Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Are you pregnant again after having preeclampsia once already in a previous pregnancy? Post your thoughts/concerns here - there are others who share your feelings. This is also the home of our Bedrest Buddies Support group.
carlisle980
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Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:41 am
Location: Glen Burnie, Maryland

Re: Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Postby carlisle980 » Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:30 am

You're definitely not alone. I have chronic hypertension and have had two healthy take-home babies, but I just found out I'm pregnant again and am petrified. There's no elation, no thrills, no celebrating. Just nerves and fear of "what if." I think hypertensive disorders in pregnancy wreak even more emotional havoc than physical.

I am so sorry about your previous loss. I'm trying to learn not to beat myself up for my ambivalence and hope you can find the strength to do the same.
~Carley (30, Idiopathic Chronic Hypertension)
Mama to Caitrin Emily (born 9/21/07 at 35.5 - premature labor, birthweight 5 lbs 15 oz, take-home baby)
& Collin Burton (born 11/13/09 at 36.1 - premature labor, birthweight 6 lbs 7 oz, take-home baby)
expecting #3 in Sept. 2011 (expecting not to carry past late August 2011)

apd
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Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 01:47 pm

Re: Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Postby apd » Wed Jan 19, 2011 05:54 pm

I've noticed me and several of my friends with risky pregnancies have sort of distanced ourselves from the babies as a way to protect ourselves. My girlfriend is a type 1 diabetic and was just so sure something was going to go wrong with the pregnancy. I'm 35 weeks now so feeling much better, but around 18-20 weeks I really just wanted to go to sleep and wake up full term - the anxiety and stress of worrying about whether this pregnancy would succeed and if I had the baby early what kind of disabilities it might have really bothered me. You might want to think about talking to a therapist - but know that there's nothing wrong with you feeling this way - I have no doubt that we will all love our babies as much as "normal" moms once they are here. It does suck to not be able to walk around with that giddy "I'm pregnant" feeling.

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catherine
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Re: Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Postby catherine » Wed Jan 19, 2011 05:13 pm

No, you aren't alone and you shouldn't feel ashamed.

Even women who haven't lost children struggle to feel invested in a new pregnancy if their previous experiences have been traumatic. It's natural to guard yourself against the fear of hurt and loss. As a culture, we have invested pregnancy with "rainbows and unicorns", turned it into a referendum on clothes, nursery choices, bonding etc. This is not the reality for many women who end up struggling with TTC, miscarriage, pregnancy symptoms and for women like us, pregnancy-induced disease.

When you lost your daughter, you lost the most precious hope of your life and your innocence about the process. Nobody bounces easily back from that. There are many women posting here who have been in your shoes and can understand where you are coming from.

My only experience with pregnancy loss was with early miscarriage and I found that intensely devastating.... then I delivered my second child because of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. When I became pregnant again by accident I was very indifferent to the situation initially, as well as being very afraid that I might become so sick again. By the time I made it to 28 weeks... I just wanted to be done... I was over the "pregnancy experience" I knew that I was only in it for the positive outcome of a living child.

Feel free to share your thoughts and concerns here, nobody judges!
Mom to Finn, Lucy (HELLP syndrome) and Chloe

ktsl123
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Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 02:47 pm

Re: Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Postby ktsl123 » Wed Jan 19, 2011 01:57 pm

You just maybe have a fear of becoming attashed.
Son born healthy at 5lbs 8oz at 35 weeks +2 days due to Severe PE on 7-21-09

Auhmanduh
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 2:16 pm

Disconnected from pregnancy? Am I alone?

Postby Auhmanduh » Wed Jan 19, 2011 01:21 pm

Hello All,

My name is Amanda. We lost our daughter at 24+6 due to severe pre-e in May of 2010. We are pregnant again, but I feel completely disconnected.

I’m almost ashamed to write this.

No excitement
No thrills
No anticipation

Nothing.

I think something that makes it worse is that I see so many baby loss moms pregnant again and they are happy, joyful with each milestone they meet. Here I am, I hit 12 weeks tomorrow. I heard the heartbeat yesterday and yes, I was thankful It was there but…nothing.

Is something wrong with me?


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