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Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 07:32 pm
by sezza
I think that it is really important to get people around you that make you feel like you can get excited about the pregnancy. I HATE HATE HATE going into the hospital that I have to go to as i feel like there is a neon sign over my head that reads "high risk watch out people". It made me very anxious about the pregnancy which is not what you want when you need to be mindful of blood pressure!!!!!
I hate it when people say " oh well you might not even make it to term"... thanks for the vote of confidence.
I have got a team around me that supports that I can go to term and who can deal with issues as they come up. The moral support is worth more and clinical knowledge. How often do you get pregnant?? It is something to be enjoyed, though the haze of past trauma.
I am not sure if others are the same but I knew that there was something going on with my first child. Trust your instincts for your team and for what is happening with your body.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 12:11 am
by missgamecock
You need to be with a dr that you are comfortable with. My ob lays it out. It is what it is. This is what we are going to do. he also lets you know that he cares. He has told me plenty of times between Sara and Cate that I would get pe again. He was right. My peri was right. I went into pregnancy with Cate with a 100% chance. However, when my 18 week US indicated right uterine notching (the tech knew that I knew what it was when I saw it because I said something along the lines of this is not good and is an indicator of pe - which was related to my peri and my ob), they were both it is what it is and here is the plan. This is what we are going to do to watch you. At the first sign of trouble, out she comes. It was true because my peri wanted to deliver at 34/6 and I refused. After discussing it with my ob and me promising a hundred times to call at the first sign of trouble, she was delivered at 36 weeks on the nose. My ob laid that out to. Basically I deliver or else do bloodwork every 2 days until I crashed and became an emergency. So I agreed. I just wanted to give her a couple of more days. After she was born. He told me smart mommy for giving her that extra time. I was like smart doctor for making me deliver. :)

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:37 pm
by chloeada
Hey, I just noticed our kids are almost the same age and were the same birth weight! Zoe was born at 30 weeks. My biggest problem with docs in NYC is that they are overloaded with patients, so the burden of watching my symptoms like a hawk is ALWAYS on me, and I feel grateful if the doctors remember my name from one appointment to the next without looking at the chart.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:30 pm
by chloeada
My MFM is realistic but also pleasant and upbeat, however after everything went down with my first pregnancy, my old OB told me I should consider getting my tubes tied so I couldn't get pregnant again. She left the practice soon after, and I always wondered if she got in trouble for completely missing my pre-e.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 08:54 pm
by complexophelia
Thank you so much for your replies, everyone! I realized when reading the replies that I was unclear! I am totally glad that he is realistic about this pregnancy, about me being high risk, that he is all over it like white on rice as it were. I just don't like being treated like a ticking time bomb, or like "a bug under a magnifying glass." I don't like leaving his office feeling like I should terminate my pregnancy - something I NEVER thought before seeing him.

I decided I'm going to talk to him about his bedside manner next time I see him. I want HIM to worry about my possibility of preeclampsia; I want to be able to relax (as much as possible, of course) and know that he's on top of it, watching me like a hawk. I'm going to talk to him about how hopeless and awful I felt after seeing him, and tell him that I really want him to keep taking care of me, because I do know he's a good doctor.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 03:23 pm
by heather j
I completely agree with what the others have said. I think most of us have had the unique experience of being found interesting by our doctors. When I was sent for my very first consult with an MFM with my first pregnancy, my OB referred to it a "high risk" consult. Those two little words sent me into a crying jag that lasted for a few hours. I didn't want to be high risk, I didn't want to be anything other than "normal," and certainly didn't want to be treated any differently than any other pregnant woman. I felt this way until I was postpartum, and somehow having him here enabled me to really take a look at what had happened.

When we began playing with the idea of having another - there was no question - I wanted a doctor who thought what I had experienced was special (special in that I would get extra attention and monitoring, that my reported symptoms wouldn't be dismissed or put off as normal pregnancy complaints, and that what may otherwise be soft markers for other people, would be something to jolt the attention of my doctors). I knew that, during my preconception consult, if the MFM didn't find my records remarkable or didn't feel that any additional testing or monitoring would be necessary in another pregnancy, that I would continue looking for a doctor who would. I do not in any way like that pregnancy is what it is for me, but I've finally arrived at a place where I've come to terms with that fact. I know that my doctors, because they know my history and weigh it appropriately, will be vigilant in the care of both my baby and me.

I'm sorry he was cold and so sterile. Oddly enough, one of my MFM's is a kisser (in a bizarre, fatherly kind of way), and I find that a little off-putting ;). It's his thing, though, and I'm sure he thinks it makes me people feel cared for and loved. :) If you're comfortable with the care you'll be getting, then I say try to stay with this doctor. If I had to choose - and it's unfortunate that sometimes you do - I'd pick top-notch smart and experienced over a good bedside manner and social skills any day.

If his attitude is something you don't feel like you can manage on top of everything else, then I would start searching/interviewing new MFMs. A link! I certainly wouldn't want to be well into a pregnancy with a doctor whom I didn't really like.

ETA: Just reread and saw that it was the OB you have the problem with, so that link probably won't help much :(.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:19 am
by anonpreemiemom
Jen and Cindy I am with you guys on the blowing sunshine bit. What a great term!

So if it makes you feel better I've had similar. My perinatologist at the first exam said "you know, I have a good feeling about you this time around" and I burst into happy tears because I needed to hear it. She was still VERY realistic but always optimistic. (The residents suck, they are always negative) BUT my Ob Gyn has been much more conservative and actually admitted she didnt think I would go to 32 weeks and LOL hadn't booked any future appointments because of it. But both ladies have been fantastic and the conservative one totally on top of it.

Yes it does sound like he has a bad bedside manner but honestly I would not mind being treated as a case study. You want as much care as possible and you want those docs ALL over your bloodwork and your numbers. It is FAR scarier to me when they are not on top of it and get lax. (And actually my peri is a bit overconfident now and missed my bloodwork results one week). I also told my peri at the beginning that I wanted them to learn as much as possible from my case. The only way I can fight pre-e is to give back and help them learn!! So let the residents in, let my blood be part of their research...I dont care if it helps them treat future women better!

So personally I would stick with the great doctor who is going to watch you like a hawk even if he is negative, over the type of doctor who is going to blow sunshine up you and not be honest that this is a high risk pregnancy.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:02 am
by jenmatt1
Lauchlan- you said it better than me "blowing sunshine up my *"- That is exactly how I feel about some doctors. I am the type of person that needs as much info as possible about the worst and then hope for the best. I was lucky with my daughter's birth that all of my doctors were completely honest and gave me as much info as possible. That has been hard to find again now that I am in another state.

You know when you are in the hospital VIP suite (and your not a VIP) and you have hundred of doctors coming to visit you, that you have something rare. Mine was class 1 Hellp and many doctors had not seen that before, so I had a steady stream of residents, interns, obs, plus pediatric cardiologists coming through my room (because of my daughter's heart racing in utero). So I felt a little like a case study, but if it helps a doctor recognize the signs in another woman down the road, then I have no issues with it. However, I do take control of my body. I am the one who gets to decide what I will and will not do. I think you just have to take charge.

Please don't let fear ruin your enjoying this pregnancy. I have realized that over the last few weeks. I will never totally be over the fear of miscarriage, of HELLP, of my baby being a preemie or worse. But I don't want to give up the joy and excitement of the whole process of pregnancy and I refuse to let PE/HELLP take that away from me.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:38 am
by lauchlan
My OB practice has 6 doctors and depending on which one I see, I get lots of different answers. My fav doc is the most conservative (and realistic, in my opinion) but he would never tell me what to do with my own body. One of the others seems to think everything is going to be just fine (blowing sunshine up my *, in my opinion). The others run in the middle of the road. I'd much rather be prepared with the possibilities, than to think everything is going to be a-ok and then be shocked and disappointed if/when something happens.

I know when I had Preeclampsia with my daughter, the entire practice was facinated with the academics behind why I developed it so early (signs started popping up at 16 weeks), and then again when they found the MTHFR. There was a huge conference held in my honor with the OB practice & 2 MFM's to decide exactly how to treat me.

I agree with Jennifer. You have to be comfortable with your doctor. I'm not sure I would like to feel like a fly under a magnifying glass. I only knew about the "research" they were doing on me after the fact. Having a baby after preeclampsia is pressure enough without all the added anxiety. BUT... their study of you could help a lot of women in the future, so it could also be a good thing.

Re : I am not a case study.

Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:26 am
by jenmatt1
I have moved to 3 states since I had my daughter 2 years ago and have seen lots of OBs. Some are better than others. Some have better bedside manners. I don't dislike the ones that want to give me worse case scenario as long as they say- this is what we are going to do to help or monitor it. I also don't like the ones that are all rosy and say everything is going to be ok- because I know from the 1st time, that is not always the case.

My two cents is to make sure you are comfortable with him. I don't need a everything is rosy doctor for myself. If he is not listening to you, then maybe it is time to try someone else. You say he is a Great Doctor- but is that really true if you feel that way when you leave. To me, a great doctor is someone who listens to my concerns no matter how often I have them, takes me seriously, gives me all the options and at the end supports my ultimate decision.