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Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

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Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby mel h. » Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:47 am

by mel h. (288 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:47 am

Well girls, I have to tell you that I was pretty proud of myself last night.
I held a baby for the first time since I held my little Ashley before she passed away in April after being born at 25 weeks.
I was pretty nervous about it because the women in my office are always bringing in their babies and I would just retreat because I didn't want to face it. But I knew eventually I would have to get past holding a baby for the first time so I could move on. Some good friends of ours were pregnant and due anytime, so I called them a few weeks ago and asked if they would put us on their call list when they went to the hospital. I think they were touched.
Anyway, our friend Chip called last night and said they had had their son at 3:30 a.m. and invited us to come up. My husband didn't want to, so I didn't push him. But I went, and it was OK! If anything, it really made me understand just how sick I really was when I had Ashley. Chip's wife Kelly was sitting up in a chair, eating dinner, had no IVs and felt great, even though she had to have a totally natural childbirth because it was too late for an epidural and she hadn't slept at all.
I feel like I've taken a major step in the grief process – FINALLY!
It also helps me to know that I'm finally able to be happy for someone else and that I understand that their situation is completely separate from ours.
Just wanted to share that. Thanks.


Melissa
Mom of Ashley Ann, born at 25 weeks on April 17 due to severe preeclampsia.
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby kdreher » Mon Nov 08, 2004 07:13 am

by kdreher (2482 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 07:13 am

Good for you Melissa. I know how rough that road can be. To this day still I get anxious when I hold a newborn but it also comes naturally. The hardest for me is when people tell me "you look so good and so natural with a baby" and I say "I know". My dh is so sweeet, he kindly tells me how great I am with kids and it will happen for us one day.
Keep the faith.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Connecticut, USA

Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
Working on a little miracle for 2005!

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby for faith » Mon Nov 08, 2004 09:05 am

by for faith (1749 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 09:05 am

That is so wonderful. I agree that is definitely a step. It is still hard for me to be around newborns, so wanting it to be mine. But I have definitely come a long way. So glad that you have been able to feel some peace and happy for others. Take care,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby angelkat » Mon Nov 08, 2004 09:11 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 09:11 am

Mel,

I'm so happy for you.... Your so right about a foot in the right direction...

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby mom2tori » Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:00 am

by mom2tori (3842 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:00 am

Melissa, how wonderful that you are able to feel like you are taking major steps through your grief! You are worthy of feeling proud of yourself because holding a baby after you have lost yours is tough and I congratulate you for being able to do that without bursting into tears. I wish many more days for you where you feel like you are getting through the grief.

Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby tracey » Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:35 am

by tracey (919 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 10:35 am

Melissa,
Good for you -- it really is a huge step.
A dear friend of mine had a baby girl just 3 weeks after we had and lost Ila. We had gone through the pregnancy together, as it was the first for both of us -- took prenatal yoga classes together, etc. When we lost Ila it was hard on all of us. We all, she and her husband included, always felt she was having a boy, and somehow that seemed to make me feel a bit better. Well, she ended up having a girl, and I'm sad to say, it was very very hard on me. I felt very guilty as a friend and it took me literally weeks to be able to summon the courage to finally meet her, and hold her etc. In the end, it still was hard, but actually not as hard as I thought it would be (ie., I imagined myself drowning the poor little thing in tears!)
Anyway, just wanted to share that I too had been there, and congratulate you on taking such a huge step forward.
(I should sheepishly add, however, that I still shy away from holding most babies -- I never ask to hold them as I would have in the past, but moreso, will hold them if they are placed in my arms! Someday I know, this too, shall pass. A little at a time...)

Hugs to you.

Tracey
mama to
angel Ila Elizabeth (02.06.04), 25w2d ~ severe pe/Class 1 HELLP
pea-in-the-pod, EDD 03.04.05 (37 weeks)
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby heatherbbb » Mon Nov 08, 2004 02:15 pm

by heatherbbb (603 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 02:15 pm

Melissa,
I am so glad for you. First steps are the hardest. I remember holding my newborn nephew in March, a month after my son died. I thought it would feel good to hold a baby without the stress of ventilator tubes, IVs, and leads that my son had always had. But I was disappointed because that baby was not my son. After a minute I just wanted to put the baby down. It is so healthy to be able to be happy for others. I am happy that you feel you are moving forward in the grief process. That is so important and you should be proud of your progress. It is also great that you did not push your husband to do something he was not ready for. We all handle our grief differently and at different paces.

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005), Protein C deficiency & Lupus Anticoagulant (2 Heparin shots/day since 14 weeks)
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby denise » Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:00 pm

by denise (5480 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:00 pm

I am so happy for you Mel! You should be very proud of yourself for taking that first step! Keeping you in my thoughts.

-------
Denise (28) Co-coordinator for WI
Jason (32)
Ariana (17 months)-born 5/3/03 at 35 weeks due to HELLP
Currently TTC #2
http://hometown.aol.com/scrapperlang/Home.htm
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby annegarrett » Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:20 pm

by annegarrett (2525 Posts), Mon Nov 08, 2004 06:20 pm

big hugs to you...and congrats on taking this major step!

Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation
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Re : Held a baby for the first time since Ashley

Postby ann marie » Tue Nov 09, 2004 03:55 am

by ann marie (1034 Posts), Tue Nov 09, 2004 03:55 am

Melissa,

I can't imagine how difficult this must have been. I'm glad though that you're continuing to heal. Big hugs,

Ann Marie (29)Moderator for "Ask the Experienced" and "Bedrest"
Co-coordinator for Wisconsin
DH: Matt (32)
PIH/PE/Low Amniotic Fluid
Luke 3/17/04--37 weeks after 15 weeks of bedrest
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