Pregnant again - happy and scared at the same time

[rexelliz]

I am pregnant with my 2nd baby. I am happy because my husband and I have always played with the idea of having a 2nd baby but we didn't really have concrete plans of trying to conceive. It just happened.

Then the reality of possibly experiencing pre-E all over again hit me. It made me scared. I don't want to go through it again. I can still remember the look on my nurse's face as my blood pressure continued to rise. It was a look of hopelessness. I stayed in the hospital for 8 more days after delivery due to my uncontrolled blood pressure.

I have mixed emotions. I love babies. I love my first baby - my little princess. But I'm scared at the same time. I don't know if I'm going to be lucky this time. My little princess is only 15 months old.

Is this a normal feeling? I should be excited but I'm not. I am more scared than anything else.

[alviarin]

Congrats! And the nerves are totally normal, preeclampsia is scary.

Even though my second pregnancy was easier than the first, I still am a little nervous this go-round. I just keep telling myself I am being watched much more closely than ever before, and I know what to signs & symptoms to look out for.

Something that helped me during my second pregnancy was buying a home BP monitor, so I could check my blood pressure every day and log it. I felt like at least I was doing something productive instead of just worrying.

Pre-e is much more common in first pregnancies. And odds are if you do get pre-e again it will be later in gestation or less severe. I'm probably just a repeat customer because I have a family history of preeclampsia.

[mychaelelaine]

i feel the same way as you. i'm happy and nervous. my baby didn't make it unfortunately. it's scary to think you could experience the same symptoms you had with a previous pregnancy but i just try not to dwell on that and stay optimistic. i know how you feel though. i will never forget the look on the doctor's face when he checked for the baby's heartbeat and found nothing. but, i'm just hoping, praying, and believing i will never see that look, ever again! i know one thing, i'm done after this precious cargo is delivered! lol. much too stressful! god bless and good luck to you.

[mom41]

Hi everybody. I am new here but have been reading you for some time. Like a lot of you I am pg after going through the trauma of losing a child (twins) and leaving the hospital with death certificates. I experienced a lot of what is being discussed here-worries about my own mental and physical health (my twins had to be terminated at 23+3 wks), painful milk production, my marriage was under pressure, my then 6 yo son developed anxiety. Ironically I was diagnosed w pre-e on our wedding anniversary and I delivered my girls almost on my 40th birthday .. I was also told by some close friends and even family members "just get over it and move on" "you have so many other things in your life to be happy about" "you can always adopt" "you did not even know them" .. I knew ppl meant well, they just did not know how to react and neither did I. But in addition to my own usual qs "why me?" " what did I do wrong?" i developed self doubt that other people would be able to move on .. How wrong I was! Only people who have the same/similar experience can truly understand. And thats how I feel about being pg now. I knew that time will not erase but will help heal the scars. About 6 mo after I found myself able to look at babies and pregnant women without overwhelming emotions. It felt like my family and I started to learn how to live with "it". I focused my life on my son, marriage, went back to work and started working out again, despite still crying on/off. I knew that a rainbow baby would be very special but I was 40.5 yo, after pre-e, left with chronic htn, fertility treatments I and as time went on I was getting more and more scared to TTC, knowing the damage pre-e can do. But here I am - 41 yo, 33 wks pg, naturally without even trying ! Taking labetalol since before pg, and since wk 8 Lovenox 40 and ecotrin 81 daily. I decided to put my job on hold when I was 16 wk, I rest most of the day, I was MFM every 2wks, I check my own BP, urine and weight. I am joining you ladies to give you more hope - i know its easy for me to say it now ( i know things can still go bad w me but I am hopefull now). I was too paranoid and scared to even join the forum before. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, young mothers, losing your first child .. I was older and HAD to get on w my life for my son who needed me. But i also believe that every pg is different - yes, I had IVf conceived twins and pre-e but still, I have so many risk factors for pre-e and all i deal with now is BP controlled on meds and mild swelling. My MFM ( trained in the best institutions in US) believes in Lovenox+asa potencially preventing/delaying pre-e.

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[caryn]

Very, very normal. This is one reason we are here - subsequent pregnancies are nervewracking!

[mychaelelaine]

@mom41, thanks for your post! it is very encouraging. your story, seems so like mine as well as many other ladies here. i'm just starting, not even 7 weeks, so i appreciate your post.

[rexelliz]

Thank you all for your replies.