Hi My name is Lisa,
I am from Australia and my mother and sister died from preecclampsia nearly 22 years ago. I am now of the age where I would like to start a family but I am frightened to become pregnant.
I had a very traumatic childhood after loosing my mother just before I turned 2. I do not remember her I do not know what she was like, I am at this stage of my life a complete wreck somtimes still grieving the loss of my mother as I am close to my wedding day and watching other people close to me give birth to babies.
I have been told that I have twice the chance of having preeclampsia then my mother because of how severe it was. Because of the life I have had slipping in and out of depression and the constant grieving over 21 years has made me so scared to think I could have a child and pass away and they would have the same childhood I did. Mind you I do not get along 100% with my partners parents and the thought of them raising my child is painful as I see the way they are with their other grandchildren.
My partner and I are very keen to start a family but it wasn't until my Gyno appointment a few days ago that I have considered not having children. Even though she says that I may be a high risk pregnancy and she will look after me through the whole process and medicine is alot better now then it was back then I can't imagine leaving my child to go through what I did.
I dont know how to cope with this descision the more I think about it the more i do not want to have children..... this is so strange for me as I have been yearning to have my own child since I was very young and am very maternal with everyones children. But I am so scared and this decision could really affect whther or not I marry my partner and with our edding only 5 months away I am in panic mode of what to do. I do not want to deprive him of having a family he will be a wonderful dad and he wants children so badly I would never be selfish to marry him and not give him children.
I need some guidance or help......I have no idea where to go...
Thanks in advance Lisa