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Assistance during bedrest

Are you worried about your partners pregnancy? Has your partner already had preeclampsia? Do you have advice for other dads who could be going through similar experiences as yourself? Post here!

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 09:36 am

by hfwarner3 (141 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 09:36 am

Lunchtime update - I am working from home today.

I talked to the church and I have someone who can take my daughter to school five days a week. I have someone who can take my son both days. I have someone who can watch the kids in the afternoon as needed. I have family at the house Friday - Sunday as needed. My mom also called a cleaning service and she is paying for them to come in once a week.

I am amazed by the willingness of people to help once they hear about what is going on. It really is starting to come together.

I am going to talk to my boss and the leader of the project I am on this afternoon and arrange a work schedule. Thursday's are my worst day to be out because 50% of my meetings are on Thursday. I almost have it worked out so that I can go in on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday and my wife will only be home about 2 hours alone with our youngest daughter. We may not get any better than that.

I will still need to leave early each day, but that is okay since I end up working another hour or two most nights as part of this project. All the work is done by connecting to the servers from my laptop across the Internet, so it is work I can easily do at home.

Thanks again for all the advice and kind words. I was feeling so overwhelmed on Friday and I feel very confident that it will all work out today.
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 09:52 am

by hfwarner3 (141 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 09:52 am

On another note, we have the world's greatest pediatrician. She goes to the same church we do and she heard about everything yesterday while picking up her kids (she works mornings six days a week so that she can have all afternoon with her kids). She is a very nice lady who keeps her kids important and is also a great doctor.

She called this morning and talked to my wife and I for 20 minutes! How is that for service!?!

She was upset about the lack of care my wife is getting. She recommended a different OB that she knows and suggested that I contact the current OB this afternoon to get copies of all my wife's records. If they ask, I can just tell them that it is for the Peri since we will give it to them as well. The Pediatrician was very upset that they sent my wife to the peri "flat footed" - no records, no results (since none done to date), no history, nothing.

The Pediatrician called the peri and let them know that she is the pediatrician on record and that she wants to work with them as things progress so that she knows what she will be handling post-NICU should it come to that. It was very cool.

The pediatrician also told us that we should not "over-worry". She told us that while this is serious, we are almost at a "good place" when she hits 28 weeks on Friday and that we just want to aim for 32 weeks right now. She said that it is almost certain that they would induce or give a c-section at 36 weeks if we make it that far, so it looks like we will have an April baby at the latest.

In talking to the peri, the pediatrician said that it sounds like our baby girl is actually developing a little ahead of schedule according to the ultrasound. She reminded us that ultrasounds can be almost as much art as science at times, but that it is not uncommon for PIH babies to mature a little sooner just like twins do. (I had never heard that before). The placenta and cord are apparently doing fine and the bloodflow is good from what the tech could see.

The "numbers" we are being given are about 90% right now should the baby be born today, but she would very likely have a lengthy stay in the NICU and long-term health problems. At 32 weeks, the survival number is "really good" and the chance of long-term health problems starts to "really drop off". We were also told "36 weeks is the goal at this point, but we would be happy with 34 and focused on 32 as our first goal."

Her BP today is a little higher than I would like (132/88) but it is under 140/90, so I'll take it. I will take it again between 4 and 5 and we will see where it goes. If she gets over 140/90 again, I am supposed to take it at every 2 hours after that. If she goes 6 hours straight with it over 140/90, I am supposed to call.

Thanks again. I will keep you informed as things move along. Gotta get back to work and keep the money coming in. :-)

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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby frasiah » Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:01 am

by frasiah (1074 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:01 am

Can I say husband and father of the year award!!!! You are doing amazingly well...

DD sev PE (29 weeks) 07/03/03
m/c 06/04
# 2 due 05/26/2005
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby fiona » Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:06 am

by fiona (5767 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:06 am

I'm so glad that people have rallied round and that you have such good support from your pediatrician and peri. The logistics sound daunting, but it's amazing what we can survive when we have to. I hope your wife's BP stays under control.

dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:19 am

by hfwarner3 (141 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:19 am

Oh, one other thing I forgot to mention - she had gained five pounds since Thursday. That the peri did not like.
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby sweetiesuzy » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:19 am

by sweetiesuzy (2404 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:19 am

I am finally posting back here! I am so proud of all the hard work you are doing for your wife. You are such a great guy! I can tell you really love and care for your family. Despite your work responsibilities you have truly gone the extra mile to ensure your family is taken care of in all other ways.

I am so glad to see that all the issues you were worried about are now falling into place. Your church sounds wonderful. And your pediatrician... super!

I look forward to hearing another update after you meet with the new OB and peri. I am praying and hopeful that your wife will make it to 36 weeks. How is your wife doing emotionally?

Keep up the amazingly great work!


Aaryngston ~ 3/25/95
Chloe Rose ~ 10/26/01 Stillbirth
Samuel Isaac ~ 12/30/02
Laura Elise ~ 7/19/04

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly"
-Marion Beatty
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby aimeejane » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:47 am

by aimeejane (589 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:47 am

hfwarmer, I'm emailing you, so keep a lookout for it!

Aimee in Duluth, GA

Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby gordon k » Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:32 pm

by gordon k (113 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:32 pm


I'm a husband and dad, also.

It's good that you're "challenging" your wife's doctors with questions and concerns. Keep doing it--this is your wife and unborn baby that we're talking about, and you're trusting her doctor with their lives. Fortunately my wife had a wonderful high-risk OB who answered every question we had, and he kept us abreast of everything going on.

As for the children you have now, I'd try to find a place for them to stay for a month or two, with people that you completely trust. My wife and I had a situation not as critical as yours when we moved--her parents kept the twins for a month while we closed and moved, and it was excruciating to be away from them for that long. The kids would probably be better off not feeling your stress, and you'd have less on your mind to worry about, knowing that they're with people that care for them. The situation of them being away is temporary--if anything goes wrong with your wife and unborn baby, that could, unfortunately, be permanent. My wife was on bedrest for about 5 months, and trust me, she needs you, and should have as little to worry about as possible.

Hope this helps.


DW, Norlisa (35)
essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, successfully treated with atenolol, post-partum preeclampsia
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Twins Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:34 pm

by hfwarner3 (141 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:34 pm

Grrrr. I kinda had it out with the OB nurse on the phone a few hours ago. They are clueless. They actually seemed ticked off that the peri ordered blood and urine tests.

When she asked why the peri wanted to hospitalize my wife, I told her about the BPs I had been taking at the house and how they lined up with the 158/92 that they took at the office last Thursday. She immediately accused me of not knowing how to take blood pressure readings and accusing my wife of not really resting. When I told her that I took the readings as I had been trained, she jumped on me again.

Now I have been taught that you take BP with the person either upright or reclined no more than 45 degrees. The cuff must be level with the heart and the left arm is preferred. This is the military way and that is that. This is also how the tech at the OB office takes it and everytime they do, it is high.

Now they are telling me that the readings only count if I take her BP while she is lying on her left side and I am taking it on her right arm. Now, I am no rocket scientist or brain surgeon, but fluid dynamics tells you that the physics alone of this arrangement is going to lower the readings at least a little.

So now I am confused all over again. The peri told me I was doing it right and to focus on the highest readings. The OB is telling me that they are not concerned as long as they can lower her BP under 140/90. If she lays in a dark room on her left side for one hour while sipping water and that gets her back to 138/88, they say she is fine.

Anyway, the nurse called back 10 minutes later and told me the doctor wanted my wife to go immediately to Labor and Delivery to spend a few hours laying on her left side in a dark room so they could hook her up to a fetal monitor and take her BP every 10 minutes. My wife burst into tears and refused to go. She is convinced that the BP will be under 140/90 and the doctor is just going to claim she is being hysterical. I have to say that I can't blame her.

I feel trapped because the OB and his nurse and really being jerks and my wife wants nothing to do with them. I called the other OB the Peditrician recommended and they don't want us - too far along and too high risk.

My poor wife is just tired, demoralized, and in pain. There is nothing I can do except tell her that I love her, try to keep her as comfortable as possible, and try to shield her from as much of the stress as possible. At this point, she wants nothing to do with any of the doctors and that is a bad place to be. Knowing my wife, I am going to let her cool off tonight and not even bring any of this up. In the morning, I will let her decide how she wants to handle this and make suggestions from there if I disagree with her. She does not need anyone else adding to her stress, but I do need to keep a reality check in place. Luckily, she is the more grounded of the two of us, so that is not hard.

Thanks again for taking the time and giving the encouragement. It seems like it is getting harder instead of easier, but I definitely don't feel like I am going it alone.
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby rachel a » Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:40 pm

by rachel a (2648 Posts), Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:40 pm


Let me first say...You are awesome! (Not to mention, extremely well organized.) There's not much I can say but good luck and God bless.

32 weeks is a good first goal. When my OB said that our goal was 32, I thought to myself, "That will be easy enough." I was sent to local "big hospital" for delivery at 31.5. On the mag, we made it another four days.

Just remember, bedrest can be a trying time for both you AND your wife!

You keep doing what you're doing. Like I said, you sir are awesome!

Love all,
Rachel Adamson

Dylan Samuel 10/04/04 @ 32 weeks (due to severe PE)
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