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Try this again...

Are you worried about your partners pregnancy? Has your partner already had preeclampsia? Do you have advice for other dads who could be going through similar experiences as yourself? Post here!

Re : Try this again...

Postby gordon k » Tue Aug 23, 2005 02:29 pm

by gordon k (113 Posts), Tue Aug 23, 2005 02:29 pm

First, I have to say that you are NOT ranting. Your concerns are very valid and I'm glad that you found this forum as a source of information and support.

If your doctors are actively engaged in the management of your pregnancy and they are providing detailed instructions for you to follow at home, you're in pretty good shape. While I can't say that we've shared your specific experience, it would seem to me that it is normal and natural to have a heightened level of anxiety during this pregnancy. Both you and your wife are probably a touch gun shy...I don't blame you, I would be too.

However, I am encouraged to hear your praises for your medical team. You should take some comfort in their attention and advice. I would encourage you to stay informed of your wife's situation and be an active participant both at home and at the doctor's appointments.

Regarding keeping your wife calm, there are two things that I would suggest:

1. Stay informed: Keep asking those specific questions of your medical team. You are not a bother and the doctor is a partner in this process. The doctors have a vested interest in a successful outcome and will take the time to clearly explain what is going on and what to be on the look out for.

2. Pick up the phone: If something is bothering either of you, don't hesitate to call your doctor. It was important for my wife and I to have access to our medical team in-between visits. If there is something going on that makes you nervous, contact your doctor. Remove the anxiety or take appropriate action, but don't let the concern linger until the next doctor's visit.

Above all else, though, continue to take it one day at a time and stay vigilant. Continued blessings.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby akemt » Tue Aug 23, 2005 08:43 pm

by akemt (4961 Posts), Tue Aug 23, 2005 08:43 pm

Gordon gave a great response. I just wanted to add my prayers that things will continue to go well. It sounds like you've got a great team of doctors and that is so reassuring.

This got long! My apologies! Ugh, and look at me talking like I know it all...I don't.
About trying to help keep your wife calm, I have two things to say...okay, maybe three?
1. If she has a "melt down", it is normal and not the end of the world. It ain't fun but the stress isn't going to make anything worse -just not any better.
2. It isn't your job to keep her calm - just try not to stress her out more. And anything you can do to releive some of the tension she feels will only make her feel better (and like you more!).
3. Being attentive, yet calm yourself, will automatically calm her too.

I'm sure you already know all that...

Some more tangeable suggestions to help her feel better:

Anything that can bring "normal" pregnancy thoughts and happiness such as a baby shower, buying baby things (online, via catalog, however she is able to do so), making/ordering baby announcements and getting them ready so all that needs to be added is the date/weight/name-type info, etc. Though some having had a previous loss might wait, I honestly can't imagine that it could hurt any worse, really, so in my thinking, she might as well try and enjoy it now. Though, I can understand the fear of opening yourself up after a loss...it all just depends on you and your wife.

And, as always, anything that shows either effort or thought -money aint everything! Having her parents write out their parenting bloopers, thoughts and experiences from her youth/babyhood, writing her a letter by hand telling her how you feel -both the good and the bad, but ending with love and hope, making a photo album out of the ultrasound pictures (though I would get high-quality copies and not use the originals), or any other kind of pregnancy memorabilia that she can hold on to.

But in all reality, what she really needs is someone to be there, someone to listen, and someone who cares...which it sure sounds like you are.

And last but not least, don't forget yourself. You know that whole airline shpeal about putting your oxygen mask on before helping someone else get theirs on? Don't forget that while you wife is having a hard time breathing right now, you can't help her if you aren't breathing yourself. Take time to do what you need to do so that you can truly be there for her.

Sending my prayers your way,
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Re : Try this again...

Postby eddie_k » Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:59 am

by eddie_k (26 Posts), Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:59 am

Just an update for you all, we are currently at 27.5 weeks and my wife is doing okay. The OB's have taken more blood at the appointment last week and everything was normal; so so far so good. She is starting to get very tired. I think it is just being pregnant and big but she worries that it is the start of her getting sick. I guess we will see. We have been going to the OB every two weeks and that has made both of us feel better. Any time my wife has a feeling about how she is doing and expresses it to the doctors they check her out and do some blood test to see how things are. That makes both of us feel much better. I just remember her old Ob telling us in the hospital that there was no chance that this would happen again. Granted that the statistic we have been given is about 60-80% that she will have some form of PE this pregnancy and that there is a chance she won't get PE this time, but why would you tell someone that. Anyways that is ultimately why we have switched doctors. Like I said before our new OB's take us seriously (see "crazy people with dead baby" comment above.

We are taking it day by day and we both look forward to 28 weeks, 29 weeks, 30 weeks, etc. Keep the three of us in your prayers as you are in ours.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby lorelei » Thu Sep 15, 2005 02:59 pm

by lorelei (3788 Posts), Thu Sep 15, 2005 02:59 pm

Glad to hear the update. Hope she makes it many more weeks.

We will keep you close in our thoughts and prayers~
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Re : Try this again...

Postby gordon k » Thu Sep 15, 2005 11:17 pm

by gordon k (113 Posts), Thu Sep 15, 2005 11:17 pm

"Knowledge is power," probably the big difference is knowing what steps you should be taking and what you should be looking out for to "beat" preeclampsia (that is, knowing when to call the doctor). I'm very happy to hear that your new OB is taking you and your wife seriously and giving you that wonderful gift of peace of mind. That to me is half the battle won right there, it is a blessing when you, your wife, and her OB work together to achieve a successful outcome.

Will keep all 3 of you in our prayers that this pregnancy has many more healthy weeks to come, and that you have continued health and peace of mind--and remain preeclampsia-free. Thank you for keeping us all in your prayers; it means a lot.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby rachel a » Fri Sep 16, 2005 00:07 am

by rachel a (2648 Posts), Fri Sep 16, 2005 00:07 am

I will continue to remember you three in my prayers! I am so glad to see that things are moving along successfully and that your doctor is being so very awesome about everything.

I too don't understand why a doctor would say that PE won't happen again, that's like saying...you will never get a broken toe. Who knows what the future holds?
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Re : Try this again...

Postby eddie_k » Fri Sep 16, 2005 09:06 am

by eddie_k (26 Posts), Fri Sep 16, 2005 09:06 am

quote:
Originally posted by Rachel Adamson

I will continue to remember you three in my prayers! I am so glad to see that things are moving along successfully and that your doctor is being so very awesome about everything.

I too don't understand why a doctor would say that PE won't happen again, that's like saying...you will never get a broken toe. Who knows what the future holds?



That is the funny thing, all the doctors in the practice were family friends. My mother had worked with the practice for years and they knew us personally. When we heard what our new OB had to say about PE, it was an easy decision to switch. The scary part is that our friends use this practise and we try to share our story so they know of our experience and make sure they ask questions. We all know what happens when you don't. Thanks again for the encouragement.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby cassie05 » Fri Sep 16, 2005 09:21 am

by cassie05 (2243 Posts), Fri Sep 16, 2005 09:21 am

So glad that things ar going well so far. You will all definatly continue to be in my prayers
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