Felt like sharing...

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby kdreher » Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:37 am

First off,thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I lost my son Tyler at 26 weeks, in 1995, he was just two weeks old. I was 25 at the time and remember calling my mom crying and literally asked her "what do I do with him". I knew about funerals and such, since I had been to a few, but they were all about "old" people. I was heartbroken that my motherhood was taken away and that I had to leave him alone. (I never thought of cremation, but can't change that now). My 80+ yr old German, sort of cold, grandfather told my dad to tell me that he can be buried with Meyme (my grandma who died in 1984). She loved us kids and so Tyler was buried at her head and now my grandpa is gone so all 3 are together!

I know that I will always be a mom, and can't wait to be a mom again. Jeez, I am done with practicing with others kids already! It is very hard at differnt times in life when people ask me if I have children and I have given differnt answers. Depends on whose aksing and whether or not I want to share. My (new) DH and I are TTC and I already think about what I will say when/if people ask if this is my first....and I know I will say no...my 2nd. We ladies here are in a unique group and know how you feel.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
Hoping for a little miracle in 2005! (after TR surgery in 2004)

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net or kstevens@cga.uscg.mil

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby eleni » Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:54 pm

In the course of doing some research for a PF program on perinatal loss, I came across this website with infant urns. Thought this might be helpful to this discussion: http://www.infanturns.com/ceramic.htm

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby space_coaster » Sun Oct 03, 2004 03:43 pm


We picked up Michelle's ashes just two days ago. I don't have an urn for them yet, so I just have the box from the funeral home. I hugged that box tight all the way home in the car, and cried. It seemed so wrong to be bringing her ashes home in a box instead of bringing a healthy baby home in a car seat. But, like you, I am so happy that she's finally here with me at last. Once I get the urn and have her ashes transferred to it, I will find a nice place in our home where I can put the urn, a teddy bear or other stuffed animal to hug the urn tight, and a miniature bonsai tree that I am going to grow from a kit. Michelle was so tiny and I think the tiny tree will be fitting to her memory.

Yes, you are a mom, and so am I...we all are. I wish you peace and comfort.

Jocelyn (36)
Mommy to Michelle Elizabeth, 8/25-9/1/04, 24w1d, 1 lb 3 oz, severe PE/HELLP syndrome

Michelle's memorial page: http://www.geocities.com/jfiorello68

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby annegarrett » Fri Oct 01, 2004 04:33 pm


Your post really struck home to me. I am heading to Iowa next weekend to spread my mom's ashes. October 16th it will have been a year. To be honest--I don't really want to do this--maybe because it makes the death so concrete. I have been away from home and in some way maybe able to pretend that she is just away. My heart goes out to you. You were and always will be a mom. Many of the women said to me when my mom died last year that it comforted them to know that my mom was with their babies in heaven (if you believe in that sort of thing) watching over them. It comforted me to know that my mom had gone to another place where she was needed--maybe it would comfort you to think that your baby gives my mom someone to hold when she can't hold her own children and grandchildren. I apologize for getting spiritual--the organization itself is not any one belief or religion--but this is how I cope. Do take care and know that I share your pain and your hope for healing.

Take care,

Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby timelessbeauty » Fri Oct 01, 2004 01:08 pm


I've lost a husband due to heart attack at age 23 and I've lost a son due to Pre-e at 24 wks. Crying is natural and it helps to get that bottled up sick feeling out sometimes when there is no other way. Don't feel bad about crying and you are definitely a mom. I know it sometimes begs an "Aww I'm so sorry" from people but when they ask how many kids I have, I include Ben whom I lost Oct 12, 2002. I have a son, even though the world sees me with two little girls. I just brag he's the "best behaved" boy I've seen. hehehe I remember picking up Ben's ashes from the funeral home and couldn't believe I was "doing that again". It was horrific enough when I lost my first husband to pick up his ashes and bring them home. Ben is in an urn in the shape of a cherub. I crocheted a premie hat for the head and would notice it would be on the floor or behind him somedays. I thought "typical boy, doesn't want to wear his hat"... but later it was found out the cat was getting up there to rub on him, knocking the hat off. :-) Your baby is in good company with all of playful and some mischevious lots (if I know my son heheh) that have gone before. I will say my prayers for you Danielle and for your family. Love be with you!

aka Sue

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby heatherbbb » Fri Oct 01, 2004 09:46 am

Thank you for sharing this with us. It is so hard to be a mom without a baby to care for. I still cry once in a while for no reason too. Wishing you the best!

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005)

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby kimb » Thu Sep 30, 2004 08:12 pm

I very much remember the day I picked up Will's ashes - all I could do was hold and hug that box - that is my baby and I will always be his mommy. I still cry out of nowhere sometimes - especially if I'm stressed at work. I am glad we decided to have him at home with us - I talk to him regularly. We seem to have memento's in every room too. I have a lip balm at work that I've used all of - but it was the lip balm a friend brought me in the hospital - it's so hard to give up anything that I can relate to him. We will always be our babies mommies.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby tracey » Thu Sep 30, 2004 02:16 pm

Hugs to you Danielle.
You most certainly are a mom, just as sure as the rest of us here are, whether our babies are "with" us or not. They will always be with us.
Your story of picking up little Kathrine's ashes brought back many memories for me: I remember distinctly going to pick up Ila's little urn and seeing her beautiful name printed for the first time, on her death certificate. It was very jarring and somehow made the nightmare seem even that much more "real".
We take comfort in having her home with us now. It's funny...just the other day, I actually started noticing for the first time how every single room in our house has something related to her in it, from dried flowers from her service to an incredible painting an artist friend did in her memory, to something as simple and silly as some great moisturizer my husband bought while we were in the hospital (smelling it now, I still can't help but think of Ila). It seems we have unknowingly surrounded ourselves with little "shrines" to her that only we know about.

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you will continue to do so.

mama to
angel Ila Elizabeth (02.06.04),
pea-in-the-pod, EDD 03.25.05

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby for faith » Thu Sep 30, 2004 01:50 pm

HUGS Danielle ~ You are definitely a mom, don't let anyone else change that. I know how hard each step of this journey is after such a loss. My thoughts are with you, I'm glad she is home with you.

Thank you for sharing this with us. Sending tons of hugs to you today and in the days to come.

mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02

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Re : Felt like sharing...

Postby angelkat » Thu Sep 30, 2004 01:01 pm


You will always be a MOM. No one can ever take that away from you!. It must have been so hard to pick up your little girls ashes. But now she is home with.

Thank you for sharing with us!... Hopefully we will be able to help you as it has helped me in so many ways...

Sending you HUGE HUGS

Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/l ... ope&Sort=V

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