by christina89 (346 Posts), Thu Jun 24, 2010 06:31 pm
I started having blood pressure issues at 19 weeks and was put on medication and then hospitalized off and on for 4 weeks, Out of those 4 weeks I was home maybe 3 days. I was rushed to a larger city and told I had PE and HELLP. I had no knowlege of this sickness at all nor did I understand how bad it actually is. I was 23 and a half weeks and I was told that I was going to have to deliver my baby boy as my liver and kidneys were just two days they expected away from failing me. I don't think I have ever been so broken in my life I have always wanted children. Any ways I was in labor for 7 and a half hours and I gave birth to my Son. We named him Zac Phillip Alphones Ducharme. He was only with us for a little while. Its been two weeks and the pain is still unbarable, I feel I failed, I feel empty and alone. We got him cremated and have him right beside our bed. I know time will heal but I'm struggling. I returned to work 4 days ago and I think maybe it was to soon. I am still dealing with the side effects. My blood pressure is starting to get better slowly I am coming off some medication. But Im having so much trouble at work. I have a job I used to live for but know I cant stand it. I am having troubles with people randomly coming up to me and saying " Oh congrats I heard you had a boy " or " Oh Congrats looks like you had your baby, What did you have? " I don't know what to do, I want to live life and be almost normal and go camping and go out but I can't because I get tired and im scared I am going to raise my blood pressure up again to a scary number, or that im going to get epigastric pains again. Can someone please help me a little I don't even really understand what im saying sorry I hope you guys do.