feeling so robbed

[5miraclez]

I felt this way after my second baby. By the time I had my third it felt like it was old hat and it didn't bother me as much. Now with my 4th I'm beginning to feel it again. I think it's because I honestly felt I was going to make it further than I did and because my other kids didn't have to come home on oxygen. I have a baby at home and yet I can't leave the house for anything. I have to stay in the same room all day so I can hear the monitors and I never sleep because I'm always changing, feeding, pumping, being awakened by beeping. With each day I can feel myself getting more and more depressed. Where's the joy of the baby coming home? I can't even have anyone come visit me or to see the baby for fear she'll get sick, which she already did after coming home. Everyone just assumes that I'm fine and happy because the baby is home and I've done this all before. I, however, feel like I'm loosing it.

Rebecca

DD 4/1/00 35wks severe preeclampsia
DS 7/9/01 29wks severe preeclampsia/HELLP, placental abruption
DD 12/8/02 31wks severe preeclampsia/HELLP, polyhydramnios
DD 6/7/04 32wks severe preeclampsia

[deerhart]

*hugs*

Rebecca you are totally not alone. Even full term parents have to deal with these issues when the baby first comes home and have 3 other kids on top of it (and most likely less people willing to helps in subsequent pregnancies) it makes it even harder.

My oldest son was considered full term at 37 weeks and we still had doctor ordered 4 months of isolation because of fear of RSV. I also felt like I was up constantly feeding and pumping with Alex.

One of the hardest things about having my second child is all the help I had the first time around completely disappeared, and it was the time I needed it. Dealing with a new baby and a 2 1/2 year old was far more then I was ready or felt I was able to handle.

But somehow we made it through and while it seems bleak right now, you too will somehow find a way through!

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

[sarab]

Rebecca,

I just wanted you to know that I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this right now.

I just e-mailed you (the yahoo account), please let me know if you get it.

Sending big HUGS for you and little Anastacia,

Sara, 24
Local Coordinator, Utah
Moderator, "After Your Baby is Born"

DH, Scott, 26
Maggie Lylas, 6/9/03, 29 weeks, severe pre-e
Surprise, surprise! #2 EDD late Feb/early March 2005

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/maggielylas/

[marybees]

REBECCA,
HANG IN THERE.I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR FEELING AND WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING MYSELF.I TOOK MY FORMER 30 WEEKER HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL WITH MANY ACCESSORIES.AB MONITOR,NG TUBE,FEEDING PUMP 02 FOR FEEDS.I WAS PUMPING EVERY 3 HOURS THEN TRYING TO FEED HIM THEN TUBE FEED.IT WOULD REALLY GET INSANE AT TIMES.I REMEMBER THINKING IAM SO GLAD TO HAVE MY BABY HOME AT THE SAME TIME MY HOME IS NOW LIKE A LEVEL 2 NURSERY WITH FEWER STAFF AND LITTLE RELIEF.
ALOT OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THOUGHT THAT ONCE THE BABY WAS HOME EVERYTHING WAS SUDDENLY FINE.IT WASN'T.I THINK FOR ME IT WASN'T TILL I GOT THE BABY HOME THAT THE WHOLE PE AND CRASH DELIVERY ETC FINALLY HIT HOME.TAKING CARE OF THE BABY WAS EXHAUSTING.
HUNTER IS NOW 6 1/2 MONTHS.HE DOESNT
HAVE THE 02 OR THE NG ANYMORE AND WE ARE LOSING THE AB MONITOR SOON.FEEDING IS STILL A CHALLENGE BUT GETTING BETTER.WE STILL FEED Q 3 DUE TO REFLUX AND DELAYED EMPTYING BUT I KNOW IT WON'T BE FOREVER SO I PERSEVERE.STILL PUMPING!!!
I HOPE THING BECOME A LITTLE EASIER FOR YOU SOON.CONFIDE IN FRIENDS TRY AND RECRUIT SOME HELP.YOU NEED TO HAVE A BREAK ONCE IN A WHILE OR YOU WILL GO CRAZY.I KNOW ITS HARD WHEN YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE BABY WITH JUST ANYONE AND YOU HAVE TO BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT WHO YOU LET IN DUE TO GERMS.HUNTER AND I WERE HOUSE HERMITS FOR ALMOST 5 MONTHS DUE TO RSV AND FLU SEASON.
SOMETIMES FRIENDS AND FAMILY TRULY DONT GET IT.IT MIGHT HELP TO JUST VERBALIZE WHAT YOUR FEELING TO SOMEONE CLOSE AND RECRUIT SOME HELP.I DID.YOU MAY NEED TO TRAIN THEM A LITTLE BUT EVEN IF SOMEONE CAN GIVE YOU JUST AN HOUR A DAY TO YOURSELF IT CAN BE VERY HEALING.
I KNOW I LAMENT SOMETIMES WHEN WE EVERYTHING JUST BE NORMAL AND WHEN WILL I JUST START WORRYING ABOUT EVERYDAY NORMAL BABY PROBLEMS LIKE A DIAPER RASH?SLOWLY BUT SURELY WE ARE GETTING THERE.I STILL KIND OF LIVE WITH A WHAT NEXT? ATTITUDE I THINK MOST PREEMIE MOMS D0.BUT IT IS GETTING BETTER!!!
MARY