can someone inform my dh

[ashulsman]

At 27 weeks I was diagnosed with PE once again. With my other I was diagnosed at 34 and delivered at 36. I was told at 27 weeks that I would be put on bedrest with a home nurse coming 2 days a week to check on me. I told my doc. that I really needed to work awile longer and promised to keep a close watch on bp. She agreed as long as I take it easy and see her 1 time a week and also weekly Biophysical profiles, and monitor my bp several times a day at home. I mainly talked her out of the bedrest because I honestly know my dh wouldn't be able to do everything for 13 weeks. I have now made it to 34 weeks and have not had one chance to take a breather. I remind my dh of my condition constantly, but all he says is that he knows what it is and walks away or argues with me about it. I am to the point of extreme exhaustion. He is so insensitive to my feelings and this serious disease. I was also diagnosed with diabetes this week on top of it all. Is there anyone out there who can give him a kick in the rear, and open his eyes to what it is really like? He doesn't listen to me or my feelings maybe from another fathers point of view he can see it better. thankyou

[anathor21]

Well... It does indeed sound as though he doesn't understand what you are dealing with - I am quite certain that most of us husbands do genuinely care and once we do understand we will do whatever it takes to protect and care for our loved ones.

Has he been going to your appointments and spoken to your doctors? i.e. has he gotten first hand information from your medical team? Have you had him read up information here?

I am certainly willing to email with anyone who would like to talk about this - perhaps that could help you out. Without knowing the individual personalities and situation involved it is impossible to know what really is causing the trouble - it may be a simple matter of "what can I do to fix this" - i.e. there really isn't much that we can do to fix PE so there is an element of frustration involved.

The best advice I can give is to be sure and work out with him what it is you expect him to do about your PE - i.e. besides share in your worries and concerns, what do you want him to do different than a "normal" pregnancy? Some suggestions would be to help keep logs of your BP (i.e. remind you to take it on time etc), be the note taker/question asker at appts, play the advocate on the phone if/when you need to call due to crossing any critical lines on bp, etc. Be sure he is also fully aware of the Signs/Symptoms and is checkig them off anytime you are getting worried (i.e. run down the list in those moment of panic) (we kept a printout on the fridge even though we had them memorized...) There are definite roles that husbands can play that are meaningful and helpful and can help keep us involved throughout the process.

Feel free to shoot me an email - or better yet have him shoot me one if you would like. I'd be glad to answer any questions you or he may have (but I'm not a marriage counselor! [:)])

[hfwarner3]

Gee, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this just when you need him the most.

Do you think you could handle a "big sit down"? My wife had to have the "if you can't help me, I am going to have to go stay somewhere else" talk way back when and that shocked me into reality. She asked me to just listen for a minute. She rattled off each symptom she had and how it made her feel. She rattled off her concerns. She listed the things that she is still having to do around the house and how hard it was for her and how she was afraid it was going to kill the baby. Finally, she told me that she loved me and she needed me right now - physically and emotionally - and she could not do it alone.

I woke up and started pulling the load. Sometimes you have to hit someone in the face to get their attention.

[gordon k]

Leveraging off of hfwarner3 and anathor21's responses,
get your husband
involved in the process. Men are triggered to fix
things that are
broken or need to take action during a process. So,
with that said I'd
suggest that you do let your husband know how he
should be helping out
during this pregnancy.

I know when my wife was pregnant I tried to do a
little research, etc.,
on preeclampsia and that did help ease my mind (with
knowledge comes
comfort). However, I was also active during doctor's
visits and made
sure that I clearly understood when to "freak-out" and
when to call for
consult, etc. It got me involved with the pregnancy
and really
clarified how I could support my wife during the
pregnancy.

Here's wishing you smooth sailing and good luck.