Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.
dolphinjen
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby dolphinjen » Sun May 31, 2009 01:40 am

This is my first post on this board. Yes I feel guilty. I was talking to one of the NICU nurses today and she said that is common. I think we so want to protect our kids and we feel like we let them down. I see my little baby going through the discomfort she is down in the NICU and I think, if she was still inside me, she wouldn't have to deal with this. If only I wouldv'e relaxed more during the pregnancy, not tried to do as much, she might still be inside me, comfortable. Sabrina, just wanted to let you know that I don't think that what you're feeling is unsusual. I'm not even going to try and say not to feel guilty, we know intelellectually it's not really our "fault" I think it's just something that will be there. For what it's worth, my dd was full term and has asthmas problems, not near as bad as your girls', but as people have said, your girls probably would have gotten the same issues regardless of time of birth...

clayjmw
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby clayjmw » Sat May 23, 2009 06:16 pm

For a long time and sometimes still do feel guilty. To me when I was in that frame of mind when my daughter was born still, was it was all my fault...I was susposed to keep her safe and I didn't so yes I do still feel guilty

missgamecock
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby missgamecock » Tue May 19, 2009 11:07 pm

I think honestly them being early has something to do with it. Amanda, I will definitely ask the asthma and allergy clinic when she goes in July to test that for her. She still sounds terrible. After what the dr told me about that other baby, I was only too happy that I did hold her the entire weekend. It certainly freaked me out when she turned blue. Our dr was great about it. Told me to call ANYTIME. Insurance is being a PIA with the pulmicort. She is supposed to do it twice a day, but they will only cover once a day. So the doctor is doing a medical justification. She probably just needs the right med combo and will be fine. It took 4 years to get the right med combo for Kirsten. Kirsten has outgrown a lot of hers. We still have to watch her. She isn't medicated like she was when she was little. Kirsten also had endocrine problems (wasn't growing and was failure to thrive. She weighed 15lbs 3 ozs at one year!) She also had an immature circulatory system that caused her to turn blue. These were related to her being early.).

amanda
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby amanda » Tue May 19, 2009 12:26 am

Sabrina -
((hugs)) I'm glad you held her all night too - it sounds like you did absolutely the right thing. One thing - have they tested Cate's IGA level? I'm asking because IGA production goes until age 2 and some children with lower 'base' levels have many of the exact same symptoms that you are indicating Cate has. (Please note though that just because they might have a 'lower' level of the base it does not, and in fact usually does not, mean that they will have the entire disorder.) My middle daughter does have IGA disorder and has some pretty gunky lungs but they are way, way better than they were when she was little. When we went to the pulmonogist he said that they watch it for at least the first two years because IGA production DOES increase as babies get older. It's a blood test - or at least that's what I remember.

Anyway, something to think about.
Amanda


annes
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby annes » Tue May 19, 2009 09:04 am

So sorry to hear that Cate has been having all of these issues :(. Sounds like you are being a great advocate for her, make sure you take care of yourself, too. Hope she is feeling better.

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caryn
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby caryn » Tue May 19, 2009 08:39 am

I wouldn't say it was necessarily prematurity that was causal either; Oscar was a few weeks earlier than Cate, and my little brother who was 10 pnds 9 oz at term is the pre-asthmatic with the bad allergies.

What a rough weekend.

missgamecock
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby missgamecock » Tue May 19, 2009 07:34 am

She had to be bagged but was otherwise fine. She was bagged because the cord was around her neck twice.

hols537
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby hols537 » Tue May 19, 2009 06:34 am

Wow, that sounds like a rough weekend. I hope things start improving. Try not to let the guilt get to you. Do the experts say these problems are a result of prematurity? I'm with Robyn, odds are your kiddos would have been in the same boat even if they had another week and were term - if I recall, Cate didn't have any breathing trouble at birth, right? Keep up the good work, nurse mommy!

fiona
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby fiona » Tue May 19, 2009 01:26 am

I'm always amazed it's my 36-weeker who has all the breathing issues and Jay (after the initial few months) got off scot free.

Sounds like the weekend from * - hope you all feel better soon.

ladybug76135
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Re : Do you ever feel guilty? (child loss ment too)

Postby ladybug76135 » Mon May 18, 2009 11:14 pm

Ahhh, the guilt trips we give ourselves over delivering early. I'm very acquainted with those myself. I'm sorry you're faced with this- asthma is way scary. I have 2 kids with bad asthma- the first 28 weeks and the 2nd 37 weeks. I have horrible allergies and asthma and my husband just has allergies so I blame it on 2 adults with crappy genes combining to make 2 kids with even worse genes! Plus, throw in all the environmental factors (pollution!) that have increased over the past few years and they are walking time bombs.

Don't guilt yourself over them being early... it'ts not your fault and you certainly did a fantastic job baking them as long as your body could hold- many of us would have folded and cried "uncle" long before you did. It honestly sounds like you'd have 3 kids with bad asthma (or 2 bad and 1 moderate) even if they had all gone to past-term!

Hang on... I hear that some of them do eventually outgrow it (I'm still waiting at 38 though).


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