Drawing line between paranoid and valid concerns..

[anathor21]

Somewhat related to my last post on challenging the drs...

I'm wrestling a bit with deciding where the line is betwen paranoia and valid concern. From the feedback I've received from my first post, combined with reading many (perhaps too many) of the posts and stories on this site I am starting to become more concerned. I suppose this is good in that it keeps me checking BP twice a day, even when less convenient and nothing seems to be changing much - but it is also making me want to question our OB why not this or that course of action - even though the only thing that has really changed since our last appt is my discovery of this site and getting a bit more info (good and bad).

I also don't want my paranoia to infect my wife (I can deal with the stress myself, but I don't want to add it to hers). We are a good team - our relationship is very strong so she already has picked up on my heightened concerns.

Seems that maybe I've gotten just enough knowledge to be dangerous...

Hindsight will make it all much clearer once everything is behind us - but of course it's too late then to affect any change.

Thoughts? other dads out there reading this forum have suggestions on dealing with this?

Thanks in advance for your comments and support!

[gordon k]

It's not paranoia; the only thing you hafta be afraid of is the stuff you don't know. Be honest with you dr., tell her your concerns, and ask the questions that you have. Your physician should not leave you wondering about what's going on and what you should be doing. If you don't feel that you are being adequately informed, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship with your current physician. Your concern and angst will go away with knowledge; your doctor should be providing you with that knowledge. If I were you, I'd probably ask your wife's OB: "Shouldn't we take the bp? Shouldn't we be watching out for signs and symptoms? Why aren't you as concerned about a recurrence?"

My wife's doctor could see it in our faces when we had added questions, and always wanted to make sure that we left with peace of mind. We trusted him, he knew it, to us it made the patient/doctor relationship stronger when everything was out in the open. (In my opinion, this is where the difference between regular OB/GYNs and perinatologists set in.)

If you don't have an appt. scheduled for the next couple of days and have questions, I'd go ahead and call. Hearing much advice and stories can be overbearing at times, and I know you don't want your wife to feel your anxiety. For me, it really was reassuring my wife, trusting her dr., and asking him straight up questions. A good dr. will not take offense and open conversation will strengthen the relationship. Our perinatologist and his nurse always managed our anxieties as well as any physical concerns, thus all anxieties were at a minimum.

I know that it's tough because you worry about your wife, but knowledge, vigilance, and keeping all lines of communication open helps. You can both help each other watch out for anything, and reassure each other. Hope this helps.

[rachel a]

Too much knowledge...cannot be bad. While it can make you much, much more aware of the significance at hand, it won't make you dangerous. Concern is good, vigilance is good...especially combined with your wife's history.

In my personal opinion, don't try to hide your fear from your wife. I personally would be more concerned with a husband hiding his fear than one discussing his fear. Also, maybe these discussions can help ease her fears.

Thinking of you!