Assistance during bedrest

Are you worried about your partners pregnancy? Has your partner already had preeclampsia? Do you have advice for other dads who could be going through similar experiences as yourself? Post here!

Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby fiona » Fri Feb 18, 2005 02:19 pm

I'm very glad that you now have ground rules - they need to be stuck to religiously. Also, even if all that happens is your wife saying she feels a little 'off' please take her in - that was the bottom line in both my pregnancies and was the sign that my body was caving in.

The blood work will be looking at her platelet levels and liver function as well as kidney function. When I was in hospital they checked my levels twice a day - that's how quickly things can change. I hope you get through the weekend with no major crises.

Fiona
dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby gordon k » Fri Feb 18, 2005 10:42 pm

I agree with what Fiona says. Hope that your weekend goes smoothly, and I'm glad to hear that you're going to get some help. An occasional break is good for the soul.

Gordon

Gordon(38),
DW, Norlisa (35)
essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, successfully treated with atenolol, post-partum preeclampsia
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Twins Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby kdreher » Sat Feb 19, 2005 04:02 am

After reading all of this I have to say that you really are an awesome father and dad - you have really jumped in here and I am sure learning more about this disease than you ever thought. You sure do deserve the father of the year award. Your concerns about hospitalization at this point and the baby are valid. I'm so happy you have the help that you really need - I believe that people are generally helpful when they know what is going on and even asked. You and your wife and family are in my prayers.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Connecticut, USA

Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
BFP 1/16/05 - M/C 1/26/05

Hoping for a 2005 miracle!

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Sat Feb 19, 2005 06:52 am

Thank you to all of you for your encouragement and kind words. It really does help to have a forum where I can step away for a few minutes to vent, question, evaluate, and listen.

Yesterday it finally sunk in 100% with my wife that this is "something new." It actually makes sense looking back. She has been dealing with her fear over the PIH coming this early by telling herself that she has been here 3 times before and knows what is going on. Last night she was finally able to verbalize that she is afraid, that there is no "logic" to PIH, and the only thing she can do to "fight" this is stay in bed.

With our first three children, she got PIH late in the pregnancy. Her BP would go up consistently each week. If you plotted her top and bottom BP numbers on a graph, you saw two slowly lines movings consistently upward. When the top number hit 170/110 in the week 37 - 38 timeframe, they induced and that was that.

I showed her the graph of her BPs of the last week and it is a rollercoaster with peaks and valleys that are getting ever higher and ever lower. There is no steady line. It really hit home.

I think that she needed to hear herself say that she was afraid and that she did not know what was going on. I think this has helped her accept the situation and take most of the emotion out of the equation.

We made a list of her concerns. It turned out that a lot of her short-term stress is about preperation for the baby, not the PIH. The big semi-annual consignment sale at church is in 2 weeks. She gets 80% of the kids clothes at this sale and was planning on getting the baby's clothes there. Now she can't do that. Once we talked it through, I put the laptop down beside her in bed and she started bidding on clothes on eBay. I told her how she has plenty of time now to patiently look for good deals and the selection on eBay over a few weeks would be much greater than that of the consignment sale. This got her *doing* something, and that has helped.

Ironicly, my wife runs the Elizabeth Ministry for our church. They provide meals to families in our parish when someone is sick, on bed-rest, or has just had a new baby. This has been a very enlightening experience from the receipient standpoint. She has come up with small changes that will make the ministry better. Since it only takes a pad of paper, a pen, and a phone, she has been working on that. This also gives her something to *do*.

My in-laws will be here in a few hours and all is looking good right now. I am going to take a break for a couple hours - go get a haircut, go get a latte, etc. After that, my in-laws are going to take the kids so I can transplant my wife to the sofa and we can watch a movie together. If the BP cooperates, it should be a good day. And if the BP goes up and we need to go to the hospital, we are ready and prepared.

That is about the best we can ask for today.

Thanks again to everyone.
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby tommysmommy21004 » Sat Feb 19, 2005 07:56 am

I just wanted to say that you are a great husband to your wife!! She's very lucky to have such a supportive person in her life. I've seen some people who don't have support from their hubby and it's so hard for them.

Deanna Smith-Powers (30)

Mommy to Thomas James, b.2/10/04 @ 34 weeks due to severe pre-e and HELLP syndrome
Diagnosed with prothrombin genetic mutations-12/28/04
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby jillmushet » Sat Feb 19, 2005 09:33 am

You and your wife make a great team. Making a list of concerns. Having your wife take control where she can. It's fantastic. You're giving a blueprint for other couples in your situation to follow.

I hope that the movie this evening is great fun, and lets you step away from all the worry.

Thank you for sharing. Hugs to both of you.

By the way, the work that your wife does with the Elizabeth Ministy is very inspiring! I wonder if there is something like that in my area (Phoenix metro).

Jill
Claire, 34wks, 3lbs 3ozs
3/3/00, PE & HELLP
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby lucy » Sat Feb 19, 2005 03:57 pm

Wow I cant add much except it seems you are really doing a great job, enjoy your mini break with the haircut and latte and both of you enjoy your movie, keep up the good work and keep everyone updated.

Lucy -Expecting a girl due date April 30,2005 supposed to be induced at 36 wks though so end of March begginning of April

Proud mommy to Sebastian Orpheus stillborn at 26 wks due to pre-eclampsia we will always love and never forget you beautiful baby boy!

Mom to Garet 8
and Angie 6 (7 in March)
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby hfwarner3 » Sat Feb 19, 2005 04:23 pm

And then you sometimes have to roll with the punches.

I did not get the haircut or the latte. By the time we in-laws got her, she was feeling pretty bad. Her BP was 142/88. She seemed to be getting worse and her headache got really bad.

My in-laws took the 3 kids for lunch so that the house was nice and quiet. I was not comfortable leaving her alone, so I stayed here with her and messed around on the computer. She took a short nap, woke up, and went to the bathroom. When she came back, she was nearly in tears her head hurt so bad. I asked her if she wanted some lunch and she said that her head hurt so bad that she was too nausous to eat. I sat her down and took the BP - 148/94. I told her to lay down for 20 minutes and I was going to take it again. It was 146/92. I told her that I was going to call the doctor and she asked me to wait one more hour before I called.

I got her a cold compress for her head and about 30 minutes later she fell back asleep. When she woke up, she said she was feeling a little better. BP - 138/84. That is when the in-laws got back.

A nice woman from church dropped off dinner and I got everyone fed. She ate dinner fine. She admitted to me that she had been seeing the black spots today when it was up to 148/94. I told her that if she gets anywhere close to that condition tomorrow I am taking her straight to the hospital.

That is where we are right now. I need to run and get the kids in bed.
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby fiona » Sat Feb 19, 2005 06:21 pm

I don't want to sound like a harbinger of doom here, but if I had been your wife today, I would have been in hospital. Please consider taking her in tonight or first thing in the morning - I don't think you should be waiting for things to get that bad again before getting checked out.

Fiona
dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05
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Re : Assistance during bedrest

Postby tommysmommy21004 » Sat Feb 19, 2005 06:30 pm

I agree with Fiona!! I would definitely contact the doctor about this.

Deanna Smith-Powers (30)

Mommy to Thomas James, b.2/10/04 @ 34 weeks due to severe pre-e and HELLP syndrome
Diagnosed with prothrombin genetic mutations-12/28/04
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