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It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.

It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby staceyinohio » Wed Oct 20, 2004 08:49 am

by staceyinohio (15 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 08:49 am

home from the hospital...I think it is almost worse because she is doing so good...So I am getting more anxious...She is now in an open isolete and keeping her body temp...Her only obstacle left is eating without tiring out...She can take a bottle great and has done great at the breast, but she gets so sleepy for the next feed. She can only handle every other feed bottle or breast. So they are rotating the tube with bottle/breast.She is now up to 3lbs12oz.
I really thought it would get easier as time went on, but it is getting harder and harder to leave her there.
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby mom2tori » Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:05 am

by mom2tori (3842 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:05 am

Stacey, I love the pictures, she is so sweet!! I know it really stinks leaving the hospital without a baby. You don't quite feel like a complete parent when your baby is laying in the hospital and you are sitting at home without her. My daughter was in the hospital for about 5 and a half weeks and the closer it came to her coming home the worse it got. You can see the progress and wish you could speed up the time a little just to have her home in her own bed and rock her in your own rocking chair. Look how good she is doing there and the nurses and doctors are the best subsitute for you you could possibly hope for. You will finally get her home after all the waiting and all the excitement and go, now what?! It will be so surreal and dream like it will take a while to realize she is finally there with you. Just think, once she gets home you don't have to put her down or leave the room without her. It seems like forever but it will come sooner than you think and then you will be able to keep her as close to you as you want. Waiting is hard, but so is being a parent, right? It is all worth it, all of the waiting will be forgotten shortly after you walk through your door carrying your daughter. Stay strong and be patient just a little longer, you are almost there!!! I will pray she will be able to come home soon. God bless!

Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby sandy » Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:57 am

by sandy (1138 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:57 am

She's beautiful. Sending you lots of wishes for strength and patience right now. I remember saying those exact words ("...killing me not being able to bring my baby home...") not so long ago. And since you probably aren't getting a definite date of discharge, that makes it even harder because it might feel like this could go on forever (yet it doesn't, but knowing that probably doesn't help you right now).

Hang in there. One day at a time. Celebrate the little milestones. Wish there was something I could say to help, but I'm pretty sure there isn't. Keep us posted on her progress!

~Sandy/DD born via emergency C at 35 wks/1 day June '03 due to Severe PE/class III HELLP

Another Girl! EDD: 3/13/05; scheduled C at 39 weeks...or earlier if needed.
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby maxs mom » Wed Oct 20, 2004 03:10 pm

by maxs mom (594 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 03:10 pm

Max was in the NICU for 16 weeks, and the hardest time was when he was sick. The second hardest time was the last couple of weeks. I remember I went crazy when I thought they were going to keep him longer. He started vommitinga few days days before they released him, and they wanted him to stay so they could figure out what was wrong. But I was very persistent, and they finally decided to let him go, at 7PM at night. I am so thankful they did, because it took me months to figure out the vommiting problem, he was allergic to milk, which I was eating and the transfer to the Breastmilk, no matter how little I ate, made him throw up. But in hindsight, Max is almost 21 months, and those 16 weeks are just a distant memory. So hang in there. And rememeber they have criteria for when the babies can go home so parents don't come back a few days later saying help, my baby won't eat, is always cold, etc. etc. I know it is tortureous, but soon it will be a distant memeory for you too.

Kara (34)
DH, John (36)
Max, 1/20/03, 25 wks, 1lb. 3ozs. (IUGR), severe PE

#2 is on the way, EDD at 36.5 weeks is 3/24/04
maxs mom
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby season » Wed Oct 20, 2004 03:58 pm

by season (1417 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 03:58 pm

I remember that feeling. We started joking about a "jailbreak", where we'd tuck ds in our coat and run. :) Obviously we didn't do that, but it was tempting. It's still came as a shock the day eh was ready to come home. Hang in there, soon you will have him home.

dh Kwame
ds Ezekiel 1/2/02 (34wks due to pre-e)
dd Naomi 6/25/04 (38 1/2 wks PIH)
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby allic » Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:14 pm

by allic (232 Posts), Wed Oct 20, 2004 09:14 pm

Hi Stacey! She is precious! My daughter was in the NICU for six weeks and had several problems. Actually at the start of her last week she was only 3lbs 6oz, eating through a tube (except once a day), went back into the incubator after being out for a few days (very frustrating) and had some blood count issues. THen all of a sudden things just fell into place all at the same time. She was "scheduled to leave" on a Tuesday. That Saturday night she hit exactly 4lbs and nursed for 10 minutes at each feed (had been tubed every other)! To my suprise, they called Sunday morning and said "come get your baby!" I do not know your situation, obviously, and eventhough it didnt' make sense to me, seeing how we were trying to get her to gain weight, my doctors held my baby off from three hours to four between feeds and that extra hour made her hungry enough to wake up and eat. See if your doctors think that might help your baby.

I think it gets harder to leave them because in the beginning they look sick and we KNOW we need to leave them there with their doctors, as painful as it is. But when you know they're going home and they are getting better, it gets more and more frustrating. Especially when all they need to do is grow and eat!!! Hang in there. It can't be too long now. Give her a kiss for us. She's beautiful!
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby cara » Thu Oct 21, 2004 05:54 am

by cara (666 Posts), Thu Oct 21, 2004 05:54 am


I remember those days oh so well! We are lucky to have our little guy home and I certainly can relate to the pain it brings to leave your sweet baby at the hospital. We had so many ups and downs in the NICU but (and I KNOW it is hard!) remember that this is the BEST place for your baby right now to get the medical attention she needs! Keep your chin up and good luck with everything! I hope she is home soon :)

Cara L. Stevens
Mother of Grant, born 3/28/04 at 33 weeks
Diagnosed with PIH very early, then with Pre-e
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby annes » Thu Oct 21, 2004 05:57 am

by annes (2527 Posts), Thu Oct 21, 2004 05:57 am

It is just one of the hardest things in the world to leave your baby in the hospital and go home without him/her, everyday. I hated it. It will be over soon though, and one morning they will tell you, possibly with very little notice, get the car seat ready because it is time for her to go home with you. Hope that day comes soon for you.[:I]

DH Richard
Parker 7/6/03(severe pe)33wks
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby youtan » Thu Oct 21, 2004 12:19 am

by youtan (1592 Posts), Thu Oct 21, 2004 12:19 am

It is so hard to do go home and leave your child in the hands of others. Its a test of trust and courage. My husband and I did shifts to the NICU for 2 1/2 months. I loved the times I was able to spend with my little one and took a lot of picture and video for the times I was home. I called several times a day and always right before I went to bed each night to double check that he was ok.

But the worst time for me was those 2-3 days right after I delivered, that I was not allowed to leave my hospital to visit the NICU, a couple of miles away. Someone in my family had left for me a small teddy bear as a gift. I clung to the bear for these days like a little child. It got me through the worst days until I could hold my own baby.

The end of the NICU time was also difficult - we were so impatient. There comes a point where you feel like you can do just as good a job (or better) than the nurses, especially after several weeks of watching. Its a difficult time, but once he was home we'd almost wished we waited another few days or week. It was scary - we constantly checked to make sure he was breathing. We went to him when he was quiet and relaxed when he was screaming.


mother of:
son: 5 yrs, PE/HELLP 27 wks, 1lb 10oz
son: 2 yrs, PIH/low fluid 32 wks, 4lb 8 oz
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Re : It is killing me not being able to bring my baby

Postby patricks mommy » Fri Oct 22, 2004 08:27 am

by patricks mommy (244 Posts), Fri Oct 22, 2004 08:27 am


I found that the last week Patrick was in the NICU was the hardest. He developed reflux and they kept talking about extending his stay. I just wanted to get him home where I could be with him 24/7. I wanted to know that I could be there to address his emotional needs. I didn't want to "visit" my son anymore. The good thing is once you get her home the time she spent in the NICU doesn't seem like that long anymore. It is frustrating, but just keep in mind that the doctors are doing everything they can to make sure once you leave the NICU you don't have to go back. Hang in there. Vent whenever you need to.


Bethany (29)
Brian (30)
Patrick born 06/12/01 at 31 wks due to PE weighing 3lbs 4oz
patricks mommy
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