by mom41 (20 Posts), Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:12 am
Hi everybody. I am new here but have been reading you for some time. Like a lot of you I am pg after going through the trauma of losing a child (twins) and leaving the hospital with death certificates. I experienced a lot of what is being discussed here-worries about my own mental and physical health (my twins had to be terminated at 23+3 wks), painful milk production, my marriage was under pressure, my then 6 yo son developed anxiety. Ironically I was diagnosed w pre-e on our wedding anniversary and I delivered my girls almost on my 40th birthday .. I was also told by some close friends and even family members "just get over it and move on" "you have so many other things in your life to be happy about" "you can always adopt" "you did not even know them" .. I knew ppl meant well, they just did not know how to react and neither did I. But in addition to my own usual qs "why me?" " what did I do wrong?" i developed self doubt that other people would be able to move on .. How wrong I was! Only people who have the same/similar experience can truly understand. And thats how I feel about being pg now. I knew that time will not erase but will help heal the scars. About 6 mo after I found myself able to look at babies and pregnant women without overwhelming emotions. It felt like my family and I started to learn how to live with "it". I focused my life on my son, marriage, went back to work and started working out again, despite still crying on/off. I knew that a rainbow baby would be very special but I was 40.5 yo, after pre-e, left with chronic htn, fertility treatments I and as time went on I was getting more and more scared to TTC, knowing the damage pre-e can do. But here I am - 41 yo, 33 wks pg, naturally without even trying ! Taking labetalol since before pg, and since wk 8 Lovenox 40 and ecotrin 81 daily. I decided to put my job on hold when I was 16 wk, I rest most of the day, I was MFM every 2wks, I check my own BP, urine and weight. I am joining you ladies to give you more hope - i know its easy for me to say it now ( i know things can still go bad w me but I am hopefull now). I was too paranoid and scared to even join the forum before. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, young mothers, losing your first child .. I was older and HAD to get on w my life for my son who needed me. But i also believe that every pg is different - yes, I had IVf conceived twins and pre-e but still, I have so many risk factors for pre-e and all i deal with now is BP controlled on meds and mild swelling. My MFM ( trained in the best institutions in US) believes in Lovenox+asa potencially preventing/delaying pre-e.
son 4/2004 subchorionic hematoma but full term, healthy
1/2011 stillborn twins (IVF) due to severe IUGR/ pre-e 23+3 wks, chronic htn
Jason born 3/21/12, 35w 6 days, healthy 4 lbs 15 oz, 18 in, no pre-e but oligo/iugr, 1 week of NICU for hypoglycemia and mild RDS, doing great ! (thank you labetalol, lda, lovenox and my drs!)