Torn and do not know what to do

[missgamecock]

What can I say. I want another baby. I know it would be our last. I plan on signing consents for a csection hysterectomy as soon as my dr will let me. However, with my uterus wreaking havoc on me. Well that choice may be made for me. Regardless, I figure I have two years to make a decision. I hate that endo and pe are making the decision for me. On one hand I feel it is very selfish to have another one when I have three perfectly good girls. On the other hand, I feel like I could handle another one because I have good drs that will take no chances. In fact, I won't go past 37 weeks period with a mature amnio. Not that I have ever gotten that far. Now I am reading with uterine perforations that that would make another pregnancy even more at risk becuase of rupture at the site of perforation. This devestates me. It's like saying we make the decision for you. I want it to be my decision. I feel like I will always have that regret. I think my ob and I will be having a very LONG talk when I go to my post op appt. This perforation has put things in a new perspective. PE I can handle. How do I handle a potential rupture adding even MORE risk. It doesn't help when people say be grateful for what you have. I always wanted FOUR live children. Always. I always wanted a big family. It just makes me upset that our baby days are most likely over with. A rupture is a big deal.

[kdreher]

I can totally understand the feeling to want another..now that Michael is here and he will be 1 (already) in 4 weeks I truly wish he could have a sibling. I just know that I cannot risk it for the sake of my health, life, son, husband etc. I do not think I could do it all again, the NICU too, and I do know that there are no guarantees that my next child might not have any life lasting medical issues. No one can give you an answer...if YOU were my sister, friend, and even me..honestly..I would say and ask WHY and have you considered the real risks other than to your body. It's hard to face the truth...I wish I was in your shoes and could have more than 1.

[sheri-ct]

I can relate. I'd love another and my DD is only 3 weeks old. But I know it is not an option for me. My endo makes it impossible to conceive and I can't justify paying for more IVF (we are self-pay), so I'm done:(. What does your OB think? Is he/she on board? (((((((HUGS)))))))

Sheri

[missgamecock]

My ob is on board. My peri is not. She told me not to get pregnant with Cate. She would be on board if I did though. My ob figures I am a big girl, know what I am getting into and can make my own decisions. He would support whatever I wanted to do.

[jacobkaden]

What about adoption? That would give you your fourth child without the risk. My concern is that your peri is not on board and your risk increases with age, especially since all of your pregnancies have been preeclamptic. I totally "get" wanting to have the control over such a huge decision - not easy.

I only have one because of my "advanced maternal age" and he has a lot of special needs due to his early arrival, none of which I anticipated. I love him so, so much, but that is another factor to consider, not just the possibility of "losing" another child, but the possibility of having a special needs child. It will change your lifestyle forever, in some ways for the better, in some ways not for the better. I feel for you, best of luck with your decision.

[Guest]

Well Sabrina I am one who would say to be grateful for what you already have. As you say, a rupture is a huge deal and even if you have another your baby days will still eventually be over. They don't stay cute and cuddly forever, right? ;-) As someone mentionned, there is always adoption and fostering.

[missgamecock]

Denise if I have another my baby days would be done. That would be signed sealed and delivered lol. I had already talked to my ob and he agreed to do a csection/hysterectomy if I got pregnant again. That's only because I have medical indication for one and it has been recommended by my new endo specialist. My old endo specialist said no way to a csection hysterectomy. I wonder how it would impact a pregnancy seeing I had a spontaneous perforation. The IUD was placed right and was confirmed three times by three different drs. It expelled itself and that is when the perforation occured.

I guess I will discuss with my ob at my 2 week post op and get his opinion. I just wanted a really big family. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls. I always saw myself with 4 kids. I enjoy the kids at all ages (although the preteen years ARE testing me right now). I even have a mothers ring with 4 spaces on it that I got after Sara was born from dh at Christmas (still have to add Cate's stone and name on it).

Dh is against adoption and fostering.

Special needs are out because Kirsten and Cate (especially Cate) have medical problems already. It sounds selfish, but I have enough with two kids with special needs. If it was my child that ended up with special needs if I got pregnant again, then that would be the luck of the draw and I would deal with it. It's another ball game when it is not my child and they have special needs. I wouldn't choose it. I guess that sounds extremely selfish.

I guess I will see how this plays out. Thank God I was doing continuous bcp along with that IUD right. Could have had an unexpected pregnancy. I bet one of the first tests my ob did when he had them running bloodwork at 230am on Monday was a quantitative HCG blood test. I would not be surprised if at my post op he makes me pee in a cup just to make sure.

[hols537]

It's a tough spot. We made the call that after Jonathan, there would be no more pregnancies because of the risks and can imagine how hard it must be to have the decision made for you. How much higher risk of rupture is there due to the perforation? I know that those of us with classic c/s incisions are considered "higher risk" and are never allowed to go into labor since that puts the most stress on it.

Good luck!

[missgamecock]

Well I had a response done and then miss Cate deleted it!

I don't know how much more risk it is. I imagine it would be the same as a csection? I plan on asking my ob at my next appt on the 30th. I was planning a csection if I did get pregnant again anyway even though I have had vaginal births because I want the hysterectomy done at the same time. My peri will not allow me to go past 37 weeks (not that I have ever made it that far. :)).

[jacobkaden]

Having a child with special needs is a very real possibility if you have another pregnancy and it is therefore wise for you to seriously consider "how" you and your family would deal with it. I think in your case, with your history, this is more of a possibility than the "luck of the draw".

Very few parents of special needs children choose this lifestyle, other than those that adopt special needs children. It was certainly not something I anticipated, but the reality is PE gave me a child with special needs.

As I recall, you were understandably quite freaked out when Cate had to have a bronch for possible tracheamalacia. Many preterm babies, like my son have airway issues resulting in a tracheostomy, which has involved numerous bronchs and surgeries, not to mention the constant risk of respiratory distress. With what you have already been through with 2 children with medical issues, having a child with special needs is 100x the stress level and 100x more, if the child's issues are permanent, all of which is wise to consider in your decision making.