I think I am going mad.....

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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby julie f » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:31 am

Houstygirl, many hugs to you. I often feel the same way. Almost every day I tell my husband how I feel that something is wrong and I just don't know it yet, that I'll wait too long to get to the doctor and it will be too late... These feelings have increased tremendously as I approach the time when all started to go downhill last pregnancy... Intellectually, I know that this pregnancy is different, that things are going very well, that I don't have one single red flag for preeclampsia right now... Emotionally, it's a while different story.

I think Heather had some wonderful and very compassionate advice. It is such a scary time and I don't think any of us will feel "safe" until our baby is in our arms. And even then, we'll worry about the future like Alissa said. People say things like, "It'll be fine, don't worry," to make themselves feel better. In their mind, it really will be fine but, they don't know what it's like to bury their baby.

Hang in there and come here and vent/worry anytime, you're not alone.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby houstygirl » Mon Nov 01, 2004 01:20 pm

Thank you all for your comments.

I have been seen by a Nurse/Midwife every week since 5 weeks. I have my BP done weekly and I take a daily low dose aspirin.

The system in New Zealand seems to be quite different to the US in that you have to choose a Midwife to care for you. Because I am considered "high risk", I am getting Shared care between a Midwife and a Specialist. I see see then every three weeks or so.

My problem last time was that my Midwife basically ignored all of my symptoms and brushed off my worries. This time I am an expert at what can go wrong and so I can keep an eye on things myself too.

I have confidence in my care this time around.....it is myself that I lack confidence in. I worry that I am not capable of producing a live baby.
I also feel pressure from some people not to let them down again. My MIL is the worst.

My first symptom last time was sore ribs on the right side which started around 19/20 weeks. Well this is happening again. That is why I'm concerned.

I have an appointment in 40 minutes with my Midwife and Specialist so I am going to pour out all my worries then.

I'll let you know how I go.
Thanks again for listening :)

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas
born still 3rd April 2004 31wks, weighing 880gms
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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby mom2tori » Mon Nov 01, 2004 01:51 pm

houstygirl- good luck at your appointment, I hope things are progressing fine and that soon all your worries will be set aside. Keep vigilant with your health and stayed in tuned to your body. I keep praying that all will work out well for you.

Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02
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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby heatherbbb » Mon Nov 01, 2004 02:06 pm

Houstygirl,
I am so glad you are getting good care this time around. I wish you the very best. I know with this pregnancy, I just wish there was a fast forward button. Many here share your same fears and concerns. I hope that things go well with your Midwife visit today and that she can help you with some of your concerns. I wish I could make it all better for you (and for me too!). I'm sending you BIG HUGS! We are all pulling for you.

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005), Protein C deficiency & Lupus Anticoagulant (2 Heparin shots/day since 14 weeks)
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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby houstygirl » Mon Nov 01, 2004 04:35 pm

Well I went and all is fine. My BP is that of a 15 year old and there is no trace of protein.
I have been booked in for more scans at 24/26/28 weeks.

I feel a bit better now.

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas
born still 3rd April 2004 31wks, weighing 880gms
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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby josiah1112 » Mon Nov 01, 2004 04:56 pm

[:D]!!!!!!!!!!!

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Re : I think I am going mad.....

Postby mel h. » Tue Nov 02, 2004 06:43 am

Heather, I know exactly how you feel about wanting to smack people who tell you everything's going to be OK, etc. I have a friend at work who is pregnant and she's always telling me how everything's going to work out for us, etc., etc., and it really ticks me off. I think, even if I get pregnant again soon, have a perfect pregnancy and bring home a healthy baby, that's not going to erase the fact that I lost my first baby, and I'll never know the person she would have become. There will always be someone missing from our family. Nothing will ever take her place or erase the traumatic experience that losing her was.
I think some people just have this overwhelming urge to "make everything OK" but that just doesn't work for me. You're right, no one has a crystal ball. All we can do is hope for the best – but there are no guarantees. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Melissa
Mom of Ashley Ann, born at 25 weeks on April 17 due to severe preeclampsia.
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