Handling Holidays?.....

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby amillhouse » Sun Nov 28, 2004 06:45 am

Well, this is our first holiday season without Isaiah - last year he was in my tummy for Thanksgiving and I couldn't beart to be with the people we were with last year. Plus a number of people that I was pregnant with are pregnant with the next one now. It hurts so much; I am happy for them but it is hard to express. We ended up having a Turkey party here at our house with a bunch of other Americans and my bosses and their families, plus a few friends. It was the best thing that we could have done. We did go around the room to say what we are thankful for. My DH mentioned Isaiah and it was beautiful. I am nervouse about Christmas and New Year's because I think all of last year's horrbile memories will come flooding back. The worst part is that I went in hosptal last year on 22 December and was there on Christmas, New Year's and so on. These holidays will never be the same and I wonder if I will ever have holiday joy again. However, we will be in the States from 12 December - 7 January and I am really hoping not being here will help. Any of you guys living in California, I might need to call on you for some support (and I will also dish it out!). I truly wish you all peace this season.


Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby heatherbbb » Fri Nov 26, 2004 08:43 am

My uncle sent Seth a "Baby's First Christmas" ornament last year. I am looking forward to hanging it on our tree every year to remember our precious baby. We spent some time with Seth in the NICU last Christmas and we had a good time playing with him. I was telling a co-worker that this Christmas would be hard without Seth. She said, "But you'll have another baby". I told her that hopefully not, little Joshua not due till the end of January. But she just doesn't get that another baby will never replace Seth. It'll never take away losing him. T and Alissa, your posts just confirm that. Your lost little ones will forever be in your hearts and thoughts. I too want to tell my little Joshua of his big brother Seth. I wish all of you peace and comfort during this holiday season.

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section @ 39 weeks (about Jan 20, 2005), Protein C deficiency & Lupus Anticoagulant (2 Heparin shots/day since 14 weeks)
Gestational Diabetes Discoverd at 28 weeks

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby tinalowe » Thu Nov 25, 2004 10:08 pm

Well, i have been pretty worried about the holidays coming up an dhow i would handle it all. Thanksgiving wasn't one that iw as worried about, but I broke down at my in-laws this evening.

As to what we are going to do for Emma. DH and I are still thinking about that as the 1 year anniversary will be 3 days after christmas.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 26

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03 severe pre-e

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby dja » Thu Nov 25, 2004 11:17 am

I've been pondering this. This would have been Amelia's first Christmas. I'm making her a stocking to hang at the chimney with everyone else's, and I think I'm going to decorate a little "angel tree" as just her's. I get all soupy thinking about her and missing her at Christmas.

Mom to Amelia, b/d 03/19/04 @ 22 weeks due to sever PE

Expecting, EDD 04/22/05!

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby kdreher » Thu Nov 25, 2004 05:58 am

I think I handle them pretty well now...it has taken a lot out of me over he past 9 years. Being around all the children is bittersweet, I am very happy to have all the love I do, but of course wish my little guy was here too.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Connecticut, USA

Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
Working on a little miracle for 2005!


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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby tawniemarie » Wed Nov 24, 2004 10:18 pm

I thought that I'd handle the holidays okay, but now I'm not so sure. I went Christmas shopping with my best friend today, and I helped her pick out a drum set for her 4 year old. We didn't look at the baby toy aisle or anything, but it hit me like a truck. I cried and cried when I got home, for the first time in awhile. It just made me really really sad that Tyler would never get to open any gifts under the tree. I've just been taking things one day at a time, and today was just harder than most. I'm not worried about tomorrow though, I don't really associate Thanksgiving with children, like I do Christmas.

Mom to Tyler Michael
3-16-04 to 3-21-04 born at 24 weeks due to severe pre-e.
Pregnant with # 2!! He or she will (I Hope) be delivered between the end of May to the begining of June.

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby kimb » Wed Nov 24, 2004 09:11 pm

I'm doing pretty good for Thanksgiving but have already been aprehensive about Christmas. I am going back to Iowa for Christmas for the first time in 5 years. While I am going to love playing with my 3 nephews - it aches to know that Will never gets to play with them and doesn't get to have the joy of Christmas morning. One of my nephew's was born 3 weeks before I lost Will - so they should have been close in age. I also haven't been to church since losing Will and am not looking forward to having to go. Faith is something I have a very difficult time with since this loss. I have gotten a few Christmas items to put with will's urn and will decorate his little area. Last year I bought angel ornaments for myself and each grandma that say God Bless William (my mom kept hers on her front window all year long and that is where she goes to talk to him) Our stocking holders are snowmen and we bought a blue angel snoman that sits with them for Will. He is well represented in our holiday and it still a part of my everyday thoughts.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby forlogan » Wed Nov 24, 2004 05:12 pm

I have been thinking a lot about the holidays and how it will affect me lately. I attended the Thanksgiving mass with my daughter at her school yesterday. It was a big day for her. It was her first time in taking the gifts up at offertory and I was so proud of her. I found myself with tears in my eyes through the entire mass. It was all about being thankful (of course) and it made me think in all my grief over losing Logan at least I am still here. I am so thankful to be alive this year. I came so close to leaving my family that it truly makes you appreciate each day we have together.

I was thinking yesterday that as time goes by less and less do we hear a "I'm sure sorry about your baby" or "How are you doing?" because it sometimes feels that the world has forgotten. Those are the days that I am so thankful for all of you here in this forum. Your support has meant so much to me and helped me to feel not so alone in all this. I want you all to know that I feel so blessed to have all of you here for me when I need you. I hope you all have a beautiful day tomorrow and wish you all of God's blessings in your lives.

Peace love and comfort to you all....

Dee (31)
DH Bryan (32)
Mom & Dad to:
Talia - 7 (full term, no complications) 1-31-97
Logan - (Stillborn at 25w due to severe PE) 5-16-04 and 4 little Angels in Heaven

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby mom2tori » Wed Nov 24, 2004 11:45 am

Holidays sure can be rough. I do pretty well when we are out and about visting and that, but when we get home I get a little shaken up and teary/weepy. Everyone is having a good time and I watch Tori and think, she should be playing with her big brother right now, or there should be little boy stuff scattered around the house too. Tori is also growing up knowing that she has a big brother and what an impact he has had on my life and the person I am today is largely because of him. I usually light some candles for Dominic and we make a visit out to the cemetary. My husband or my mother usually buys me a gift from Dominic and I let Tori look through the photo album at pictures of Dominic-that helps to make him real to her and not just someone we talk about and never see. Tori recognizes the cemetary when we pull in and usually says something about seeing Dominic and playing with his trucks that are at the gravesite. I thank the Lord everyday for Tori and for the gift of love that only Dominic could teach me. I miss him terribly but have come to the place in my grief where I can look back without too many tears and actually feel blessed for having this perfect baby even though it wasn't long enough. I still feel incredibly close to him and find myself talking to him often. He is my first child and my first experience, taste and feeling of total,complete,incredible, unconditional love that only another mother can understand. I am praying for a good holiday season with many more reminders of the many blessings that I have, I wish the same to all of you.

Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02

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Re : Handling Holidays?.....

Postby angelkat » Wed Nov 24, 2004 07:00 am

Holidays are hard for me since Katlyne was born in December. But, this year it's very hard since having Casey and thinking I wonder how Katlyne would had like Santa. Or I wished I had Katlyne's picture taken with Santa. The day we took Casey to see Santa he had such a sparkle in his eye and I always say his sparkle is Katlyne right there with him/us. I broke down right in the middle of the mall saying I wish Katlyne was here with us.

But since it is the Holidays I can not forget my little girl, so for her 2nd birthday we again are having a party at the NICU this year our families made a donation in Katlyne's name for a memorial stone to be placed in the garden where she took her last breathe. It will be dedicated by our Pastor (Pastor Casey) on the 9th of December. We will only be releasing 2 balloons this year for her second year of life in heaven.

In looking back these last two years, wow my life has sure changed. I'm so very thankful for the time I was able to have with Katlyne. To see her smile, to see her grow, to see her look around the NICU at what was happening. My life will never be the same again BUT, I am very greatful!. Casey has been an added blessing to us. I feel at times it's like having two babies in one. I do tend to hold late at night telling him all about his big sister who is in a better place. He will always know of his sweet sister Katlyne and for a wonderful Pastor who has helped us thru this time for whom he is named after.

I wish you all much peace during this holiday season.

Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/l ... ope&Sort=V

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