Ahhh to be normal

[megan78]

I know I shouldn't complain and I know that I am SO lucky, my 11 week early preemie is 17 months this week and amazing with no deficits. But, I can't help thinking or wondering what its like to have a normal pregnancy and get to see your baby right away after he/she is born, start breast feeding and go home within a day or two. I have so many people in my life who are doing this now, and I feel jealous....not crazy jealous, just a little twinge of wanting to know how that feels. I'm not sure If I'll get the chance, don't know if I want anymore kids, because I dont want to go through all that again. But, I keep thinking about it...do they know how lucky they are? I shouldn't even say anything becuase I know I am so much luckier than some, but....here's to daydreaming!

[carjashaner]

Megan,

I know it has been a rocky road for you, but "regular pregnancies" can carry a load as well. In a lot of situations, new moms don't have a support system with a family to speak of, so long hours, sleep deprivation, PP depression and exhaustion can kick in. Us women who have never experienced the birth of a preemie see you guys as "supermoms" and can't figure out for the life of us how you do it. I admire your strength. I know you are curious as to what it feels like to have a "normal" birth experience, and I am curious as to where you have gotten your super human strength from over the past 17 months!!!

[jenn]

Megan,
Congrats on 17 months and thriving!! I'm so happy to hear your son is doing so well despite his early arrival.
As for your "daydreaming"..I know exactly what your talking about, been there, done that, got the t-shirt ;o)
It's very natural to mourn the loss of your ideals when things have turned out very different.
When I became pregnant with my first, Jaidyn, I watched the those baby story shows religiously and used them to prep for what I thought my homecoming would be like. Well let's just say that since Jaidyn has been born I can't stomach to watch those anymore. I felt so robbed of what I had prepared for my perfect end to be like.
I was fortunate to later carry my pregnancy with Natalia to term. And again, my ideals didn't fit in. I lived at a MFM miles and miles from home 2x a week being poked and prodded. Constantly worried the ball would drop knowing what could obviously go wrong, that I was miserable all 38 weeks that ended in a repeat c-section. So again, robbed of dancing through fields of daisies with a flowing gown and a perfect round belly skipping on way to natural child birth class.
Than when she was born, the hospital staff knew I had been a mom to a former preemie and would treat me like I didn't need the help or guidance. I was use to having this team of people doing everything and expert knowledge. I kinda' panicked when they handed over this 6 lb. giant to me and walked out of the room! I had so much anxiety masked by a ton of pride that I got to experience a term baby sans monitors, tubes and lack of privacy.
I do consider myself VERY/EXTREMELY fortunate to have had both experiences, but none like I thought it would be.
My choice to stop at the number of children I have is not one I made from my heart, but one of reason do to Preclampsia. That in itself is not fair to anyone. So I understand your hesitation in considering another pregnancy, but I wouldn't let it stop you without talking to a MFM about your risk factors and course of care before you shut that door.

And before I ramble any further.. I'm going to cut myself off here.
- Jenn ;o)

[hols537]

Congrats to you on your healthy 17 month old! I was putting my thoughts together. Then I rad Jenn's response and decided I didn't have anything to say that she didn't already say. I had both experiences too and neither lived up to the ideal. But, I have 2 healthy children. I smile and celebrate with all my friends having healthy pregnancies even though I feel some jealousy (I know 2 babies born last week and 5 others to be born soon, so I know how you feel in that respect).

[megan78]

Jenn,
Thanks very much for your perspective. I want so badly to have another baby (someday, not yet- I know so many who are having their second, and their first is the same age as my Rowan (17 months....those people are SUPER HUMAN!) It has been an exhausting ride, but so amazingly worth it. I think anyone who has a child (hols) is amazing, it is alot of work. I just think that once PE hits you, it can never be normal again, always thinking about what could happen. I know if I did get pg again, I would think the whole time and be scared of an early arrival. If it could be the same as last time (56 days in hospital) and then eveything fine, I might consider it. But knowing what I know, that there IS a chance of having PE again, I'm not so sure. I've had counselling for Pre conception and currently have an IUD, becuase of Lupus, I have to make sure the timing is right, but all they said is that it COULD happen again, if it does, it would most likely be later in the pregnancy, which is at least good, seeing as 29 weeks isn't SO bad. They told me that I would need to be off work from 18 weeks on, bedrest (YUCK, two weeks of that was enough! and to do it again with my son around....yikes!) and they would put me on baby aspirin and watch me closely. Regardless, I feel I've been robbed of the "skipping through daisies" feeling of pregnancy, I KNOW I would be a mess if I tried again. A friend of mine delivered a still born daughter last year and that haunts my nightmares more than any preemie story ever could. I guess anyone takes a risk when they go through being pregnant, just most people are lucky enough not to feel the effects of the risk in their decision. I WILL overcome next time and have a baby, I believe its meant to be. Thanks to you all for listening. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone! I DO feel sometimes that once PE has hit you, the horror remains forever. And it seems most stories are that people get it again in the second pregnancy. Thanks