by ssaunders (17 Posts), Sat May 19, 2012 03:21 pm
I just wanted to vent my feelings and fears. Maybe have someone tell me that they share the same fears. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant. I have a scheduled cscetion for May 27th. I will be 38 weeks. The only major problem I have had this pregancy is PIH. My bp is usually 120/70 on labetalol but sometimes, during dr visits its 140/98. They think its due to anxiety. It always comes down after NSTs. I think it could be anxiety as well. My sister, an ER RN, doesn't think so. She thinks its pregnancy and they need to take they baby now. I think she might have some ptsd too though.
I am beyond excited to add a new member to our family. I can't wait to hold him and kiss his face. But as much as I am excited, I think I am scared even more. Its something I have to do, there is no turning back. I tell myself that people go through worse. I haven't even been diagnosed with preeclampsia this time around. I might not get it. My feet are only somewhat swollen, not severly swollen. Since I had pre e and hellp with my first, I had continued to see spots. The eye doctor said the pre e knocked my eyes loose and made them more vulnerable to seeing them. Therefore, I can't really freak out because I see spots, I have for 4 years.
After I tell myself all of this positive news, I then wonder about it creeping up on me. What if I get there and my bp shoots up? What if pre e kills me this time? Why did I chose to risk my life again? Am I selfish? I have a son who really, really needs his mommy. I can't let this kill me. I don't have protien in my urine, but I never had it the first time either.
All I can do is rest and pray. I pray the negative thoughts go away. I pray for peace and to stay calm. I really want it to be over with and done. I want to be holding my baby and for both of us to be healthy.
I have been feeling good mentally most of this pregnancy. It wasn't until this past week that I have gotten very anxious and very scared. I am always a little anxious at doctors visits and worry they might find something wrong. My dr takes good care of me though and everything has been fine. I have done 1 24 hr pee test, 3 NSTs, 2 rounds of blood work to check clotting factors and organ function, and of course the normal stuff.
Anyone have any words of encouragment? Advice?