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End of the Chapter

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End of the Chapter

Postby hellpful_me » Wed Oct 14, 2009 05:10 pm

After 1 stillbirth, 2 miscarriages, and a very complicated pregnancy that gave me my miracle baby, I had essure surgery two weeks ago to permanently end my fertility. I have been thinking about this for years and was 100% sure that I wanted to do this after my last m/c in 06.

Since 1 wk leading up to the surgery, I've been flooded with memories of the loss of my first son, the m/c's, caring for my living preemie with all his complications, and the cruel treatment I received from my stbxh and his family when things were tough. Feelings of sorrow, anger, regret, of being cheated out of what should have been wonderful experiences. I'm not upset about the future. I know I'm truly lucky to have any child at all. But now that I can finally end this chapter in my life, I've gone back into mourning all that I have lost..., my children, my marriage, my dreams, siblings to my son. I'm also extremely relieved to finally have closure on all that has happened. It's all behind me and no longer lurking about my future. I don't really know how to explain it, but there's a feeling of healing in all this, but it's still a hard task.

I'm not looking for advice. I guess I just needed to talk about this somewhere that people can truly get it and KNOW. Thanks for listening.

Jen
Matthew~2/98~stillborn at 30wks due to placental abruption from Severe PE and Hellp
m/c~10/99
Ben~1/01~34 wk preemie~maternal elevated liver enzymes, velamentous insertion of umbilical cord, heart murmur, jaundice, immature digestive system, bronchomalacia, asthma, autistic spectrum disorder, plus a few other preemie issues. (all outgrown except the ASD and asthma).
m/c~8/06
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Re : End of the Chapter

Postby kara » Wed Oct 14, 2009 05:16 pm

Big hugs, Jen. We are here for venting and listening...anytime.
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Re : End of the Chapter

Postby jgrumet » Sun Oct 18, 2009 02:02 am

I have no idea what you have gone through losing more than one child, but I can completely understand how sterilization is therapeutic.

Out of fear initially I wanted to get my tubes tied, but I decided against it.

Now that my husband and I are sure we only want to adopt children for this point on (this would have been our plan with or without me having HELLP)he is planning a vasectomy in May. I am so relieved this chapter of our lives will soon be over. I don't know why it is comforting, but it is.

Congratulations on your Essure. In my tubal class that looked like a much fast recovery option.

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Re : End of the Chapter

Postby hannahsmom » Sun Oct 18, 2009 09:39 am

You've been through such heartache...I am so sorry. I am happy, though, that you are able to move on and have ended this chapter.
It's now time to open another. I tried to have my tubes tied after my daughter but my OB refused. I will be getting them tied during this c-section, and I am so happy and relieved about it. I, too, am ending this chapter in my life. Take Care :)
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Re : End of the Chapter

Postby kdreher » Wed Oct 21, 2009 11:40 am

wow Jen you sound like me. I lost my first son, Tyler, when he was 2 weeks old. Born at 26 wks due to eclampsia and HELLP. Over the course of the next 15 yrs I had 2 miscarriages and then MY miracle was born last year. This pregnancy was very complicated as well, bedrest and then emergency c/s at 32 wks, he was in the NICU for 6 wks. I also opted to have Essure done a few months ago. I'm fixed for good. I also turned 40 last month. I'm so happy I did it.

I do relate that there is closure but I know Michael helped me deal with that as he IS the child I always wanted and lucky for me, I got. It's bittersweet now knowing how much joy he brings to me and that I can't offer him a sibling. I really can't see adopting at my age - it's alot of work with just him and me working f/t etc. I am very grateful for what he brings to my life.
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Re : End of the Chapter

Postby atvlady » Thu Oct 22, 2009 05:27 pm

I know your pain. I had 2 m/c at 8 weeks then 6 weeks. I then had Darren our daughter at 20 weeks gestational. She lived an hour and 20 minutes and died to severe prematurity. We are hoping to try again but if I have another negative pregnancy outcome, I am going to take a second look at the situation.
HUGS to each of you. I know your pain and emptiness.
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