Just plain scared

Are you pregnant again after having preeclampsia once already in a previous pregnancy? Post your thoughts/concerns here - there are others who share your feelings. This is also the home of our Bedrest Buddies Support group.

Just plain scared

Postby Hollykay » Fri Mar 16, 2012 06:17 pm

I have been reading this message board for a few years now and decided it was time to reach out for support myself. If there was anywhere to look for understanding on my fear of PE, I think this would be the place!
I gave birth to my DD 3years ago this March. I had a perfect pregnancy until about 35 weeks. My BP started to rise and had horrible facial swelling. After convincing my clueless dr. I knew something was wrong...I was induced at 38 weeks. I had a perfect beautiful baby girl. A few hours after deliver my condition got much worse. My BP crept up to 180/115. It stayed in that area for the next few days. It took ALOT of meds to get it down to 130s/80s and was released to go home. I was taking a pill about every 2 hours! I barely remember my baby's first couple of weeks of life. :( but i am grateful my bps were back to normal within about 3 weeks.
I am now expecting baby #2 in July! I am very excited, but absolutely terrified. It took ALOT of Debating and thought to decide to try again. But here I am. 22 wks, everything going well so far. But I feel like a ticking time bomb. I have a great Dr who seems to be keeping a close eye on things. I talked to an MFM gave me the "second time is normally less severe" line (which frankly doesn't comfort me much, Iv read to many stories that say otherwise). I have a supportive family, but they can't understand the anxiety and fear I deal with every minute of every day. My fear is that the decision I made to have another, may leave my kids motherless. It could be worse this time. I am just plain scared. I know this is the only place anyone can truly understand that feeling!
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby caryn » Fri Mar 16, 2012 09:20 pm

Welcome out of lurkdom. :) I'm glad you've found us; there are a lot of other posters gutting through subsequent pregnancies here!
Science! The articles you don't want to miss:
The Preeclampsia Puzzle (New Yorker) and Silent Struggle: A New Theory of Pregnancy (New York Times)
Looking for recent articles and studies? Lectures from researchers?
A chance to participate in research? For us on Facebook or Twitter?

Caryn, @carynjrogers, who is not a doctor and who talks about science stuff *way* too much
DS Oscar born by emergent C-section at 34 weeks for fetal indicators, due to severe PE
DD Bridget born by C-section after water broke at 39 weeks after a healthy pregnancy
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby MomTimesThree » Sat Mar 17, 2012 06:33 pm

I hear ya on the ticking bomb feeling. As soon as I crossed the 20 week threshold I swear I heard doom music! I keep reminding myself that I'm not the same person that went into my first two pregnancies. I'm more experienced, wiser and know better how to advocate for myself... I'm hoping that will help and when I feel that anxiety start getting the best of me I try to remember to take it all one day and when needed one breath at a time.

Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby crocusgirl » Sat Mar 17, 2012 09:25 pm

I hear ya on the time bomb thing...as soon as I rounded the 20th week, my paranoia went into overdrive. I am always looking for symptoms...are my feet swelling (that's how it started for me), is this a PE headache or just a regular one, is this heartburn just heartburn...I am trying not to drive myself nuts. I am really lucky to have the care of an MFM who specializes in PE and I just have to chill. But it's really, really hard. I totally empathize. Let's all march onto our July duedates PE-FREE!
Severe PE/HELLP - diagnosed 31 weeks, Violet born 32 weeks - April 23, 2010 - 2.5 lb (IUGR). 5 weeks in NICU, home and going strong.
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby Hollykay » Tue Mar 20, 2012 09:53 am

Thanks for the support ladies!
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby knhowell » Thu Mar 22, 2012 01:49 am

You'll have to keep us updated with how you are going. I was admitted to hospital at 27 weeks with severe Precclapsia (BP 210 / 160), put on the magnesium drip for 36 hours to stop fitting and to buy some time for steriod injections however for some reason I stabalised and was on three different blood pressure medications and around the clock blood pressure checks. There were quite a few close calls, but at 30 weeks I was rushed for a ceaser at 30+1.

My husband and I are planning on trying for another soon but as you said "just plain scared' i dont want to feel frightened through the whole pregnancy, so am reading up on others stories. hopefully there are enough possitive ones to ease my mind (doubtful).
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby eleni » Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:34 am

There are lots of "positive" stories out there, as well. The key, I believe, is remembering that everybody's "next time" is different and the best thing you can do for yourself in a subsequent pregnancy is to know that YOU are armed with better information now, that you are with a health care provider who is armed with better information (i.e., more proactive about monitoring), and that you are embracing ideas and people who can feed your sense of well-being and peacefulness. There's a difference between living each moment with a sense of impending doom (not a good idea) and knowing that IF (not when) a concerning symptom presents itself that you will know better this time what to do with that.

I actually had more people around me - well, really just my mother - who was more clearly anxious then me on my "next time". But I felt so much more empowered and with the right health care provider, that even though I did get PE again, it was later (33wk vs. 29wk) and I was so much more in tune with the monitoring and management of it, that I wasn't such an emotional wreck. I was able to hang in there under hospital care for a couple weeks, bought my little guy a few more weeks and even though he had a couple weeks in Hotel NICU, he is now an amazing, compassionate, brilliant 12 year old. And I'm the stronger for it, too!

Hang in there...know that your feelings are normal AND that you can/will persevere!
Eleni Z. Tsigas
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation

2x PE survivor; 29 week daughter died, 35 week IUGR son made it after 2 weeks of NICU fun; 3rd pregnancy PE-free resulted in strapping 8 pounder son, born at term.
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Re: Just plain scared

Postby Hollykay » Thu Mar 22, 2012 08:35 pm

I am feeling much braver and stronger.I am so thankful for this message board! It has been such a source of empowerment. Thank you all for input!
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