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how to deal with guilt

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.

Re : how to deal with guilt

Postby aimeejane » Fri Aug 13, 2004 11:21 am

by aimeejane (589 Posts), Fri Aug 13, 2004 11:21 am

Hi Michelle,

Congratulations on Morgan's birth! She's just about the same size as my first. [:D]

It must be so difficult to be so far away. Do you have a relationship with any of the other military wives in your community? I'm wondering, because I remember my mom getting lots of support from other wives when I was growing up. There's the Officer's Wives Club (OWC), can't remember the name of the enlisted version. (Oops! Sorry...could it be as simple as EWC? LOL) Maybe they could take turns driving you up once a week (or more!). I know I'd do it for a friend of mine. Heck, if I lived in OKC, I'd be making up a bed for you right now.

Either way, though, little Morgan will know who you are, and she will appreciate you every second you're there with her. The times in between won't be lonely for her, as the NICU staff are so loving and supportive, and she'll feel right at home. Please keep us updated! I can't wait to hear how she's growing and progressing!

Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)
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Re : how to deal with guilt

Postby maxs mom » Fri Aug 13, 2004 09:30 pm

by maxs mom (594 Posts), Fri Aug 13, 2004 09:30 pm

The worst day of my life was when I had to leave little Max at the hospital on the day I was discharged. I had an emotional breakdown, and I only live 15 mins away from the hospital. It is the hardest thing a mommy has to do, especially after such a horrible birth experience. Alot of the other woman covered most everything I was thinking about, but I wanted to add a few things.

I spent a lot of time in the NICU, I saw that other parents couldn't be there as much as me, some coming once a day, some coming a couple times a week, some coming once a week. Families came from all over. The best you can do is talk to the nurses often, let them know how concerned you are that you can't be there, they will pay extra attention to your little one. Also, ask about getting a primary nurse, she/he can be someone that always checks on your daughter when they are on, and sometimes they can be assigned to her. Our hospital allowed each baby to have one primary and two seconday nurses, and we used all three, it was great. They were really protective of Max.

i want to tell you it is a great thing Morgan is on oxygen only, Max had weak lungs and was intubated for 10 weeks, it was awful. And to be starting on BM, right on!

Spending so much time at the NICU was partially a little crazy, I got really worn down. I would say the number one time you need to make a special effort to be there is on Morgan's bad days. She will definitely know her mommy is there (they say they can smell you from 50 feet away). Max definitely knew his mommy and daddy. And we were always there on his bad days, and I 100% believe that this got him through his rough times. On his bad days we would sit quietly by his bedside, with one hand cupped on his head and one cupped under his feet, and think only positive thoughts. I know this positive energy helped him 100%.

I wish you the best of luck. Remember to be strong for your little one, she needs you. And feel free to email me if you ever want to chat or have questions.

Kara (34)
DH, John (36)
Max, 1/20/03, 25 wks, 1lb. 3ozs. (IUGR), severe PE

#2 is on the way, EDD 4/18/05 (seems so far away!)
maxs mom
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Re : how to deal with guilt

Postby sandy » Sat Aug 14, 2004 10:44 am

by sandy (1138 Posts), Sat Aug 14, 2004 10:44 am

Yes...I remember putting our hand on our DD's little head; the doctors said that she couldn't handle any more stimulation than that...oh that brought back memories.

~Sandy/DD born via emergency C at 35 wks/1 day June '03 due to Severe PE/class III HELLP

CAUGHT THE EGG!! Estimated hatch date: 3/13/05; scheduled C at 39 weeks...or earlier if needed.
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