stay at home mom ? UPDATE

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby arj » Fri Dec 30, 2005 05:24 pm

I totally agree that being a SAHM must be the toughest job in the world!

I honestly don't think that I'm cut out to be a full-time SAHM, which is why I'm gearing up for a career change that will allow me to work part-time. I think working 2-3 days a week is perfect for me, and financially, we're in a great position to be able to accomodate that.

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby missgamecock » Fri Dec 30, 2005 04:45 pm

You know with Kirsten I so did not want to stay home (maybe because she was such a high maintenance baby). But I stayed home for 3 months with Sara and LOVED it. I would do it now (may be because I am 6 years older now). However, I am the breadwinner and it is not feasible. SIGHHHHH. Should have married a rich prince lol.....

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby deerhart » Fri Dec 30, 2005 03:57 pm

LOL me.. I am a work a holic and know it. Staying at home on bedrest was more then enough to make me insane and the 21/2-31/2 months I was home with each boy was MORE then enough to let me know that staying at home full time would drive me to divorce and the need for a good pyschatrist =)

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby jenandtheboys » Fri Dec 30, 2005 03:05 pm

I've been wanting to chime in here, but haven't found the right moment until now.....

I was a fulltime public-school music teacher for 8 years before my first DS was born. Leading up to his birth, I decided I wanted to resign and stay at home with him, and we worked it out financially so we could make it. I did so for his first 2 years of life, and I am so glad I did, but I also now know that the SAHM life is not the one for me. So many of the same feelings others have mentioned--isolation, depression or loss of that sense of accomplishment from work, etc. There were wonderful aspects of that time as well, and I know Andrew and I benefited from it, but there were other things that we both needed, as it turned out.

When DS turned 2, it was recommended that we start him in preschool to help with socialization and with his severe speech delay. Our budget worked out fine for the regular expenses, but there was not going to be a way to pay for this preschool without my working, so....

The perfect job came along at just the right time, and I am so thankful. I have a friend who was also a former music teacher and she'd been offered a part-time job at a Catholic school. She decided to turn it down, but gave them my name. I hadn't even known that the job existed! [:0] So, I basically walked right into the job, which only requires me to teach 45 minutes a day!!!! Yes, you heard right. Actually, this past semester I taught 90 min/day, but now I am back to 45 this semester. The pay isn't fabulous, but it's at least enough to pay the preschool bills for both of my boys and come out with a little left over. Also, I can get that career satisfaction of doing what I'm trained for, and interact with adults a little, but still have time in my day for other things. Both boys have numerous therapy appts. and doc appts., but now I have flexibility to be there for most of those, and to sometimes go on field trips, be "room mother" etc which I love.

I do know how fortunate we are to have this situation. I'm perfectly fine with staying in this current job for the forseeable future, so that I can continue to have a little time in the day for ME while also having the time I need for the boys, etc. I would recommend this arrangement to anyone who can find this kind of position and can manage on the reduced salary as well. DH carries us all on his insurance since the part-time job doesn't offer any.

Good topic everyone! Let's keep it going!

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby sonja » Fri Dec 30, 2005 01:29 pm

I am so glad that your DH has agreed to let you try this. I remember watching Oprah once when she had a show about SAHM vs. working moms. Being a stay at home mom I am biased, but one of the working moms said that she was a better mom because she works. That made a lot of sense to me. Being at home is not for everyone. I hope that you love it. One piece of advice - so some things just for you. Join a book club, take some classes (which it sounds like you will do), go scrapbooking, whatever, just have scheduled time where you can get away and do something for yourself.



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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby megansmom » Fri Dec 30, 2005 11:54 am

Dawn, Being a sahm is great! Most of the time. I love staying home with my girls and wouldn't trade it for the world. There are things that make it the most difficult job EVER (like never getting a break, or even a moment to yourself), but the rewards wash them away(big smiles all day, lots of I love yous, cuddletime, playtime, etc....). Like this morning when I was trying to go to the bathroom while holding one crying baby and the other holding on to my leg....but would I have found Megan behind the recliner with a whole package of unwrapped Hershey's kisses if I had been at work? I haven't seen the inside of a shower in two days, but would I have played Cooties for over on hour if I had been at work? I haven't seen anyone over the age of 3 in 4 days (another than DH), but no one smiles at me the way Bethany does (nor does she smile at any one else that way)! I get to play dress up, play Candy Land, watch Cinderella, tickle a baby, and play peekaboo! I get to fix peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, nurse a baby and wipe noses (all at the same time). I get to see my childrens peronality blossom and grow. I get to change my life and habits to change that personality if I don't like what I see. There is time for picking flowers, blowing bubbles, or just doing nothing at all. I don't have the latest fashions, big house, fancy cars, dishtv, or eat at high dollar restaurants, but I do have two wonderful baby girls who are growing up fast and I get to treasure every minute of their childhood. Some day they will be grown and maybe then I will go back to work and enjoy the "better things" in life (or maybe I will be enjoying my grandbabies). My girls and I will have precious memories to cherish for a lifetime and I will have NO regrets!!! What a blessing!My job is hard and sometimes I resent my husband not having to deal with sick babies, dirty bottoms, and house cleaning all day, but I wouldn't trade places with him for thhe world!

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby deerhart » Fri Dec 30, 2005 10:38 am

Oh NICE DH even pushing you back to school too!
I am going to actually miss going to school (as much torture as I have put myself through) becuase the flexability in the schedule is soo wonderful.


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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby peanutsmom » Fri Dec 30, 2005 09:25 am

DH and I talked last night. He is open to me staying home on one condition. I have to go back to school and get my Masters Degree. I can take one or two classes a semester at night. That way when I do go back to work I will be able to contribute a lot more to our household income and build our retirement back up. Sounds great to me. We still have a few details to work out, but it looks like it is going to happen!!! I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. I know that being a SAHM is going to be a huge adjustment and it will be a challenge everyday, but I feel it is best for my girls and our family. There are a couple of SAHMs on my street, so I'll be able to hook up with them for adult interaction and support.

Tina- Insurance won't be a problem for us- Dh already has the girls on his policy and it is only $90 a month to switch me to his plan. I have a friend who has her child on a private plan and it is really reasonable, but she said that adults are WAY more expensive. I don't have any suggestions on that problem.

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby laura » Thu Dec 29, 2005 11:46 pm

I actually just went back to work after seven years of staying home. I didn't plan it out, I just quit my job- I told my husband we'd either sink or swim and we learned to swim. I told him that it was something I had to try, and I couldn't accept "we cant afford it" until I'd seen it with my own two eyes. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try. And- we just made it work somehow. He never really agreed with me, but really, it was my decision to make. I'm glad I spent the time home that I did. And I agree, (and I can say this now that I'm working) that being a SAHM is much harder than anything else you can do. It is something about never having a moment to call your own... I feel I have the best of both worlds. I was home long enough to figure out priorities, and my shedule is flexible.

Now, I've compromised with my boss and I work 3/4 time and it is the perfect combo for me. (ok, except for having time to chat around on the boards) I still get full benfits including vacation, but I'm home by 2:30 most days. [:D] I hope you find the solution that works best for you!

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Re : stay at home mom ? UPDATE

Postby lorelei » Thu Dec 29, 2005 11:28 pm

Here's a thought to kick around...How about going to something part time. I had always worked full time and then after Hunter was born I knew I didn't want to do that but I knew I needed to work bc we were going to be building a house soon. Anyway, I got a job at a bank in the mortgage lending department as the residential construction lender(have lending experience, obviously) but I told them that I wanted to be part time and the nature of the job would certainly allow it. I work 4 days a week, 25 hours total. I work from 8:30-3 on Mondays & Tues and 8:30-2:30 on Thurs and Fri. The hours are great and it gives me "the best" of both worlds. Now, in a perfect world in my opinion I'd stay home in a heartbeat, but for us right now I need to work and I can't really complain bc it's a good job, good money, and I am only there 25 hours.

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