16 am

Oh, Julie, that just makes me mad and sad at the same time! I cannot believe that the cemetary did not send you a notice to your home to inform you of the change, that is bad business and very inconsiderate, especially considering the business they are in! I would write a letter, expressing my displeasure and asking them to consider having special times in the children's section for decorations, like pumpkins, menorahs, christmas trees etc... Do they not put flags up for the veterans buried there on national holidays anymore? I wish that people gave more thought to their actions...

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby denise » Sun Sep 19, 2004 06:44 pm

I agree with Jocelyn...they should have given fair warning if they were going to do this. I am so sorry to have Zach's things be taken away and not being able to display his things. I'd be writing a letter too. I know a couple of the cemetaries here in our town have gone to this policy and people were pee-oed big time. One cemetary backed off, the the others didn't. Good luck to you with your letter! I hope you are able to get Zach's things back too.


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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby space_coaster » Sun Sep 19, 2004 05:50 pm

Julie, good luck -- I hope they have Zach's things stored somewhere for you. They have a right to change the rules but they should have given you fair warning. {{{Hugs}}}

Jocelyn (36)
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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby julie f » Sat Sep 18, 2004 11:10 pm

Thanks so much for your support, I just love you guys to pieces![:X]

I'll let you know what kind of response I get. I don't know anyone else who has a loved one buried there but, by the way some of the babies' places used to be decorated, I can imagine that I won't be the only upset parent. I don't know if they still have Zach's things, I should've asked last week but, I was upset and didn't want to go in like a crazy woman... I will go in and ask this week when I am there.

I don't know, I don't expect the new rules to change. I guess writing the letter is more for my own peace of mind. Thanks so much for all your responses and your support in this. It makes me feel like I'm not a crazy person, no one else understands.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby jenn » Sat Sep 18, 2004 05:08 pm

Hugs of strength! I haven't read the others responses, but I'm sure I'm just an echo here- sorry for that.
But it's a topic I can't comprehend why.
It's like not being aloud to pray in church, or dance in a club...

a place of rest is sacred ground that I feel should hold no such rules.
And who has the right to make up such nonsense?
I'm so sorry for what emotions you must and are feeling.
Props to you for taking action and not letting this win without a darn good fight.
If there is anything I can do let me know.
If there were a petition you best bet my name would be at the top!
I send you, Andy and baby to be all my love and strength vibes as you fight for what is right.
Love you all, Jenn

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby j betts » Sat Sep 18, 2004 12:50 am


I am so sorry that your precious keepsakes for Zach were removed. I think that you are doing the right thing with speaking up and complaining. I do understand that cemetaries do have rules, but they should comply with the concerns and needs of bereaved parents and families of loved ones. The cemetary where Mia's grave is, they do not have markers or headstones for the babies in "Babyland". It is unmarked. The only way to acknowledge them is to place special items/gifts there. Out of respect, I think your cemetary should allow you and others to be able to honor your baby(ies) and loved ones in this way.

Mommy to Mia Alexandra
12/23/02(stillborn @ 36 wks due to complete placental abruption, caused by severe PRE-E and HELLP SYNDROME)

Mia, "MY BUMPKIN"----
You complete me
You are my LIFE, my HEART and SOUL, forever...
my sweet, precious baby girl

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