Torn and do not know what to do

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
surefoott
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby surefoott » Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:51 am

I can tell from reading on many of your posts that you truly want another child. You have done your 'homework' and you are well aware of risks as well as the changes that can occur. I think you should go with your heart. I can tell you from experience that you will regret not having another, if this is what you truly truly want; you will never feel like your family is 'complete' if you don't follow true to your feelings. You have good responsive doctors, who like you say will take no chances; and you are very alert to what is happening in your body. And, I don't feel it is selfish in any way to want another when you have 3 already. Having those 3 little girls makes it even MORE desirable for you to have another. Maybe you will get pregnant accidentally; then the decision is made for you! Good luck!

missgamecock
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby missgamecock » Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:06 pm

Suzanne, I take continuous progesterone and loestrin. So I was double protected for birth control. I use it all to control the endo though. I know if we have another. I am definitely done. I hope he says what sheri's friend's dr said. My ob is pretty laid back and my mfm is agressive. I figure it will all be out in about 2 years and a decision can be made either way. Hope your pe doesn't get worse!!! I also think things happen for a reason and things fall into place as they are supposed to. With my new job, everyone told me how dumb I was not to take it. At that time, it wasn't the right place or time. Then look I got it as soon as I started back to work again after Cate.

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hannahsmom
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby hannahsmom » Sun Oct 18, 2009 09:55 am

I am so sorry that you went through all of that pain! You know, I think everything happens for a reason. Obviously you can't go the IUD route again, so you are without BC right now. Maybe this is your sign to go for number 4? I had to stop BC pills not too long ago because they found out about my sister's blood clotting issues and then my pcp tested me and found out that I have them, too, so he said I had to stop BC pills immediately since they can cause blood clots. So I called my OB to see if I could talk to her about getting an IUD, and found out that she was out of town for three months. I decided to wait until she got back. I have PCOS and it took almost a year to get pg with Hannah, so I figured there was no way I would get pg within those three months. Boy, was I wrong! It was a shock, but we are thrilled to be expecting #2. Having another baby is something that only you and your hubby can decide. Good luck with your decision and I hope you feel beter soon!

sheri-ct
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby sheri-ct » Sun Oct 18, 2009 08:23 am

Sabrina,

My friend that had the same IUD issue was told that the perforation would heal and not cause any issues with a future pregnancy. Her 3 pregnancies were similar to yours (severe pre-e at 32 weeks, PIH & pre-e) It is such a small hole compared to a c-section and *most* people with c-sections go on to have normal pregnancies. I hope you hear the same news.

Sheri


jacobkaden
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby jacobkaden » Sat Oct 17, 2009 11:45 pm

Having a child with special needs is a very real possibility if you have another pregnancy and it is therefore wise for you to seriously consider "how" you and your family would deal with it. I think in your case, with your history, this is more of a possibility than the "luck of the draw".

Very few parents of special needs children choose this lifestyle, other than those that adopt special needs children. It was certainly not something I anticipated, but the reality is PE gave me a child with special needs.

As I recall, you were understandably quite freaked out when Cate had to have a bronch for possible tracheamalacia. Many preterm babies, like my son have airway issues resulting in a tracheostomy, which has involved numerous bronchs and surgeries, not to mention the constant risk of respiratory distress. With what you have already been through with 2 children with medical issues, having a child with special needs is 100x the stress level and 100x more, if the child's issues are permanent, all of which is wise to consider in your decision making.

missgamecock
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby missgamecock » Sat Oct 17, 2009 04:39 pm

Well I had a response done and then miss Cate deleted it!

I don't know how much more risk it is. I imagine it would be the same as a csection? I plan on asking my ob at my next appt on the 30th. I was planning a csection if I did get pregnant again anyway even though I have had vaginal births because I want the hysterectomy done at the same time. My peri will not allow me to go past 37 weeks (not that I have ever made it that far. :)).

hols537
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby hols537 » Sat Oct 17, 2009 07:00 am

It's a tough spot. We made the call that after Jonathan, there would be no more pregnancies because of the risks and can imagine how hard it must be to have the decision made for you. How much higher risk of rupture is there due to the perforation? I know that those of us with classic c/s incisions are considered "higher risk" and are never allowed to go into labor since that puts the most stress on it.

Good luck!

missgamecock
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby missgamecock » Sat Oct 17, 2009 00:33 am

Denise if I have another my baby days would be done. That would be signed sealed and delivered lol. I had already talked to my ob and he agreed to do a csection/hysterectomy if I got pregnant again. That's only because I have medical indication for one and it has been recommended by my new endo specialist. My old endo specialist said no way to a csection hysterectomy. I wonder how it would impact a pregnancy seeing I had a spontaneous perforation. The IUD was placed right and was confirmed three times by three different drs. It expelled itself and that is when the perforation occured.

I guess I will discuss with my ob at my 2 week post op and get his opinion. I just wanted a really big family. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls. I always saw myself with 4 kids. I enjoy the kids at all ages (although the preteen years ARE testing me right now). I even have a mothers ring with 4 spaces on it that I got after Sara was born from dh at Christmas (still have to add Cate's stone and name on it).

Dh is against adoption and fostering.

Special needs are out because Kirsten and Cate (especially Cate) have medical problems already. It sounds selfish, but I have enough with two kids with special needs. If it was my child that ended up with special needs if I got pregnant again, then that would be the luck of the draw and I would deal with it. It's another ball game when it is not my child and they have special needs. I wouldn't choose it. I guess that sounds extremely selfish.

I guess I will see how this plays out. Thank God I was doing continuous bcp along with that IUD right. Could have had an unexpected pregnancy. I bet one of the first tests my ob did when he had them running bloodwork at 230am on Monday was a quantitative HCG blood test. I would not be surprised if at my post op he makes me pee in a cup just to make sure.

Guest
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby Guest » Fri Oct 16, 2009 00:45 am

Well Sabrina I am one who would say to be grateful for what you already have. As you say, a rupture is a huge deal and even if you have another your baby days will still eventually be over. They don't stay cute and cuddly forever, right? ;-) As someone mentionned, there is always adoption and fostering.

jacobkaden
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Re : Torn and do not know what to do

Postby jacobkaden » Thu Oct 15, 2009 08:26 pm

What about adoption? That would give you your fourth child without the risk. My concern is that your peri is not on board and your risk increases with age, especially since all of your pregnancies have been preeclamptic. I totally "get" wanting to have the control over such a huge decision - not easy.

I only have one because of my "advanced maternal age" and he has a lot of special needs due to his early arrival, none of which I anticipated. I love him so, so much, but that is another factor to consider, not just the possibility of "losing" another child, but the possibility of having a special needs child. It will change your lifestyle forever, in some ways for the better, in some ways not for the better. I feel for you, best of luck with your decision.


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