To those with 2 or more kids

[Guest]

Hi Ladies,

As some of you may know, I am going through a pregnancy loss right now. I was nine weeks along and at an ultrasound they found no heartbeat. :-(

But I was wondering, "How hard is it to have 2 kids?" I am 41 and still full of energy but I am single. Do you have anytime to yourself when you have 2 young children age 2 and under? How tiring is it on a scale of 1 to 10?

Knowing what you know now, would you still have had 2? What if you were alone, what would you do to cope?

I am just thinking about everything all over again. I really want Megan Audrey to have a sibling but I also want a life for myself. I want time to date and to go out maybe once per week.

Am I kidding myself here? Advice please. :-)

[mikeys mom]

Denise -
Again I just want to say I am sorry for your loss. I also want to say I am not a single mom. However, my husband is a pilot and therefore gone 3-4 days a week. This week he is at a convention in Washington DC. He has been there since Sunday night. It is so stressfull to deal with both boys and be pregnant at the same time. HOWEVER, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my kids more than anything in the world and I can't wait to hold my third boy in my arms. Saying that though doesn't make it easier when I have to leave the house. I feel myself making excuses to stay home and almost never want to take my kids anywhere myself. A quick trip to the grocery store almost always ends up in tears... However, this is a very personal decision and one you need to make and feel comfortable in. I don't blame you for not wanting your daughter to be alone though.

Be kind to yourself!
Shannon

[Guest]

Hey Shannon,

Thanks for your response. Luckily, my mom is quite helpful to me but she is aging so I have to face the reality that she won't be around forever. This 3rd loss really blew me right out of the water and has me questionning everything all over again.

*sigh* I wish things had gone according to the "plan" but I guess most of us on this board know what it is like when things don't go as "planned". Dreadful.

I am pretty kind to myself, thanks. It was just hard losing a third. I will most probably try again though because I will regret it if I don't. However, I just can't keep having loss after loss...so we will see what actually happens......

[mnmom]

Denise, I can kind of relate. I had my daughters pretty young, in a less than ideal marriage that ended when they were about 5 and 3. Being a single parent at any age is hard. Building a strong and extensive support system is so important.

Fast forward more than a few years. I never imagined having more. But, new DH didn't have children of his own; initially said he didn't want any. Until he realized how cool they were:) Along came AJ, my little midlife crisis surprise, my first PE baby. I was 37 when I delivered him, ironically, at 37 weeks! My body knew that should be it. But, like you, I really wanted a sibling close to his age. The girls love him like crazy, but they were in high school, college, and had eachother and their own lives. So, months before my 40th birthday, along came Jaden. I knew after that pregnancy, no matter what my heart said about wanting more, that was it.

Do I regret it? Of course not. If I could, would I have had the boys a little younger in life? Probably. Parenting is physically hard work. Keeping up with two very, very active little boys is tiring. I also have the career issue going on. I am at the age and point where it really needs my time and focus. And I love it and need it. I am so lucky in that DH has a somewhat seasonal career and has able to be home a lot. I honestly am not sure how I would be able to do both well without him. My parents and daughters are also very involved and much support. And, we have moved to a small community full of wonderful people- a great MOPS group and many supportive moms to be with. And, watching my two boys together, whether it be wrestling and beating eachother:) or hugging, I know it was the right choice for me. I wish you luck and peace in your decision making journey.

[surefoott]

Denise,
You and I have talked before; but I am another single parent who had 3 kids to care for and never has had any regrets whatsoever; nor did I then. I'm probably in the minority but I honestly didn't feel like 2 kids were that much harder to care for than 1; and then the 3rd just seemed like nothing at all different (except the poor kid never got to finish a nap since I was always picking her up to take or go get the older kids somewhere.) For me, the biggest adjustment was having the first one; getting babysitters, etc.; less 'me' time and all that. My first 2 were 17 months apart, so that was hectic but in a fun way; then 5 years before Baby #3 arrived. I always wanted lots of kids and now I'm getting them in grandkids. My son is getting ready to welcome Baby #5 in December. All that being said, I think you are a wonderful mom and there is no doubt in my mind that you will be able to handle 2 children with no difficulty. By the way, I also had no family close by at all; and had recently moved 1,000 miles from home when I had my first, so I had to develop new friends, too. One thing to remember, is that they are babies for such a short period of time, so even those 'hectic times' are short-lived; they grow so incredibly fast.
I am so sorry for your loss, by the way; I had been following your progress and was sad to hear of the outcome. I wish you the very best of luck next time.

[sonja]

For me it is easier to have 2 - maybe not in the beginning, but they entertain eachother so well. Right now I am on the computer and they are in my older daughters room just playing away - I imagine if I just had one I would be doing a lot more playing. I think that having two is awesome, but one would be cool too - the relationship that you can have with an only child is pretty special.

Best of luck with your decision.