For parents of older preemies...

[aimeejane]

Do you ever feel like you're taking them for granted? Nicky and I are at such odds so often. He's so exasperating much of the time, and I don't help matters by getting frustrated with it very quickly. (I'm working on that, and doing much better, but it's hard...)

And, of course, when I have time to sit down and think about it, or when I see pictures of him as a baby, or catch a glimpse of his preemie doll, or hear about another baby coming home from the NICU, I feel so guilty. I know, I really do, that I shouldn't feel it, but it's there nonetheless. No child is perfect or an angel, so why do I feel like I'm taking him for granted...like since he's my miracle baby we should be 100% happy all the time? Talk about an unrealistic expectation, huh???

And then I look at Kalen, and I dread the day he's old enough to tick me off like that! Just knowing that it's going to happen is heartbreaking.

Sorry to vent it all out. Sometimes it just has to come out to people who might understand. Thanks!

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)

[wcarder]

Aimee -
When I finally got to hold my noodle for the first time, I had two thoughts-this close together and in this order:

Oh my god, I love her so much I could break open...

and then ~

I can't believe she's going to hate me someday.

Although we've had a pretty easy road so far, she is getting more difficult as she gets older. It's so hard to watch them grow up and be independent and stubborn and manipulative and...mean. But just because you get fed up doesn't mean you are taking him for granted. Every parent gets to a point where they have had enough. Maybe he realizes, as he gets older, that he's your special boy, your "miracle", and for that he can get away with more. I'm sure he's just pushing you. My Kenzie has me completely figured out. She knows how far she can go, and she takes it there, because I have let her get away with a lot, because of the circumstances she was born under. I can be SCREAMING at her, and she looks at me and says "I love you mom., I need a hug..." It's hard to discipline a kid who is that clever, and who really was such a miracle, without feeling guilt.

Anyway, I'm sure you are harder on yourself than he is. That's our job, as mommies. We have guilt. Can't help it. I spanked Kenzie's butt once - and not because I lost control, but because I told her I would. I said "I'm counting to three, and then I'm spanking your butt..." I got to three and thought...crap. now what? so, i felt obligated. I had to or she would never take me seriously. Long story short, I cried all the way to day care that morning, told her teachers what I did, cried all the way to work, told my whole office what I did - It was AWFUL.

I really think our preemie's have got us figured out. They can bring on the guilt like it's their job. Don't be too hard on yourself. you couldn't possibly take him for granted - you are here every day, knowing how lucky you are to have him, and helping other people in similar situations. Chin up young person. (:

Wendy
DD~ Kenzie Celeste, 30 weeks GA, severe PE.

[samarasmom]

My 2 boys are a joy when they were little and now...well lets just say they are no picnic. No matter how little a child is they will grow and learn how to push your buttons. My 5 yrs old is easy but he is high maintenece and has to have attention. My 2 yr old is (WOW) very hard, alot of independence and has NO patience. ITs funny since my 2 boys on their birth sign is a Ram and a BUll. Lovely huh.
Now I dread samara growing up and acting like them. Anyways the point is DO NOT feel guilty for having frustrations and expectations of your child. It is normal.
I hope all goes well and maybe things will get easier. Isee Nicky is only 1 yr older than mine and you are in the tough stage. It will get better later I promise.

Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04

[aimeejane]

Thanks, guys. It helps so much. HUGS

Samara, I kwym about the zodiac signs. I do put some stock in them, and when I realized that Nicky was an Aries, my thought was, "Oh #$%@, what is this Pices going to do to with a RAM in her house???" Hopefully, Kalen (a cancer) will be a little easier, but we shall see, huh? ;)

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)

[raindrop]

Aimee, I wont guarentee that the cancer will be any easier, not to discourage. Whitney and Wyatt and one of my step DD are all cancers. ALL are VERY stubborn, so far Whitney is very good at pushing the buttons. I can say no, she goes ahead anyways. I have tried every punishing tactic I can think of that is legal....lol. She has has a spanking, a timeout, put in corner, sent to bed, lost all priviledges for x amount of time. nothing gets thru to her. Sounds alot like Nicky from what you were saying. I too hate to *lose it* with her and now being preg again, it is even more trying. I have just about hit the end of my rope and ready to take her to a counselor or someone to find out why she is getting so bad and refuses to listen.

As you all were saying about the signs, I am a scorpio, usually patient, except lately.


Donna - 32
Richard - 33
Whitney Lynn Rochelle- 6-27-99 - (36 wks due to severe PE) 5lbs 2oz 18in long
Wyatt Elijah Lawrence- 7-3-03 (34wks 6days due to severe PIH/PE) 4lbs 6.8oz 17in long
Expecting #3 EDD March 3, 2005 - gallstones

http://www.geocities.com/raindropzplace/Wyatt.html?1057812569412

http://www.imagestation.com/member/?name=raindrop1971

[deerhart]

LOL Aimee
My mom is a pieces (born on the last day of the sign March 20) and I am an ariea (born on the first day of the sign March 21). The nice thing is that pieces are known to be a bit calmer and help to calm and soothe the attitude of an ariea :)

My Alex is a Taurus and both my husband, Mason, and my Dad are libras (LOL)!

I understand perfectly taking the kids for granted. Some days it feels like we have been put through so much that we have earned an easy, quiet, perfect little angel, but alas its not to be. on the other hand, I also beleive that a perfect quiet child would be rather boring and would any day take all the troubles and heartaches my children have given me already to ensure they continue to have the personalities, spark, curosity, and drive they do have!

I have had to consiously learn to enjoy my children because they weren't what I expected them to be. But I can honestly say that after 4 years, there are 2 things I most enjoy from them... seeing thier faces light up and get huge smiles when they see me screaming Mommy and watching them both sleep so peacefully and quiet without a care in the world!

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

[samarasmom]

Elijah is my Taurus ( Bull) and Isaiah is my Aries ( Ram) I think Samara is a Crab, ( not sure her sign( 7/21). But I am sure I have another difficult child. I am glad she is not a Leo ( Lion). 3 beasts in this house would not be nice. I am not fond of Libras ( their dad is one) and our zodiac says we are a difficult couple and it will be a miracle if we can make it. Going on 8 years in Dec. So take that you Zodiac HA LOL

Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04

[laura]

Sandra- I have a Bull and Ram, too!
I'm an Aquarius, so I sit and wonder where all that noise came from.

Aimee- I feel ya, girl. I can't express how much I'm feeling ya right now. I know my girls are precious gifts from God I should bow down every day in thanks for, but my kids are trying and I wouldn't be fair to myself if I couldn't admit that out loud every once in a while... I am a woman on the verge as it is. You are not alone.

Laura
Administrator/AK Area Coordinator

Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 ~ Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

[maxs mom]

I laugh at these posts, thinking to myself I am in for it. So far Max has been an absolute angel. He loves to play by himself, loves people, is really easy going. And then these little episodes just started. He throws mini tantrums. They only last 10 seconds, but when I take the phone away from him (have to, he's already called 911) or any other gadget he shouldn't be playing with (cell phone, palm pilot, etc) he throws himself down and starts to cry. Like literally throws himself on his back, bumps his head and all, and starts to move around on the floor and start to cry. And I stare at him thinking, "Oh boy, if I am getting this at 19 months, I am in for it by the time he is two" As I have said, they only last for 10 seconds. I usually just pick him up or distract him to something else, and he is fine. I see that little mind ticking and I know before I know it, it is going to turn into a full blown temper tantrum. What else could I expect from such an independent child? The good news is, I am prepared. and although I know it's going to be a battle for independence until he walks out that door to college, I will always love him as my little "Mighty Max". As I am sure you all love your children too!

Kara (34)
DH, John (36)
Max, 1/20/03, 25 wks, 1lb. 3ozs. (IUGR), severe PE
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/mightymax/

#2 is on the way, EDD at 36.5 weeks is 3/24/04

[samarasmom]

Kara
Isaiah has done the same things except he falls face first and bangs his head on things. He even started throwing things at you. The other day his brother took something from him and he went calmly over to the other side of the room and picked up his sisters bouncy seat and if I wasnt there you can imagine what he would have done. He is too and he can pick up his 5 yr old brother. He has some strength to me let me tell you.
For the tantrums as they get worse what we do and it works is ignore them. I walk away and he stops. For awhile when I would walk away into another room he would follow me and throw himself again. Evevtually he learned it doesnt get acknowledged in my house.
Hope yours isnt soo hot tempered as mine

Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04