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First Time Here....needed to share

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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby space_coaster » Mon Oct 04, 2004 08:11 am

by space_coaster (88 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 08:11 am

Dee, I can totally understand your feelings -- I wouldn't do very well in a support group that pushed any religion on its members either. I think it's great that you're trying to start a group on your own. I wish you the best of luck with it.

Take care.

Jocelyn (36)
Mommy to Michelle Elizabeth, 8/25-9/1/04, 24w1d, 1 lb 3 oz, severe PE/HELLP syndrome

Michelle's memorial page: http://www.geocities.com/jfiorello68
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby for faith » Mon Oct 04, 2004 09:31 am

by for faith (1749 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 09:31 am

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you find the support you need without other religions being pushed on you. I am Catholic too and I hope that you can find support within your parish or in surrounding ones.

I have had a little experience with the anger towards God, I felt that for a time and so did DH. Think it may just take your DH a little time, I have found that holding onto my faith is the only thing keeping me together some days.

Take care, I hope this forum helps you as it has me,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby julie f » Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:38 am

by julie f (7993 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:38 am

Dee,

I am so sorry for your loss, there are just no words...

You are right, this is the worst "reality check" life can offer. There is no sense to be made of such a tragedy. It has been over a year since I lost my son and I still struggle for understanding every day.

I hope that you are able to start something at church for women who also know this pain. I can imagine that they be hesitant it first, it seems that the "real world" doesn't know what to do with us and the things people say with good intentions, can be so isolating and hurtful. What a gift though, if you can help women find a place where they can mourn their children with respect, love and compassion. I have found the Foundation to be my biggest source of that. My faith and the women here have helped me to stand back on my feet when all I want to so is stay in bed.

My husband and I also deal with losing Zach in different ways. I too need to talk while my husband is much more guarded and quiet. It has led us though on quite the spiritual journey, trusting in God means something entirely different to me now than it did a year ago. One thing that was very helpful to us was to talk with our pastor. He helped us to make sense of our feelings, to let us know that's ok that we still feel an overwhelming mix of emotions when we walk through the church doors, that it's ok to struggle to "praise" while our hearts are still in mourning...

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby heatherbbb » Mon Oct 04, 2004 02:21 pm

by heatherbbb (603 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 02:21 pm

Dee,
I am actually LDS in an area where the LDS church is a minority. I can completely understand why you would be hesitant to go to a support group where most of its members would be all one religion, different from your own. (Especially when members of the LDS are so excited to share their "Good News" to everyone.) I went to a support group for six months called SHARE (which I think is nationwide). I have no idea what religions the other members are other than some do talk about faith in God and praying. We never discuss specific doctrine. If you cannot get a support group organized through your church (which would be great), I would suggest calling the local Support Group Leader and discussing your concerns with her/him before deciding to attend or not attend. She/He may be able to address your concerns, tell you the mix of people in the group (which I would guess is constantly changing), and tell you how much religion typically plays into the discussions. She/He might even be able to tell you if there are other Catholics or even people of other religions in the group.

You asked about husbands. My husband was very angry with God after we lost our son in Feb. I think he felt that our 5 1/2 months of praying for our son to recover from Chronic Lung Disease (due to prematurity) was all in vain. As if God ignored us. My husband would go to church with me, but he would not pray for several months. This was very difficult for me, because I could not fix this for him. He seemed to work through some of this himself. He will pray now, but I still do not know if he has completely recovered his previous relationship with God. It's been hard for me too. I hung onto my faith to help me with this trial. However, I know I will never get a specific answer to "why we had to lose him" during this lifetime. I know we live in a mortal existence and are subject to illness as a part of this existence. I also know that God could have healed my son if it had been His will. I have just had to accept that I cannot understand God's will now, I just accept that He loves me and I will understand in the next life. I hope you can find some form of support that works for you locally. One of the best things in our support group was that my husband shared stuff he never shared with me at home. He was suffering a lot more than he would let on. I wish you and your husband the very best as you work this difficult grieving process. (And it is work!) You are not alone in this.

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005)
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby danielleberry » Mon Oct 04, 2004 02:47 pm

by danielleberry (18 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 02:47 pm

Dee,

I am truely sorry for your loss. My husband and I just lost our 1st child, Kathrine, on Aug 23,04. We picked up her ashes just a couple of days agos and sometimes I feel that I'm getting better and then there are other days when I'm at a total loss. I'm a new member to this forum as well and I have found it to be really helpfull. I understand what you mean by seeing other pregnant ladies, because I was like that too. I have been told this a million times and I sure that you've probably been told this too, that everything will get better with time.

Just know that you're not alone. Welcome the forum.

Danielle
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby forlogan » Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:11 pm

by forlogan (84 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:11 pm

Thank you EVERYONE for your support and words of encouragement. It really means the world to me to have all of you "around" me. It's just comforting to know that if I'm having a bad day, question, thought or feeling that you are all here for me. Thank you and God bless you all.

I look forward to each day now with a little more hope. I remember when I first came to this website (not the forum) I just sat and read stories about all of the babies and mothers dying from this terrible thing and I was so angry. "Why is this happening?", I cried, with tears streaming down my face. Then I started to read more stories and at first wouldn't read any of the "success" stories. It almost made me feel worse, almost jealous, that those women have their babies to hold and have near them. Then I realized that those same "success" stories can give me hope for the future. I have been told that they don't know why this happened to me...it was a fluke. I have been tested for all the underlying conditions that are common and came up empty hannded. We had an autopsy done on our son in the hopes that they would find something that could give us the answers. I remember discussing it with our priest right after Logan was born and he agreed with me. We felt that even though it was very difficult to let them perform the autopsy I felt I needed to so others may not endure the same pain as we did. Unfortunately he was absolutely perfect. No genetic problems, etc...It was just too soon and he was just too small. I wrote a poem that sits on the box that contains his ashes. We had a private graveside service for him and it's with him always. I'd like to share it with all of you sometime. I'm not a writer, but it came from my heart. It was like Logan helped me write what I was feeling that day. I am so happy to have found all of you. Thank you again for all of your support.

Love to all,
Dee (31)
DH Bryan (32)
Mom to:
Talia - 7 - full term, no complications 1-31-97
Logan - stillborn due to severe PE 5-16-04 "Our little angel"
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby angelkat » Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:28 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:28 pm

Dee,

I am so glad you decided to come over to the forum. There is so much love and understanding on this forum and that is what got me thru my pg (after my loss.) There is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel. Hard yes, it is but just know we are always here for you!!!...

When you feel up to it please share your poem I would love to it read.

Sending you huge hugs

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : First Time Here....needed to share

Postby for faith » Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:40 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Mon Oct 04, 2004 03:40 pm

Thanks for sharing with us Dee. I would love to hear the poem when you want to share. I definitely have days that all I can think about it why, why anyone and why me? I just pray for each day to be a little better. Take care,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02
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