New Cemetery Rules

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby sweetiesuzy » Sat Sep 18, 2004 09:39 am

Oh Julie,

I am so sorry this has happened. I cannot believe the insensitivity displayed by the cemetary. I would encourage you to address it - call them, write a letter too. You have every right to have the need to grieve and honor your son. Isn't it ironic that a cemetary, the place where that should happen, has a rule like this. OUTRAGEOUS! I wonder if there is a law that states this - the right to grieve?

I am just so hurt for you and your husband. I hope you can find some resolve with all of this. Do you even know if they saved his things that were at his site?


DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Laura Elise 7/19/04

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby akemt » Sat Sep 18, 2004 09:00 am

How awful that must be. I sure hope they didn't just throw away all the momentos that they removed. I am very much in agreement that you should write a letter. I would not only send it to those in charge of the facility and grounds, but perhaps to a mayor (or some other government sort) and to the paper. They should know how decisions like this can affect others. I understand their desire for "beautification" but that doesn't necessarily mean it should win over a family's need to greive or comemorate in this way. The suggestion to get others on the bandwagon is good. Also, perhaps it is possible to make a compromise over the baby area. Maybe setting up some volunteers to clean/cut grass every now and then as well as a time and size limit on what is allowed?

And, if none of this works, perhaps it is time to set up a memorial site at your own home. I've heard that some plant trees in memory of their loved ones. Then you could make that your own private place where you go to remember and involve him in your life by way of pumpkins, balloons, etc.

Loving thoughts,

Catherine (23), Moderator (pregnant again)
DH Britton (28)
Emma Margaret (03/02/03) 37 weeks from PIH & oligo
Lara Julianne (07/31/04) 38 weeks Borderline PIH
George the gallbladder (09/15/04) 6 1/2 weeks PP 15-20 small gallstones

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby meljoi » Sat Sep 18, 2004 06:17 am

just wanted to send you love and support.
I can only imagine the horror that you, as well as the other parents must have experienced walking in there and seeing all those precious little treasures removed. I would think in this special area, the rules could be bent. Write from your heart, like I know you will-good luck hon.

Melissa Joi 32
DH Jeremy 43
mama to Peyton John 12/04/00 (severe pre-e @ 38wks)
Baby Lucy due 11/26/04
see her photos!

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby tracey » Sat Sep 18, 2004 05:50 am

Oh, Julie -- I'm so sorry.
Just wanted to say, like the others, I support you in your letter writing, and hope it may initiate some changes. Good Luck!

mama to
angel Ila Elizabeth (02.06.04),
pea-in-the-pod, EDD 03.25.05

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby amillhouse » Fri Sep 17, 2004 04:20 pm

Ditto to what everyone else said, Julie. I am so shocked that they would do that - I am just imagining them just removing everything. How awful! I support you in your letter writing. Do you happen to know any of the other families with little ones buried there? Maybe everyone, who is interested, could write letters. On another note, I think it is so cool that they have special areas for babies in some U.S. cemeteries where you can put your special gifts. I don't know of anything like that here.


Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
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950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby mada » Fri Sep 17, 2004 01:10 pm

I am so sorry honey..I just wanted to give you cyber hugs and I hope that your letter impacts the new rules. I am sure many parents share your anger and sadness about this.

Mada Harpster-moderator for pregnant again

Sam 6-29-00 36weeks P.E.
Ben 11-03-01 No P.E.

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby angelkat » Fri Sep 17, 2004 12:45 am

Julie.... I would be so upset (well that is the nicest word I could come up with!). The cemetary that Katlyne is buried in rules state, only flat markers (due to mowing) and nothing that doesn't fit into the vase. In babyland you can do anything you want as long as it's on your plot and doesn't interfere with mowing etc.

I would call and write the cemetary and ask them to reconsider in babyland or to allow things to be placed in the vases. Just seems soooo unfair.

Hugging you so tightly in my heart!!!!

Moderator Grief and Loss
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Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby laura » Fri Sep 17, 2004 12:07 am

Yes, Julie, I'm so sorry that happened! I don't think it is that uncommon, though. At the cemetary where my husband's aunt was buried last May- they had a similar rule, only they take it one step further-- no upright headstones, no crosses, nothing- just flat markers that make it easier to mow.

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Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 ~ Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby catherine » Fri Sep 17, 2004 10:51 am

Julie, I'd be hopping mad! I'd have a letter sent in a heartbeat. I think that the administration should have been much more sensitive, at the very least taking into consideration the feelings of people such as yourself whose children are laid to rest in that special section of the cemetery.

My grandma was laid to rest in a special graveyard dating from the Famine(1845-1850)back home in Ireland. There are no headstones and no tributes, floral or otherwise, are permitted. There are only broken and irregular slabs of slate marking sites. This was her choice and desire and the family chose to respect her wishes. However, these restrictions were known in advance... it isn't fair to change the rules after burial.

Good luck finding the words to express your feelings.. these people should know that what they might perceive as "mower-hazards" have deep and special meaning to you.

Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

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Re : New Cemetery Rules

Postby heatherbbb » Fri Sep 17, 2004 10:24 am

I'm sorry to hear you got such a shock with the change in policy at the cemetery. The cemetery where my son Seth is also only allows fresh flowers. However, I do think you should send the letter to your cemetery expressing your feelings. They may not understand how important it is in the grieving and honoring process.


P.S. Julie, I always read your comments on all the forums because we are in such similar boats. I delivered at 26 weeks last year with PE and later lost my baby. I'm also pregnant and due in Feb. You always give such good comments!

Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
Due with baby # 2 Feb 1, 2005

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