The first time someone asked, I felt like I got hit by a truck. Dh and I were out and ran into someone that he knew from years ago (he never knew about Zach) and he asked us if this was our first. Dh's mouth opened but nothing came out. Finally, I just said yes. I had mentally prepared for someone to ask me that question but, when they finally did, I was like a deer in headlights.
After that, it seemed like I must've gotten at least two people a week asking if this was our first or, what number was this, etc. I would reply that it was our 2nd and then the inevitable question followed, how old is your first? I reply that my son passed away last year. Usually, people look uncomfortable, say they're sorry and then quickly excuse themselves. On the other side, I have had a few people who instantly have understanding looks and will share that they have lost a child as well. I actually had a good friend tell me that I shouldn't talk about it, that I should say this is my first because it's too uncomfortable for people to respond to...[}:)] I just about died. I actually feel very comfortable with my response to people now, I'm past the point where I worry about whether or not they are made uncomfortable. I feel like it took me a long time to get to this point.
A lot of friends act like this is my first pregnancy though. I don't know quite how to describe it. They say a lot of things like, "Oh, just wait 'till you have a baby, your world is going to be turned upside down..." As if it hasn't been turning for over a year now... They tell me things about how miserable it is when they don't sleep through the night or how all my free time will be gone, I'll never have "alone" time again, etc. I think it's hugely insensitive but, I just try and smile.
Thanks for asking about me Gloria.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!
Southern California Coordinator