My beloved Jake's anniversary

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My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby sam » Thu Oct 07, 2004 11:57 am

Hello

its been a while since i have posted because i have been feeling so terrible, i am approaching my beloved jake's 1st anniversary (weds 13th oct). I can't believe it has been almost a year since my very soul was rocked by the death of my much longed for son Jake. Everyone around me is having babies (2 newborns in the last week!) and it just hits home that my baby isn't here with me, where he should be (in my arms). I am almost inconsolable at times and feel so dreadfully lonely, with a heart that aches so badly and at times it is much more than i can bear.
My darling best friend called me last night on my mobile phone (which has a radio on its handsfee gizmo, which i was listening to before she called!), to see how i was because i have been avoiding conversations with people for the last week. Inevitably i started crying and telling her how much i missed him and how s**t i have been feeling, and when i hung up, Jake's funeral music (barbar's adaggio for strings) was playing on the radio station and sent me back into a tail-spin of emotions and tears again. So i spent the whole night just crying til my poor eye's were raw.

However, Today i am focusing on how to honour my precious boy on wednesday. On saturday i am going shopping for a piece of silver jewelery to have Jake's name engraved upon it and i am going to release some balloons and light a candle for him on the actual day. I am also in the midst of writing another poem to Jake, which i will read to him on wednesday too.
It's been lovely reading some of the other's tributes here for all the little angels, i know we all feel for each other's losses, and i wish strength and peace to all of you who have gone through this nightmare.

Sunday the 10th of oct there is a memorial service organised by the SAND's group here in the UK and i am going to read out this poem that i found, which means the world to me. Just thought i would share it with you girls.

The Cord - Author unknown

We are connected, my child and I
An invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It's not the cord that connects us til birth
this cord can't be seen by any on earth.
This cord does it's work right from the start
it binds us together, attached to my heart

I now it's there, though no one can see
the invisible cord from my child to me.
the strength of this cord is hard to describe
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied
It's stronger than any cord man could create
it withstands the test, can hold any weight

And though you are gone, though not here with me
the cord is still there, but no one can see
It pulls at my heart, i am bruised, i am sore
But this cord is my lifeline as never before
i am thankful that we are connected this way,
A mother and child, death can't take it away

thanks for listening!


sam
London,UK
severe PE/class 1 HELLP @ 27wks
13th oct 2003
mummy to angel jake
http://www.shattered-dreams.uk.com/jakehayman.htm
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby laura » Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:25 am

Sam- I was just thinking of you yesterday and I was waiting 'til Jake's angel day to email you... I should have anyway! I'm so sorry, sweetie-- I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you...{{{hugs}}}

Laura
Administrator/AK Area Coordinator

Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 ~ Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby catherine » Thu Oct 07, 2004 01:17 pm

Me, too. I've missed you Sam. You're always special to me because Sam's birthday is just one day before Lucy's. I just wanted to let you know that we're going to be putting one extra candle on her cake next weekend.

Hugs.

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby josiah1112 » Thu Oct 07, 2004 01:21 pm

Hi Sam,

That's such a powerful poem and so true!! We
are forever changed women because of our babies..
I'm sorry that it's been rough for you, but I
really can't imagine it being any other way. It's
the price one pays for loving so much.. Thinking
of you and precious Jake.





Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Future Adoptive Mom
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby angelkat » Thu Oct 07, 2004 02:56 pm

Sam,

Sending you prayers for comfort,peace and strength to get thru the hard days.

When Katlyne's memorial music comes on (I believe by Diamond Rio) tears swell in my eyes. But, I started telling myself that she is sending a hello mom message to me.

Thinking you

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby for faith » Thu Oct 07, 2004 03:19 pm

Sam ~ Wishing you a peaceful week. That is great you have plans for Jake's anniversary, that is so special. Thanks for sharing that poem, it is so true and so touching. Sending lots of hugs.



Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby sweetiesuzy » Thu Oct 07, 2004 04:01 pm

Sam -

Thank you so much for sharing. I love the poem you shared. It is beautiful.

I will be thinking of you and your precious baby.

Hugs,
Suzanna

Aaryngston ~ 3/25/95
Chloe Rose ~ 10/26/01 Stillbirth
Samuel Isaac ~ 12/30/02
Laura Elise ~ 7/19/04

"Children will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for"
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby space_coaster » Thu Oct 07, 2004 07:31 pm

Hi Sam,

Your memorial ideas sound just wonderful. And the poem is lovely. You and Jake are in my thoughts. I wish you peace on Jake's angel day.

Jocelyn (36)
Mommy to Michelle Elizabeth, 8/25-9/1/04, 24w1d, 1 lb 3 oz, severe PE/HELLP syndrome

Michelle's memorial page: http://www.geocities.com/jfiorello68
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby kdreher » Fri Oct 08, 2004 06:11 am

Sending you hugs and prayers to make it through the day. Your poem is beautiful and plans to get a necklace or jewelry are great. I plan on having a sort of mother's ring made in 2005 to honor my son's 10th birthday/passing. I have a few things now with Tyler's birthstone already.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
Hoping for a little miracle in 2005! (after TR surgery in 2004)


tkstevens@sbcglobal.net or kstevens@cga.uscg.mil
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Re : My beloved Jake's anniversary

Postby denise » Fri Oct 08, 2004 06:15 am

Sending big {{{HUGS}}} to help you get through this difficult week, and after. That poem is beautiful. Keeping you in my thoughts.

-------
Co-coordinator for WI
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Jason (32)
Ariana (16 months)-born 5/3/03 at 35 weeks due to HELLP

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