How do you answer this question?

Are you pregnant again after having preeclampsia once already in a previous pregnancy? Post your thoughts/concerns here - there are others who share your feelings. This is also the home of our Bedrest Buddies Support group.
jenmatt1
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby jenmatt1 » Sat Sep 15, 638942 10:28 am

Jules- I agree about the early miscarriages- those are easier for me not to connect to, even though they were hard to go through at the time. The lingering feelings I have about the 2nd trimester loss was much different for me.

Sam10- That is how I go about it now- depends on person and how I am feeling. But after they ask the question I always have a little bit of sadness. Also since I found out I am having a boy this time, I have been going through all of my daughter's baby clothes to see what I can keep and what to give away- that seems to flood me with memories of everything I went through with her and the emotion just gets overwhelming sometimes.

me793462
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby me793462 » Sat Sep 15, 638942 3:50 am

"In some ways, I have often thought about that child from the 2nd trimester loss and I feel like I am lying or cheating not to acknowledge that. On the other hand, it is simpler just to say yes and move on instead of explaining everything to people."

Jennifer, I often feel the same as you described above. Sometimes I do not have the emotional strength to explain my loss but then I feel guilty that I did not aknowledge my son. It is a hard situation to be in. Being pregnant again, I always get the question whether this is my first child. I like Laura's response in saying you have a baby in heaven.

jules2
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby jules2 » Fri Sep 14, 638942 5:20 pm

I tend to say this is my second pregnancy (ignoring the miscarriages I've had, but obviously I could never ignore Alice). My miscarriages were all 1st trimester though, and I think (for me anyway) it does make a big difference how far you have got. I can dismiss the early miscarriages relatively easily.


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kerisue
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby kerisue » Fri Sep 14, 638942 2:33 am

My daughter was 24 weeks when born- just a few short weeks older than the baby you lost, so it seems very natural to me that you would feel that loss very deeply. What's to stop you from thinking of that loss as a still birth rather than a miscarriage? That's what it feels like to you and that's all that matters.

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l412angel
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby l412angel » Wed Sep 05, 638942 5:29 am

I have to agree with Sam. All depepends...did you know the sex? I always say This is my second pregnancy I have a daughter in heaven.

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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby sam10 » Wed Sep 05, 638942 3:07 am

For me it depends, on the day, the person, the situation, on how I feel, what I tell people. Some days I simply don't have the strength to explain my situation and my loss, and rather keep it to myself.



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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby apd » Tue Sep 04, 638942 11:11 pm

I know that some people say "I have X living children" but I know that freaks some people out to hear that. I don't think you're denying your lost baby if it's not "easy" to kind of correct people. It's sort of like if you and your partner were unmarried - I don't think it's worth it to correct people everytime they call him your husband. On the other hand, if you feel strongly about mentioning her - by all means say something. I don't know if that helps or is just rambling.

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jamie w
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Re : How do you answer this question?

Postby jamie w » Tue Sep 04, 638942 9:59 pm

I am so sorry for all of your losses, no matter the gestation. I do not have a good answer for you but I know I have seen this topic before in the grief and loss section. You might try searching there.

jenmatt1
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How do you answer this question?

Postby jenmatt1 » Tue Sep 04, 638942 5:50 pm

I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child but this is my 6th pregnancy. I have had 3 first trimester losses (all of which were farily early 8-10 weeks) and a 2nd trimester loss (but it was shy of 20 weeks so not considered a still birth but rather a miscarriage). Honestly all of the miscarriages were devasting but the 2nd trimester loss was the hardest because I had heard heartbeat and had ultrasounds, etc. I felt connected to that baby, I was showing and we had shared the news with friends and family and started planning for that child. Honestly, I don't think how I felt was much different than someone who had a still born 2 weeks later in their pregnancy.

Now when people say oh this is your 2nd child, I don't know how to answer that. In some ways, I have often thought about that child from the 2nd trimester loss and I feel like I am lying or cheating not to acknowledge that. On the other hand, it is simpler just to say yes and move on instead of explaining everything to people. In lots of ways I wish it would have been classified a still birth because I could have acknowledged it and grieved it differently. Instead I got, well you can always try again.

As I plan for this new baby, I find myself thinking of that baby often and feel a little sad.


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