Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Are you pregnant again after having preeclampsia once already in a previous pregnancy? Post your thoughts/concerns here - there are others who share your feelings. This is also the home of our Bedrest Buddies Support group.

Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby mymiracles2 » Thu Mar 01, 2012 01:46 pm

Well, bit by bit we are letting family know...and I am feeling super guilty right now. My one sister said, "why would you do that to your kids?' Arghhh...I am feeling pretty down right now...
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby alviarin » Thu Mar 01, 2012 03:40 pm

Wow. Why would your sister "do that" to you? I swear some people lack a filter between their brain and their mouth.

Personally, I put off telling my mom for a while because I wasn't ready to start listening to "helpful" health and diet advice all the time. (don't I wish eating more fruits & veggies could prevent pre-e).

And my kids are excited about the thought of a younger sibling.
Hypothyroid mom to Connor and Claire
(severe pre-e at 38 weeks & "mild" pre-e at 37 weeks)
& baby Annabelle
(chronic HTN & GD, superimposed pre-e @34 weeks, induction @37 weeks)
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby sam10 » Thu Mar 01, 2012 04:21 pm

ughh. Oh how much I love the "good" advice of well-meaning friends and family!
I understand your feelings of guilt. I remember when I was pregnant last year, I felt pretty terrible, as though I had put myself knowingly into trouble.
There is simply no easy way around this. I wish that family and friends could be sometimes more sensitive and understand how scary it is in the first place to attempt another pregnancy after PE.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby MomTimesThree » Thu Mar 01, 2012 04:41 pm

Yeeeesh... doesn't matter how old ya are.. the old adage if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all! Im so sorry your sister said such unkind words... if anyone should be feeling bad its her not you! Hope this pregnancy is smooth sailing and you can rub that in! ;)
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby Petunia » Thu Mar 01, 2012 06:20 pm

I can't believe she said that to you! I almost have the opposite problem... my family seems to forget that I had preeclampsia and that it's probably what took my baby boy from me. They're all excited I'm pregnant again, eager to meet my rainbow baby, but it's frustrating because I feel like nobody understands how scary it is. They almost forget I had it because it was just overshadowed by losing our baby. I guess you can't win either way.
Married the love of my life 7/11/2009
Our first child, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping at 33 weeks on Oct. 25th 2011. Developed pre-e at 32 weeks.
Pregnant again with what I pray is our rainbow baby, due Oct. 14th 2012. Will induce labor no later than 38 weeks if we make it that far!
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby JB » Fri Mar 02, 2012 00:20 am

That is a pretty unkind thing to say to you. I think that people who haven't gone through this really don't understand fully what it feels like.

I told my parents before I told my brothers, and my parents were very supportive. However, my mom told me that at Thanksgiving my brothers had been guessing when I would have another baby and that they all agreed that I wouldn't get pregnant again for at least two years because they thought I was "responsible." sigh. Also, I keep getting hints that some family members disapprove of my decision to have a scheduled repeat c-section, even though both my MFM and my OB have advised me that it is the safest option for me. They never flat-out tell me they disapprove, but they keep asking me why over and over again. It's totally frustrating.
1st - miscarried at 11 weeks in Dec. 2009
2nd - baby girl born Mar. 2011 at 29 weeks 6 days due to severe PE
3rd - baby boy due June 19th, 2012
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby mymiracles2 » Fri Mar 02, 2012 09:01 am

Thanks for all of your support and kind words:) It is a tough decision, and it doesn't mean that I love my other children any less. I am optimistic, we have to be. And though my track record isn't the greatest-this should predetermine this pregnancy. I know that my family cares about me and my health, I just wish I didn't feel as though I was doing something wrong. I am trying hard to push those thoughts aside, if not it will be a LONG road ahead :?
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Re: Family knows - let the guilt set in!

Postby trish » Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:35 am

(((HUGS)) What an awful thing for your sister to say! When I got pregnant with our 3rd I swear I felt like an unwed teen mom that was afraid to tell her mom she was pregnant!! I knew she would be upset and worried about me because of PE (even though I'd had it relatively mild with my 1st 2).

Hang in there!
Trish: mama to my 3 PE Princesses:
Elizabeth 11/6/03 induced at 37 weeks for PE
Katie 4/13/05 induced at 38 weeks for PE
Allison 12/27/07 induced at 36 weeks for PE then PP PE & BP issues for over a year
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