After the baby is born... I want more!!!

[momathelete]

Sadly, I had my tubes tied since this was my third bout with pre-e. My dh and I agreed that it would be the best decision concerning my health. Now that Ella is almost 5 months, I am wanting this not to end. That is normal, right?

We were at church and I started talking about how I was looking forward to having 4 and now that I cannot, I want to adopt. Dh said that he was feeling the same way. So, we are going to wait a year just to have the honeymoon of her be over, although with Lainey it took until she was 2 for me to think that I should not have more and by then Ella was born (she is just a wild spitfire). So, we are starting to look into adoption. Anyone else in my boat?

Actually, we are looking at foreign adoption. Before we had children, we both had a burning desire to adopt a girl from India. Anyway, when I mentioned adoption to dh again, he said, now we can get our girl in India. So, that is what I think we will do.

Am I just hormonally reacting to this? Does anyone else feel this way?



Michelle
mom to Cole Thomas -former 28.5 weeker (3-5-99, 3 lbs)due to HELLP and Madelaine Grace "Lainey" -former 29.5 (10-11-01, 3lbs 4oz)weeker due to Pre-E and had PIH with Elisabeth Rose (Ella) -37 weeker,born June 30th 2003 weighing 5 lbs 12 oz and beautiful.

[catherine]

I have to say that emotionally I'm right there with you Michelle. I cannot believe that the past 5 months have flown by so fast. I hate to put away stuff that Chloe has grown out of because I won't be passing it along to another baby. I never felt this way after Lucy, even though we decided in the hospital (once I came around) that we were done!!! I think that it comes from the finality of having tied those tubes. I'm sure that I wouldn't feel this way if Dave had done the big V, although the result would be the same. I knew too that this was the right thing to do, I don't think that my uterus would have handled another baby at all well, and I feel that for me, preeclampsia is probably a lottery, I get it or I don't , great if I don't but potentially lethal if I do.

I'm not sure about adopting. At this point in our lives I think that with three kids and two jobs and tenure yet to get, we are maxed out. Probably by the time that we feel more secure and in control we'll be too old to be acceptable adoptive parents. That is one of the great things about making your own, you get more control (god willing) over their acquisition than external agencies.

I'm hoping that the baby craving passes and I keep trying to project to the next phase of our lives and family when we're all continent and all intelligible. I have a co-worker just a few years older than myself with teenage twin girls. They are darling attractive girls and boy... will that ever be a new stage of our lives!!!!

Catherine (37)
DH, Dave (40)
Finn (6)
Lucy (2)
Chloe (7/2/03) PS. Laura do you remember that I projected that Michelle and I would eventually end up discussing just this topic!! Agh, if I could only be so prescient about other things.

[ileana]

Michelle,

We want to adopt as well, but we are still flirting with the possibility of trying again.

We are very scared, and I want to give birth and hold my baby and breastfeed and all the other stuff... this IS hormonally reacting [:D].
I am ok now and I did lots of tests and its all ok. Even my protein in urine, that looked like a problem two weeks ago, is gone now, so I'm confused. I should be happy that I am healthy, but I wish I knew what was wrong; if you know your enemies you can watch them. Could it have been just a misfortune? I don't believe it after seeing the stories on this web site... not as early as it happened to me.

We want to adopt from Romania. I am from Romania , and we thought a Romanian child would benefit from growing in a family that is related to his/her birth country. We did not start anything yet, however, we need to decide when and how.

Sharel (Angelical) is trying to adopt from the foster care system. She posted links to an adoption web site with a forum... I'm sure she will chime in tomorrow or next week with details.

Keep us posted with your decisions.


Ileana 33
Angel stillborn 24w p-e 2/17/03

[jennie]

Michelle, I too feel the same way, in that I do want another child, but I DONT want to have it myself. I loved my pregnancies, up to the 35 week point, but I have always had the urge to adopt. I want to adopt a child no more than 3 from the foster to adopt program. It is risky because those children had a rough start but there is risk in any adoption and having your own children. I dont feel like I need a baby since I have had that. I really feel the need to help a child and bring it in to a loving home. There is a country song about a little girl who sees her father kill her mother then kill himself and then gets adopted by a family and it makes me cry every time. I am going to wait a few years, at least 4 or 5 and let the kids help in the decision making. However, I do not regret getting my tubes tied. There are so many children that need a home, and I have been lucky enough to experience childbirth and breastfeeding ect.

jennie-28
dh-34
chris-7/96-42weeks
alex- 12/00-39 weeks PIH
kelly- 7/9/03 - 38 weeks PIH/ with mild pe at the end.

[ileana]

I think Sharel must be travelling for Thanksgiving... Here's the link

http://forums.adoption.com/

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Ileana 33
Angel stillborn 24w p-e 2/17/03

[michelle]

I am so thankful I read your post. Travler is only 10 weeks old and already I am wanting another child. My husband is afraid for us to try again because we lost Travler's older brother Hudson 2 years ago due to pre-term PE. Travler got here with no major probs but was early arriving at 34.5 weeks. I guess we are a little afraid to rock the boat.

I have been checking into adopting. I almost felt like I was rushing things and ppl would not think I was taking time to enjoy by precious baby. That is not it at all. I am 40 and my husband is 47. We do not have the luxury of time. I do not want Travler it grow up alone.

I have been keeping these thoughts to myself for fear of my family and friends not understanding.

Bottom line ... I love being a Mom and I have had to work harder than many women and I want another child. If I could have my way I would like for Travler to have a little sister.

Do I sound like a goof?


Michelle (in Texas)

Michelle

[amyk]

Hey there! It's been awhile since I've checked in...you know how it is...with these preemies, they think they are entitled to act like newborns for MONTHS!
I'm glad to see that there are others who already want another. I was beginning to think I was crazy, but I definitely want one more kiddo. I have had an unbearably long recovery and I feel like my entire body is breaking down, but my doctor seems to think it is doable although he has advised letting my body take a break. (I think my insurance company would drop me if I even muttered under my breath that I would like another.) I do think part of it is hormonal but I know I will never get my tubes tied even if I decide that this is it. The finality of it all is what would bother me most.
To those of you looking at adoption, I say go for it! A co-worker of mine just brought his daughter in here about 10 minutes ago that they adopted from China and she is so sweet and cute as a button!

Amy

Chloe (8/6/01) 35 weeks, p/e, hellp
Tristan (edd 10/26/03)

[amyk]

I guess I hadn't gotten around to changing my signature block...oops.

Amy

Chloe (8/6/01) 35 weeks, p/e, hellp
Tristan (9/3/03), 32 weeks, p/e and hellp AGAIN

[5thtymachrm]

I say go for the adoption, there are so many poor homeless little angels out there in desperate need of a home. I am foster licensed due to taking care of my nephew in the past and know that I wouldn't be able to deal with the children coming out of those situations but regular adoption sounds wonderful.

I have actually thought of surrogacy for a second child maybe in 4 years. I am not sure how it all works or is paid for and if we need to save up all the cash for it etc. It seems it bit scary to me but I dunno. I do know I don't think I ever want to be pregnant again, the past nine months were * and I know that I will not forget it. I have no idea how those of you did it with several pregnancies, I really give you a lot of credit, I just cannot put myself through it again. I have my little beautiful angel and I am thanking God on a daily basis for her and for my life.

I don't really want to get my tubes tied just yet though it was suggested by my OB and oncologist. I am just going for a long term birth control option but is reversible if for some reason I go crazy and decide to do this again in several years, I am just not ready to completely let go yet.

Good luck everyone with whatever you decide and keep us updated on how it all works[:D]

Elizabeth
11/20/03 Indigo E. (born with no PE @ 37 weeks, 5lbs 13oz) (Pg Issues:hypertension(atenolol),hyperemesis, hypothyroidism, cancer remission, asthma, 8cm blood clot @3wks)
11/17/95 m/c @14wks
1/97 m/c @3wks
2/98 m/c @5wks
8/02 m/c @3wks

[catherine]

Michelle, you are not nuts... siblings are a wonderful thing for a kid. I do understand that you don't have a huge amount of time to decide.... college tuition before retirement anyone? What harm in investigating?

Hugs


Catherine (37)
DH, Dave (40)
Finn (6)
Lucy (2)
Chloe (7/2/03)