Need suggestions for how to help DH

[countrymom2e]

I feel a little funny posting here, but I'm hoping some of the other dads (and moms too) have some suggestions for how I can help my DH.

The short story - developed PIH then p-e with DS at 39 wks, delivered term, was on bedrest for a week post-partum due to the GH, which was then controlled with meds. Pregnancy was a breeze. This pg, I've had kidney stones, and a few scares with the baby that turned out to be nothing (risk of Trisomy 18, ruled out with amnio, and two incidents of heart rate issues that were determined to be fine once I had a NST). Now unfortunately I've been diagnosed with PIH again, this time at 27 wks, am on bedrest, and feeling generally not well.

To make matters harder on DH, we moved out of our antique home almost a year ago b/c DS tested high with lead... so we've been having our house renovated and are trying to wrap up things so we can get home. Every free minute he gets he is up at the house trying to push along the project. We have a lot of $$ pressures from the project too. Plus he works 50 hrs a week for his primary job, and about 10 hrs a week at his second job. He is really stressed out, exhausted, and now with me on bedrest, he can barely cope. Both of us feel like everything is falling apart.

Sorry this is so long! Anyway my question to you is, normally I would be trying to help by taking things off of his plate, taking care of our son, cooking healthy meals for him... but those are all things I cannot do now. When things became overwhelming for you, what helped? What can I do to relieve some of this pressure from his shoulders?

Thanks all --

[anathor21]

Hmm... well to start with it does sound like you have quite a full life there.

What to do to help him? Well, to start with be sure and express to him (over and over again if necessary many of us are dense you know) just how much you realize how busy and over-streatched he is. Generally best to do this in the context of "sit down for a few minutes" rather than "here's one more thing to do" [:)]

Help him to understand what you are currently and may be dealing with with regard to PIH and PE - get him on the board or have him email me if you can. I believe that having a good understanding of things can help many of us to cope better - and it is important that he understand that bedrest isn't a picnic and isn't just a trick that you women pull on us to get to lay around eating bon-bons all day.

If possible keep him involved in your pregnancy with reports from doctor if he can't go and take his list of concerns/questions with you and be sure that he gets his answers. How involved is he now in your care and monitoring?

Discuss how you can perhaps reduce the load on both of you - i.e. in the context of how much your family has to do (all the projects etc) ask him to help you find things that can be 'outsourced' - i.e. things that perhaps friends/family can help with - get them to understand what you are dealing with too! It is not a bad thing to lean on your support group throughout this process, just ask and some folks will come forward. Also consider what you can do while on bedrest to support him - i.e. making phone calls, keeping track of things (i.e. be his administrator and help keep the schedule of materials/people/whatever related to home renovation).

I believe the best way of getting through any challenge is to work as a team with your spouse and face things as one. Easier said than done of course.

Without more knowledge of your situation it's hard for me to come up with more specific recommendations - feel free to email me if you wish, I'm always full of ideas (and every once in a while I get a good one too, heh).

Best of luck!