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panicked

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panicked

Postby josiah1112 » Fri Sep 17, 2004 02:11 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 02:11 pm

My husband is going away for the weekend. This will be the first
time we are away from each other over night since losing Josiah.
I've been feeling more and more uptight about this trip- somehow
I'm scared something will happen to him and I will be left a
widow - no baby and no husband. He had offered for me to come
with him but I know I have to face this fear at some point and it
would be great for us not to spend extra money on my airfare.
Anyway thanks for listening. It will be a very long weekend for me.[:(]

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Re : panicked

Postby julie f » Fri Sep 17, 2004 03:09 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 03:09 pm

Oh Gloria, many hugs to you.

I remember the first time Andy left and I was miserable. I was terrified and spent the majority of the time in my jammies in bed. Thankfully he was only gone two days.

The only advice I can offer is to go rent a bunch of movies, buy the cosiest pjs you can find, a good book and some yummy "comfort" food. I will be thinking of you.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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Re : panicked

Postby julie f » Fri Sep 17, 2004 03:36 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 03:36 pm

I just realized that my post wasn't too encouraging...

I did want to add that after I made it through the weekend, I did feel some sense of empowerment. I used to be fiercely independent before Zach, I never wanted to need Andy too much. Of course after we lost him, I needed Andy in a way I never knew possible and literally never wanted to leave his side. I feel that we're so fortunate to have maintained that sense of closeness this past year but, I also feel a bit more like me. Don't know if that makes too much sense.

Thinking of you,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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Re : panicked

Postby amillhouse » Fri Sep 17, 2004 04:14 pm

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 04:14 pm

Gloria, sending you hugs this weekend, especially. Feel free to get online with us too if you feel scared as the weekend goes along. My DH has not gone away from me since Isaiah died. I actually went away for two days in July and felt great - not as much being away from DH as being on my own, in a place where no one knows me and is feeling sorry for me. That's where I was in my thinking then. I think I came back a bit stronger after those days. Now I am going to be away for three weeks and DH is going to visit me during that time. I am looking forward to it. All this to say, maybe if you, Gloria, got a chance to go away on your own or with friends - do you think that might help?

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]
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Re : panicked

Postby for faith » Fri Sep 17, 2004 04:37 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 04:37 pm

Just wanted say I hope this weekend is much better than you are thinking it is going to be. I have had a lot of anxiety in situations since my loss, but it seems the more I do things, the better it gets. I hope that end up enjoying this time alone and get to make some plan also with some friends on your own. Maybe you can enjoy some special time like a long bath.

Know that we understand too, I hate when DH is away, the night is the worst too.

Take care HUGS,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02
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Re : panicked

Postby angelkat » Fri Sep 17, 2004 08:19 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 08:19 pm

Sending you HUGE HUGS.... Hey, if you want.... I'll send Ben to do your DH job this way your DH can stay home

Sending you cyber hugs!!!



Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
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Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
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http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : panicked

Postby mom2tori » Fri Sep 17, 2004 08:43 pm

by mom2tori (3842 Posts), Fri Sep 17, 2004 08:43 pm

Gloria, I am sending all sorts of hugs and good wishes!! All I can say is do the things that always make you feel good. Sappy movies are the things that I usually do when I am spending the night alone.Is there a good friend who would maybe want to go to dinner or for a walk or something? I hope that the weekend goes fast for you and that it is easier than you are thinking it will be. I will still be thinking of you and praying for you. Don't be surprised if you get another long winded e-mail! God bless!!

Alissa (23) mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02
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Re : panicked

Postby j betts » Sat Sep 18, 2004 12:31 am

by j betts (65 Posts), Sat Sep 18, 2004 12:31 am

Gloria,

It is very normal to feel nervous. The first thing to do is be CALM. I know that is easier said than done, but it helps you to see things more clearly. I have some idea of what you are going through. In July, Dh Michael went away for A WEEK!!! This was the longest time ever that we have been away from each other since Mia has been gone. He was away for a weekend 3 years ago. That was the only time since we have been together in 9 years. He told me in June that he was going to Toronto, and each day leading up to that I was very jittery. I think I was more afraid of the complete silence than anything else. I was very concerned about the nights because I just knew that they would be challenging. I am very used to the long days being at home while he is at work. That started the week after Mia passed. So, almost immediately I had to get used to him being gone. At first, I couldn't stand it, but I eventually made it through. I actually suprised myself on how well I handled it while he was on his trip. With my sleepless nights, I kept all the lights on and turned the TV up. As people say, the TV watched me. IT WORKED!! Each day he called me. That helped. Although, the day he came back home, strangely I had this feeling that I didn't want him to come back. It was funny because I was so accustomed to being by myself. I didn't think I would make it, but I did. TRY TO CREATE AS MANY DISTRACTIONS AS YOU CAN FOR YOURSELF TO MAKE THE TIME GO BY FASTER. I hope this helps. Thinking of you this weekend.

Jacinta
Mommy to Mia Alexandra
12/23/02(stillborn @ 36 wks due to complete placental abruption, caused by severe PRE-E and HELLP SYNDROME)


Mia, "MY BUMPKIN"----
You complete me
You are my LIFE, my HEART and SOUL, forever...
my sweet, precious baby girl
I LOVE YOU!!!
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Re : panicked

Postby nora » Sat Sep 18, 2004 07:56 pm

by nora (257 Posts), Sat Sep 18, 2004 07:56 pm

Hi Gloria

Going through pe and loosing a child is very traumatic. The whole experience leaves you so vulnerable. I remember when I came home from the hospital and was so depressed and traumatised. My son was in NICU on breathing machines and they were talking about brain damage and blindness. My husband had to go to the grocery store that night and I just flipped out. I told him "I cannot stay in this house by myself". I was terrified of being alone for even 30 mn. I put on my rob and laid down in the back seat. I still had stitches from the C-Section. I waited for him in the parking lot of Publix. That's how scared I was of being alone.

What you're feeling is very normal. Like the other ladies already suggested try to distract yourself by watching movies and read a book.

If you need to talk please email me privately.

Take care of yourself

Nora

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Re : panicked

Postby josiah1112 » Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:23 am

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:23 am

You all are so sweet! Thank you for being there. Each of you has
touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
and thoughts with me. They really mean so much. I am making it
through the weekend. I went shopping with my mother and rented
2 movies- One of them was Jersey girl. The character's (Ben Afleck)
wife dies curing childbirth so it was def. a tear jerker but I'm
glad I saw it. A girlfriend also came to pick me and and I went
to help her out with some things. This helped because by the time
I got home last night it was past midnight and falling asleep
was not bad. Anyway, DH is on his way home, so I am very grateful
for that! Thank you all once again!

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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