by forlogan (84 Posts), Thu Oct 07, 2004 08:13 pm
Hi everyone....I just had a difficult moment tonight. I hate it when something, a question or someone catches you off guard. I am a Brownie Troop Leader for my daughter's troop and was at a Leader meeting tonight. I haven't seen all of these women all summer and some of them knew I had been on bed rest, but never heard of the outcome of my pregnancy. First, it started with a questionaire that was just a getting to know you again...a spotlight for everyone to try to guess who it was. Anyway, the very last question was "If you could meet anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?" Immediately and without thinking I wrote "my son". I didn't have to explain and didn't feel I should. It just came out and it's truly how I feel. I never really got to "meet" him. He was stillborn and I only knew him when he was growing and kicking inside me. I still miss that feeling and feel very empty sometimes. I used to talk to him and call him "my little man." I never got to look into his eyes and see him looking back at me. I know he watches over us now, and I still talk to him often. I was feeling sad through the meeting now and low and behold someone came up to me and said, "Last I heard you were on bedrest...did you have your baby?" I just said he died and couldn't say any more. I was afraid I would start bawling. I think I came across as rude, but didn't mean to. I just couldn't talk at the moment. I cried on the way home. Thanks everyone, for listening. You are all wonderful.
DH Bryan (32)
Talia - 7 (full term, no complications) 1-31-97
Logan - Stillborn at 25w due to severe PE 5-16-04
and 4 little angels in heaven