Assistance during bedrest

[hfwarner3]

Now that my wife is on bedrest, I have spent the weekend talking to friends and family who are willing to assist us, but I still have a large "gap" in coverage.

My children are a 6 year old daughter, a 3 year old son, and a 1 year old daughter. The oldest goes to school Monday through Friday 8 - 3. My son goes to pre-school Tuesday and Thursday 9 - 1. The youngest stays at home with her mom.

I have spoken to my employer and they are willing to "work with me" to make things work. I am a network engineer, so luckily I can do 80% of my work over the phone and across the internet. I should be able to make it work by only going in one day a week or two half-days.

I have a ride for my daughter to school in the morning, but no way home. I have no ride for my son. Most importantly, I have no one to care for my daughter.

My mother-in-law is going to come down on Fridays and spend all day. My mother is going to swap weekends with my in-laws.

Some very nice people from Church are going to bring us dinners during the week so I will not have to cook.

I really have two issues -
1) who to watch my wife and youngest daughter while I am at work, and
2) what to do when they hospitalize my wife.

We see the Perinatalogist tomorrow afternoon, so it could be as early as tomorrow that she is hospitalized, but the OB has already told us we "should be make arrangements to handle things once she is hospitalized and to be emotionally prepared that the baby could come early and spend time in the NICU." It sounds after it is a question of "when" with the hospitalization, not "if".

Does anyone have any good advice on how to juggle everything? I have looked into Antepartum Doulas, but there are none within 35 miles of my home. Should I consider college students? Contact the Immigration Services office of the Archdiocese and see if anyone is in need of immediate employment?

I really do not want my poor little daughter in daycare. While we have a couple thousand in savings, money is pretty tight with us, so my financial options are limited.

Thanks for your advice!

[fiona]

Wow, that is quite a schedule you have to juggle. Per the rides: could you post notices at the school and daycare to see if there is anyone prepared to help?

And I wonder whether you shouldn't go back to your church and see if there is anyone willing to help with your daughter - maybe another stay at home mum?

I think you're doing a fantastic job getting so organised - if you make sure people understand just how serious the situation is, then hopefully they'll rally round.

One other thought: is there a local college that runs childcare courses? I'm wondering whether they may be able to recommend a student who could work for credit.

Please let us know how the peri appt goes.

Fiona
dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05

[tommysmommy21004]

I would definitely advise you to check out www.sidelines.org . They help people find support when they are put on bedrest. Please check it out when you get the chance. I wish you all the best. You are in my prayers.

Deanna Smith-Powers (30)

Mommy to Thomas James, b.2/10/04 @ 34 weeks due to severe pre-e and HELLP syndrome
Diagnosed with prothrombin genetic mutations-12/28/04

[lucy]

I think the other ladies already answered your questions and gave pretty good advice, def check out sidelines they may even have a volunteer who could help out, also one other thing you might want to consider is a high school student they could help out a little and most dont charge much also welfare will pay for a babysitter if you take your wifes bedrest orders in at least that is what welfare here says keep your chin up and hang in there, keep us updated and good luck.

Lucy -Expecting a girl due date April 30,2005 supposed to be induced at 36 wks though so end of March begginning of April
Proud mommy to Sebastian Orpheus stillborn at 26 wks due to pre-eclampsia we will always love and never forget you beautiful baby boy!

[hfwarner3]

Is it just me or are only moms answering the Dad forum? [:)]

First, the appointment - they did *another* ultrasound (#6) and checked the cord and the baby's size. They estimated her weight at 2 lbs and 9 oz, so she is right on target. They did a very brief medical history - in other words, the doctor spent 45 seconds asking about our last 3 births. They took her BP and it was 158/82. I brought the list of BPs I had taken three times a day since Friday and the doc actually read it and asked questions (a first for me). My wife's BP starts at about 135/80 in the morning and ends up about 165/90 by 7 pm. My wife also had all the notes from the last three births complete with each OB visit BP up to induction. It made it very clear for the peri to see the upward trend.

The peri was concerned (I was mad) that the OB did not forward any of my wife's records - not even a brief summary of her PIH history. Luckily my wife keeps detailed notes from each OB visit. The peri was also very concerned that no blood had been drawn and no urine test done - not even a dip let alone a 24 hour. The look on her face said, "Are those OBs asleep over there?"

The peri said that with the bottom number crossing 90 in the evening, the past history, and the previous consistent pattern of +10/+5 points every 7-10 days with the last 3 births, she was inclined to send my wife right to the hospital. We were at **** ("the baby factory") because that was the only office with an open appt for today. We are delivering at **** where they have their other office, so we came up with a "compromise." She sent my wife home to continue bedrest and do the 24 hour. If the blood comes back with anything tomorrow - into the hospital. If the urine comes back with protein - into the hospital. If the top number crosses 170 or that bottom number crosses 95, into the hospital. In the meantime, I am to check BP at least 3 times a day and she is to see the peri once a week.

The assumption held by everyone is that she will be in the hospital by next week at the latest, but this at least bought me a day to keep getting organized.

I called the local college, but my wife is uneasy with leaving the children with a stranger. I am still working the church angle (my daughter goes to school at our church) and have found a stay at home mom who has offered to watch the kids in the afternoon a couple days a week but her van is not big enough to transport them (she has 4 and we have 3). I am going to keep working on it and look into the sidelines website.

Thank you again for all your kind comments and great suggestions.

[hfwarner3]

One other note - I really dislike **** hospital. They deliver more babies there than any other hospital in the United States and you can tell. Everything about the place says volume, impersonal service, inefficiency, and speed.

The office staff were either rude or without personality. The nurses were frazzled and made at least 3 "big mistakes" that I saw. The biggest was not even reading the chart and trying to send my wife home instead of sending her to the lab for the blood draw. When I insisted that we were supposed to get blood drawn, she said that was not in the chart and directed us towards the exit. When I did not budge, she said, "Let me check with the doctor" and walked away. Just plain rude.

She sent a lab tech back who took us here, then there, then finally to the lab. They sat my wife in a chair to draw blood. Five minutes later, another nurse comes in and tells my wife, "Mam, you need to move." They made my wife stand against the wall until I got her the nurse's chair, which did not make the nurse happy. The doctor came back in and looked pretty upset over the chaos. She made it clear what needed to be done and the tech drew the blood and got the paperwork. Yes, she drew the blood in the office chair with my wife's arm drapped across the nurse's desk.

This is the same hospital that has been at over 100% capacity every month for the last 2+ years. We personally know 2 people who had to deliver their babies in the hallway at *** because there just plain were not any rooms. Even the overflow rooms were full.

Compare this to **** where people smile and say "Hello." Where the mom is put in one spot and everyone comes to her instead of moving the mom around. Where you feel like people are taking care of you and not just processing another patient.

If any of you are in the Atlanta area and looking for a hospital, I would not let my cat have kittens at ****. I am glad all our future Peri appointments will be at ****.

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*Post edited as per PF registration agreement

[frasiah]

You know, it seems like you are getting situated... at least your wife has a plan of action and you are sorting things on the home front. I am also glad that you have found a hospital in which you are comfortable. One lesson I am learning is that it is important to keep detailed notes of all OB visits for your own sanity and also to review later with other drs as needed. And in your case, your wife's notes saved the day. Please keep us informed about how you are doing and also your wife and kids. Shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

Frasiah
DD sev PE (29 weeks) 07/03/03
m/c 06/04
# 2 due 05/26/2005

[hfwarner3]

Update - it was as I thought. The blood work came back ok, so they waited until this morning to call. Nerve-racking, but good news. They are going to let her stay home and have her come in next week for a follow-up.

[catherine]

Hi, can I suggest that you perhaps talk to the administrators at your sons preschool, and also the pastor at your church. They may be able to suggest specific neighbors or "class" parents who might be able to help with rides, or with drop by assistance. One thing for sure, your family isn't the first to send up in this kind of situation and often, once you ask, a whole helping of support may start to come your way. When I got sick, my husband was out of town on a business trip and the entire neighborhood (or so it seemed) stepped in to help, with food, with kid sitting, with lots of stuff.

You may not be able to preserve your usual "routine"... but I think that you'll find a way to be creative LOL!

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.

[tommysmommy21004]

Glad to hear that the blood work came back normal!!

Deanna Smith-Powers (30)

Mommy to Thomas James, b.2/10/04 @ 34 weeks due to severe pre-e and HELLP syndrome
Diagnosed with prothrombin genetic mutations-12/28/04