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Need advice on Parenting Book

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Need advice on Parenting Book

Postby maxs mom » Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:08 pm

I was just wondering what parenting books you have all read and what you felt has worked the best. My friend recommended "The Strong Willed Child" but then she explained the author advocated spanking with a paddle or dowel and I told her I would not spank. She said, "Well I will, I think that is why we have had a problem with our children in the last 10 years or so, because nobody spanks" Well, it got me thinking. What parenting style do I want to have? I haven't had any problems with Max, he is very easy going. Our biggest challenge is feeding him, but I have relaxed a lot and it seems to be helping. I don't think my friend is wrong to want to spank, it is her choice. But I would like to start with a friendly approach first, and if that doesn't work, I'll try something else. My friend is an A++++ personality, so I can see that her child's behaviour is addressed more rigidly than Max's. I am actually surprised with how easy going I have been on Max. I used to be an A personality, but I guess it doesn't apply to my child. So any recomendations from you would be great! Oh, and if you found any especially helpful with establishing consistent rules, I would like to hear about those.

Kara (34)
DH, John (36)
Max, 1/20/03, 25 wks, 1lb. 3ozs. (IUGR), severe PE
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/mightymax/

#2 is on the way, EDD at 36.5 weeks is 3/24/04
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Re : Need advice on Parenting Book

Postby arj » Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:21 pm

Kara,
I have 3 books that I've really enjoyed reading over the past year. The first is by Tracy Hogg. She wrote "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and now I'm reading the follow on, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers." She's very sensible, believes in discipline but no spanking. I had a lot of luck with her baby book, so that's why I decided to read the next one, and I'm really enjoying it.

Also, I enjoyed "The Good Son" by Michael Gurian, which addresses raising a boy specifically, at each stage of his life.

Lastly, I enjoyed "The Epidemic" by Robert Shaw. It's a fascinating book that talks a lot about parents who practice "absentee and permissive parenting," which is why so many children today are surly and selfish. It really was a riveting book.

All of these I purchased "used" on Amazon. I believe that you can check out excerpts and reviews on them as well.

Allison (29)
DS-Evan, 7/19/2003. Mild PE at 40 weeks
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Re : Need advice on Parenting Book

Postby deerhart » Mon Oct 04, 2004 07:47 am

We actaully see a behavioral psychologist for Alex. One of the first things he told us was to look at ourselves and our personalities and after we did that, he asked us why we thought our child would be much different.

A person with an A++++ perosnality (and ohh I am one) is at least in my opinion going to have a much harder time dealing with a child who has a similiar personality because the parent is trying to run the show and so is the child.
Quite frankly, I doubt that the problem with children has anything to do with whether or not a child is spanked and a heck of a lot more to do with the time crunches on parents, the push to have kids involved in everything, and other pushes by society. Society tends to see children who are not in their eyes "perfectly normal" and fit into a nice square box as a problem, when simply they are part of the natural division we see in adults of different personalities, ideas, etc... But in adults its okay to have different ideas, personalities, etc.. but children are expected to be more of little cookie cutter robots who all act and do things the same way.

Somedays I wish my children were perfectly normal and then I realize that if they were they would be utterly boring and would not be my children.

I am extremely wary of any books about strong willed children because many times if you read about hte author they have never really raised a strong willed child. Coming from someone who was a strong willed child, spanking with a board or dowl only serves one purpose and that is in breaking the will of the child. I think its better (and WAY easier) to bend the child's will to your way of thinking then break and dominate over the child.

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go
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Re : Need advice on Parenting Book

Postby aimeejane » Mon Oct 04, 2004 12:28 am

A book that's been recommended to me had something to do with the "High Needs" child. I can't remember if it was for infants, toddlers, or what, but I've heard good things about it.

I've also heard a lot of good stuff about the "Strong Willed Child," too. No one ever mentioned the spanking aspect!!

I agree that the permissiveness and lack of attention has so much to do with what's going on in children's attitudes recently. One doesn't have to be completely permissive to be a fun, caring parent. My parents were very liberal in a lot of areas of raising us, but there were certain things that were expected of us, and we knew darn well that if Mom said X would happen if we did Y, X was GOING to happen. I was never spanked once, but I knew that the world would come to an end if I disappointed her. LOL

I do have a strong-willed child, and I am more and more convinced that each child needs to be handled in a different manner. For us, it's trial and error, and we're getting there, however slowly...

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)
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Re : Need advice on Parenting Book

Postby pugmommy7 » Sun Oct 10, 2004 08:42 pm

We practice Attatchment Parenting. (However we do not co-sleep with Bella.)
Everyone just rests better with her in her room and her own bed;)
We do not spank, we use gentle dicipline and try to focus on positive reinforcement.
I am currently reading EASY TO LOVE, DIFFICULT TO DICIPLINE;The seven basic skills for turning conflict into cooperation.,By Becky Bailey,Ph.D.

I love it. It is teaching me how to "re-word" things. I do not want to use guilt trips or manipulation with my kids. Sometimes in the heat of the moment I could easily repeat the words of my parents, out of conditioning.
I am very serious about not continuing that cycle.

The terrible 2's are fast approaching;)
HTH,
Love,
Jennifer


Jennifer, 30
DH, Chris, 33
Mama & Daddy to:
Isabella Sofia,1/02/03 born @ 33.5 weeks at 3 lbs,6oz., 16". GD,
Pre-E,& borderline HELLP.

Catalina Amelia,5/29/04 born @ 36.2 weeks,4 lbs.,12oz.,16"
GD,PIH,& Pre-e
We're still nursing at 4 mos whoo hoo!
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