a hard moment tonight

[grace04]

Dee,

I agree with all these women. Don't worry about being rude. Someone told me shortly after Grace died that this is the one time in my life where I can be selfish and people will understand. You need to deal with those questions however you feel you need to. I have had so many of those questions. In my job we work with lots of associations, and so many of the members of those associations knew I was pregnant - and now, over six months later, I still run in to people who last saw me pregnant, and say stuff to me like ... "So - did you have a boy or a girl?" I usually answer with a smile and say, "we had a girl" and then say, "but I delivered really early and she didn't make it" or I'll just say "it ended tragically." Its true that people don't know what to say and aren't prepared for your answer. Unfortunately, other people go on with their lives and it makes us feel like we were left in the dust. The worst is when other people think I should have "moved on" by now. Give me a break! I don't think I will ever "move on" from the loss of Grace. But someone told me once that people say stupid things because they don't know what else to say... so I try very hard to remember that when I want to scream at them for what they said!

Jaime Nolan
Mother of Grace Ann Nolan
2/22/04-3/2/04 (born @ 27 weeks Pre E)

[heatherbbb]

Dee,
I'm so sorry things like this happen. My son was in the NICU for 5 1/2 months before he died. Every week at church, well-meaning people would ask how he was (all wanting a positive answer). Sometimes I felt rude because I couldn't deal with the questions. There was no good answer. I could never truthfully answer that he was fine when we could never get him off of a ventilator more than a few days. My son passed away 8 months ago and I still bump into people that ask how he is doing. I wish I could say something comforting. The best I can do is say that I understand and that many here understand the difficulties of this situation. I wish you the very best and also say good for you for being a Brownie Troop Leader!

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005)