(sorry for saying "you" when I'm answering questions that both of you have raised, especially since this is really the Dad's forum! "Mom", we'd be happy to "see" you with your own username, too! And "dad", some other dads should be along soon!)
I'm sorry you had another frustrating visit! 160/88 is *high*. I imagine it's very confusing, though, to have your bp come back to normal so quickly. It's my understanding that in pregnancy-induced hypertension (and even in normal hypertension), bp can bounce up and down a lot before staying consistently high. I'm just glad that for now, it's not *staying* high!
The practice I went to with #1 wasn't much on "second opinions" within the practice. I almost think that's good, though - PE treatment really becomes an art when it's not immediately life-threatening, so the decision to deliver and other choices can vary a lot from doc to doc, and to hear the differences among doctors in the same practice (in my opinion) can actually be more confusing and more upsetting.
That's possibly the wishy-washy-ness you're experiencing, too - that delicate balancing act between giving baby more time vs. getting the baby out to prevent complications is *so* hard. I can definitely understand, though, how you'd like to wait a few more days for the induction if at all possible so that "prior commitment" can be honored. The problem, and it sounds like you do understand this, is that those few days could send you over the edge into severe PE territory - or, you could hold steady like you have been. Personally, after reading all the stories on these boards, I chose to be induced as early as possible with #2.
I have no idea why they didn't measure the baby during the ultrasound. Babies in PE sometimes (often?) are intra-uterine growth restricted (IUGR), and that is another indication that baby is having trouble. On the other hand, since they're already planning to induce, they're just saving themselves some unnecessary work. Ultrasound measurements are also notoriously wrong, as I understand it - someone here recently said their ultrasound showed a 3-pound baby, and within days she gave birth to a 5-pound baby.
As far as I understand it, the stress doesn't affect the progression of the disease, even though it seems to when your /her bp spikes like it has been. I don't think you've said how many weeks you are... Have you gotten a "Bishop's Score" to see how likely an induction would be successful at this point? I hope you are able to talk to your doctor again soon, and hopefully get better answers from her so you can feel better about inducing or waiting to induce!
Keep asking questions! Some other dads should be around soon!