Assistance during bedrest

Are you worried about your partners pregnancy? Has your partner already had preeclampsia? Do you have advice for other dads who could be going through similar experiences as yourself? Post here!
gordon k
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Posts: 113
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:18 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby gordon k » Wed Feb 16, 2005 08:26 pm

Keeping your wife calm is a good thing, however, constant headaches are not. I'm not sure if you told your peri everything that is going on (excruciating headaches, black spots and flashing lights--although you said that stopped, lack of appetite) but I highly suggest you do so. That hopefully may accelerate your appointment.

Like I said in my last post, my wife went from okay to extremely bad in a matter of minutes. I hope that (and it sounds like you are) you are familiar with the signs and symptoms to look out for. Again, not to scare you, but my wife seemed cognizant when I took her to the hospital with her post-partum preeclampsia--she had a really bad headache. I come to find out that she doesn't remember anything from the time she vomited at home, to lying in the hospital bed. So please, keep an eye on your wife's symptoms.

Again, I'm glad that she's in tune with her body, but please err on the side of caution.

Thanks for keeping us posted--hang in there, keep trying to do the right thing. Your wife might not say it now--but what you are doing is very much appreciated.

Gordon

Gordon (38),
DW, Norlisa (35)
essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, successfully treated with atenolol, post-partum preeclampsia
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Twins Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03

hfwarner3
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Posts: 141
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:10 am

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Wed Feb 16, 2005 01:52 pm

Well, one more day of baby growing. :-)

We talked to the Peri again today and they do not have any appointments open next week at the Kennesaw office next to our hospital. Instead, we will need to go back to the other hospital again. My wife is unhappy with that, but she is just glad that the peri is in the picture and engaged. We already setup the appt after that at our hospital, so we should be good from there. They also have a chart setup for her at both offices, so they will know what is going on if we have to head straight to our hospital.

She already had an appt with the OB set for tomorrow and she is going to keep it. She will drop off the 24 hr urine and ask that the peri get a copy of the results. Her plan is to show up, let them check her out and take her BP and go home. If they admit her, we will call the peri. If they try the "hook you up to monitors for a few hours and send you home" thing again, she is just going to go home and ignore them.

It is her body and I have to listen to her for a sense of how she is doing. She says she is feeling worse today but she not having any black spots or flashing lights today, so I am just keeping an eye on her. Her head is "killing her" all the time now. It hurts so bad that she is sick to her stomach much of the day and does not want to eat. She has been a trooper and eating anyway and just trying to stay calm with the pain. She stopped taking the Tylenol because it wasn't doing anything to stop the pain anyway.

I just got home and have not taken her BP yet since she went right into the bath to relax when I walked in the door. She had to go about 1 hour with the kids without anyone else here. I doubt she spent that whole hour on the couch. I want to give her some calm down time before I check it.

My plan at this point is to keep her calm, try to deal with all this behind the scenes crud myself, and try to get the peri in the driver's seat by next week. Just like the stock market, past history does not guarentee future results, but in the last 3 pregnancies, she still had 2-3 weeks before it got *really* bad, so I am hoping that we have at least another week to ease control over. If not, well, I will deal with the OB at that time if it comes to that.

That is all for now. Another day and the baby is a little bigger. That makes it a good day.

gordon k
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Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:18 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby gordon k » Tue Feb 15, 2005 08:14 pm

What I would do--I'd call the hospital (L&D) of the perinatologist that you do like, and make sure that the attending perinatologist knows what's going on. Move beyond "normal, non-high-risk OBs." Any doctor/nurse that rolls your eyes at you at this point or tells you not to worry about the bp--tell them to please note in your wife's chart that they refused to test or admit her, and have them note that they didn't think that her bp was cause for alarm. My wife's doctor (a perinatologist), never questioned how we took her bp--high bp is high bp. When my wife developed preeclampsia, she went from feeling fine, to 210/115 and not being able to see in the period of a few minutes. I say this not to scare you, but to be aware.

When my wife was pregnant, we only listened to her perinatologist--luckily in our case, all of the nurses, other attendings, and residents referred all decisions to him. Just for you and your wife's peace of mind, in the morning, if at all possible, forget all the other docs and focus on the perinatologist.

Loving your wife and making sure that she is comfortable (and not pushing any of the wrong buttons) actually goes a long long way. Hang in there, and if the blood pressure is high, it's high, and make enough noise so that your wife is treated by someone competent (a high-risk perinatologist that you both trust). Focus on the peri, and sc*** all of the others that are stressing you and your wife out.

Good luck to you, please keep us posted.

Gordon

Gordon(38),
DW, Norlisa (35)
essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, successfully treated with atenolol, post-partum preeclampsia
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Twins Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03

fiona
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Posts: 5767
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 08:33 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby fiona » Tue Feb 15, 2005 07:11 pm

What a nightmare - and you are handling it so well. I also get really fed up with nurses lying me down for bp readings. I'm with you on this one and, in any case, it must be sensible to take it the same way every time to get an accurate picture of what's going on.

I hope you and your wife find someone you can have confidence in very quickly - this is too serious a condition for her to feel she can't seek help. Is there a patient liaison person at your hospital - they act as go-betweens between yourself and the medics in order to diffuse potentially difficult situations and make sure the right care is given.


Fiona
dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05

sweetiesuzy
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Posts: 2404
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby sweetiesuzy » Tue Feb 15, 2005 06:47 pm

Check out this sticky about taking bps:

http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=321

I hope this helps a bit.

Take a deep breath and take each moment as it comes. You are involved and on top of how your wife is feeling. Remember - she knows her body and how she feels. Always call if there is any deviation/change in anything. And can you research any other OBs in the area that may be willing to meet you guys? Maybe your pediatrician has another suggestion? Just throwing around thoughts here...

Huge hugs,
Suz

------------------------
Aaryngston ~ 3/25/95
Chloe Rose ~ 10/26/01 Stillbirth
Samuel Isaac ~ 12/30/02
Laura Elise ~ 7/19/04

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly"
-Marion Beatty

rachel a
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Posts: 2648
Joined: Sat Sep 18, 2004 07:38 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby rachel a » Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:40 pm

hfwarner,

Let me first say...You are awesome! (Not to mention, extremely well organized.) There's not much I can say but good luck and God bless.

32 weeks is a good first goal. When my OB said that our goal was 32, I thought to myself, "That will be easy enough." I was sent to local "big hospital" for delivery at 31.5. On the mag, we made it another four days.

Just remember, bedrest can be a trying time for both you AND your wife!

You keep doing what you're doing. Like I said, you sir are awesome!

Love all,
Rachel Adamson

Dylan Samuel 10/04/04 @ 32 weeks (due to severe PE)

hfwarner3
Registered User
Posts: 141
Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:10 am

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Tue Feb 15, 2005 05:34 pm

Grrrr. I kinda had it out with the OB nurse on the phone a few hours ago. They are clueless. They actually seemed ticked off that the peri ordered blood and urine tests.

When she asked why the peri wanted to hospitalize my wife, I told her about the BPs I had been taking at the house and how they lined up with the 158/92 that they took at the office last Thursday. She immediately accused me of not knowing how to take blood pressure readings and accusing my wife of not really resting. When I told her that I took the readings as I had been trained, she jumped on me again.

Now I have been taught that you take BP with the person either upright or reclined no more than 45 degrees. The cuff must be level with the heart and the left arm is preferred. This is the military way and that is that. This is also how the tech at the OB office takes it and everytime they do, it is high.

Now they are telling me that the readings only count if I take her BP while she is lying on her left side and I am taking it on her right arm. Now, I am no rocket scientist or brain surgeon, but fluid dynamics tells you that the physics alone of this arrangement is going to lower the readings at least a little.

So now I am confused all over again. The peri told me I was doing it right and to focus on the highest readings. The OB is telling me that they are not concerned as long as they can lower her BP under 140/90. If she lays in a dark room on her left side for one hour while sipping water and that gets her back to 138/88, they say she is fine.

Anyway, the nurse called back 10 minutes later and told me the doctor wanted my wife to go immediately to Labor and Delivery to spend a few hours laying on her left side in a dark room so they could hook her up to a fetal monitor and take her BP every 10 minutes. My wife burst into tears and refused to go. She is convinced that the BP will be under 140/90 and the doctor is just going to claim she is being hysterical. I have to say that I can't blame her.

I feel trapped because the OB and his nurse and really being jerks and my wife wants nothing to do with them. I called the other OB the Peditrician recommended and they don't want us - too far along and too high risk.

My poor wife is just tired, demoralized, and in pain. There is nothing I can do except tell her that I love her, try to keep her as comfortable as possible, and try to shield her from as much of the stress as possible. At this point, she wants nothing to do with any of the doctors and that is a bad place to be. Knowing my wife, I am going to let her cool off tonight and not even bring any of this up. In the morning, I will let her decide how she wants to handle this and make suggestions from there if I disagree with her. She does not need anyone else adding to her stress, but I do need to keep a reality check in place. Luckily, she is the more grounded of the two of us, so that is not hard.

Thanks again for taking the time and giving the encouragement. It seems like it is getting harder instead of easier, but I definitely don't feel like I am going it alone.

gordon k
Registered User
Posts: 113
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:18 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby gordon k » Tue Feb 15, 2005 01:32 pm

Hello,

I'm a husband and dad, also.

It's good that you're "challenging" your wife's doctors with questions and concerns. Keep doing it--this is your wife and unborn baby that we're talking about, and you're trusting her doctor with their lives. Fortunately my wife had a wonderful high-risk OB who answered every question we had, and he kept us abreast of everything going on.

As for the children you have now, I'd try to find a place for them to stay for a month or two, with people that you completely trust. My wife and I had a situation not as critical as yours when we moved--her parents kept the twins for a month while we closed and moved, and it was excruciating to be away from them for that long. The kids would probably be better off not feeling your stress, and you'd have less on your mind to worry about, knowing that they're with people that care for them. The situation of them being away is temporary--if anything goes wrong with your wife and unborn baby, that could, unfortunately, be permanent. My wife was on bedrest for about 5 months, and trust me, she needs you, and should have as little to worry about as possible.

Hope this helps.

Gordon

Gordon(38),
DW, Norlisa (35)
essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, successfully treated with atenolol, post-partum preeclampsia
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Twins Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03

aimeejane
Registered User
Posts: 589
Joined: Tue Jan 28, 2003 08:45 am

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby aimeejane » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:47 am

hfwarmer, I'm emailing you, so keep a lookout for it!

Aimee in Duluth, GA

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)

sweetiesuzy
Registered User
Posts: 2404
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 05:37 pm

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby sweetiesuzy » Tue Feb 15, 2005 11:19 am

I am finally posting back here! I am so proud of all the hard work you are doing for your wife. You are such a great guy! I can tell you really love and care for your family. Despite your work responsibilities you have truly gone the extra mile to ensure your family is taken care of in all other ways.

I am so glad to see that all the issues you were worried about are now falling into place. Your church sounds wonderful. And your pediatrician... super!

I look forward to hearing another update after you meet with the new OB and peri. I am praying and hopeful that your wife will make it to 36 weeks. How is your wife doing emotionally?

Keep up the amazingly great work!

Suz

------------------------
Aaryngston ~ 3/25/95
Chloe Rose ~ 10/26/01 Stillbirth
Samuel Isaac ~ 12/30/02
Laura Elise ~ 7/19/04

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly"
-Marion Beatty


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