my son prefers my husband to me

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
paige_va
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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby paige_va » Sun Apr 22, 637979 9:15 pm

Meredith is definitely a daddy's girl. She's fine with me, but goes absolutely ape over her father. I think that, on top of it being a normal toddler stage, DH plays with her more roughly...tosses her up in the air, throws her on the bed, etc. She loves it! How can Mommy compete with that??? [;)]

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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby kelly w » Thu Apr 12, 637979 3:24 am

I agree with everyone else - don't take it personally at all! It is so common. ALL of mine went through this stage too, only reverse because DH works full time and I am home during the day. They all only wanted me for the first 12-14 months, and then after that the little stinkers all turned on me and became "Daddy's kids". They still all prefer him over boring old mom. ;)

So, you will have your day, I promise!

Kelly

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heather j
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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby heather j » Tue Mar 20, 637979 2:26 am

Add Nicolas to the list. When DH used to get home, he'd drop me like nobody's business. It was as if I was invisible. He'd even take his hand and push me away. Now he's turned on DH. When he sees his vehicle pull up, Nicolas starts crying/shreiking "NO! Go way! Don't touch me, don't come here! He buries his face in me and tries to hide. DH just looks at him and snatches him up in a bear hug which usually causes it to escalate. By the time I'm back from the gym an hour later, they're buddied up building train tracks in the floor. It's definitely a stage, and hard as it is, try not to take it personally.

deerhart
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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby deerhart » Mon Mar 19, 637979 5:30 pm

Yup perfectly normal and it will last for many many more years. Both my boys (Alex a lot less now) will spend time taking a preference to each parent and wanting nothing to do with the other. Sometimes its a day, sometimes its a week sometimes its a month.

Alex usually only does it now when one parent is upset with him, but he did it through about age 4-5. Mason is doing it less and less but he still has his moments.

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julie f
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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby julie f » Mon Mar 19, 637979 11:37 am

Holli,

Allison and Catherine have already said it better than I could. I just wanted you to know that we go through it here too. For almost the first two years of Jack's life, I was his absolute favorite and nothing could be done without mommy in the room, he wouldn't even let Andy put him to bed. Complete opposite going on right now though, I am apparently so "uncool" that I probably shouldn't even leave the house... Everything is, "Daddy do, no mommy..." Last week Jack and Andy were playing outside and I went to go sit out there and Jack told me, "No mommy, you go, no play, just Daddy." When he's trying to pick something out, he even asks me, "What Daddy likes?" When I give a response he says, "I like that too." When I tell him what I likes he looks at me square in the eye and says, "No mommy." I swear he's going to just start rolling his eyes at me soon. They sure know how to get you right??[B)]!!

I am told that this phase shall pass... And before we know it, they'll be teenagers and won't want mommy or daddy...

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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby holliadrienne » Sun Mar 18, 637979 10:07 pm

catherine, thank you so much...that is exactly what i needed to hear.

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catherine
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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby catherine » Sun Mar 18, 637979 9:24 pm

Don't beat yourself up about this. What you are seeing is completely normal developmental interactions. NOTHING that you did wrong, or not enough off.... What is happening is that he is seeing that he can trigger emotional reactions from the people that are most important to him and that he can "make" you do things...

A great book to read right now is Touchpoints by T. Berry Brazelton. He's pretty smart about developmental stages and processes and he's not a "one size fits all" kind of guy. The worst thing that you can do is to internalize your responses to Tevan's very natural experiments in human interaction as an indictment of your mothering skills, or as a measure of his love and affection for you, which is, in fact, boundless.

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Re : my son prefers my husband to me

Postby arj » Sun Mar 18, 637979 7:52 pm

Awww, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Trust me when I tell you that's it's a phase. I'm pretty sure that all kids do this at one point or another. I know that my oldest has. Then they start talking and vocalizing it... "I like Daddy better than you!" or "Only Daddy is my friend." Etc, etc.

Maybe you can find a really fun activity for just the both of you to do when you get home from work. Bubbles, bath, special snack, etc.

I wouldn't read too much into not being able to breastfeed affecting your bonding either. I am sure that many women here will chime in about that one.

I know it's hard but hang in there. You're starting to enter the "toddler" phase which has LOTS of strange, irritating, and irrational phases. There will be lots of tantrums and playing one parent against the other. Those boogers are little but smart!

holliadrienne
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my son prefers my husband to me

Postby holliadrienne » Sun Mar 18, 637979 7:28 pm

my almost 10 month old son recently wants nothing to do with me. I work first shift mon-fri and my husband stays home and takes care of our son. Lately, as in the past three weeks or so, my son literally wants nothing to do with me. If I try to take him from my husband he pushes away from me and screams. It is breaking my heart, and honestly i have been to embarassed and ashamed to say anything to anyone else. I get to the point that I am frustrated and just walk away, because i am honestly not wanted.

I was not able to breastfeed, and i honestly think that if i had been able to i wouldn't be in this position. I feel like if i were nursing or even had been able to at all that i would have a better bond...

i love my son, and this is so new for me. Up until now, when i would come home from work he would have nothing to do with my husband...it makes me resent him for staying home while i am the breadwinner for our family. I think irrational thoughts about wanting to get preg again to have "my" child, that i would breastfeed no matter what and not let him touch...

i know that is ridiculous but i am so upset recently. Advice would be greatly appreciated.


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